Because this tension, is unfortunately better than any fucking drug I'd ever touched.
And fuck, I am so not ready to get addicted.
35) You Were Warned
Rava
I button my shirt slowly.
One button, then the next, then the next. Everything feels wrong on my skin. The fabric really irritates me. The collar feels too tight. The sleeves feel like they belong to someone else, even though it’s the same shirt I wore last week.
Same size. Same fit. Nothing changed on my body. Only my head, maybe, which feels swollen from everything I’ve been holding in since last night.
I hardly slept.
Every time I closed my eyes, I would just spin, roll over, flip to the other side, kick the blankets off, drag them back on, my brain replaying things I shouldn’t replay.
The way Gio looked at me on that damn couch, like he was bored and starving at the same time, like he knew exactly how close I was to snapping and loved it.
The way my fingers touched his face. The way his voice dropped to almost nothing, like every word was just for me.
How close we got.
I shut the drawer harder than I meant to.
It pisses me off. Actually pisses me off.
He ruins my sleep without even being here.
Like, whose side are you on, brain? Seriously. What the hell.
This isn’t helping. I need to focus. Meeting today. Big names. My father is watching. I have to be on point, sharp.
I adjust my jacket. Check my reflection.
I look fine. Tired, maybe, but presentable. He will be there. And the most annoying part, the part that makes me want to slam my head into the wall, is that my brain is actually excited to see him again.
Excited.
Like a dog waiting by the door. Like oh, when is Gio coming back to ruin our peace again?
Pathetic. For what reason?
What exactly am I looking forward to?
More bruises?
More arguments that somehow feel too something?
Maybe my brain is just bored. Maybe it wants drama because I’ve been too calm for too long. Too predictable.
Maybe I got used to my quiet routine, and then he walked in and my whole system went,oh, this is new, this is loud, this is dangerous, we like this, apparently we like this.
I don’t know. I genuinely don’t know.
All I know is that he has me upside down and inside out for absolutely no logical reason, and it’s making me lose my mind.
I sit on the edge of the bed to put on my shoes and try to breathe through the chaos in my chest.
