But kiss Gio?? Kiss Gio on the mouth??? Are we insane? I’m stressed just thinking about it. My palms are sweating. And let’s be real, he’s not even going to say yes. Absolutely not. Gio kisses like… I don’t know… elite criminals only? The chosen sinners?
People with status and confidence and no fear of death? I’m none of those things.
I’m a teacher-in-progress with anxiety and a soft voice. And I’ve never kissed a guy before. Ever.
Okay well, once. When I was eight, during a dare. But it was on the cheek. So it doesn’t count. I don’t know how to kiss men.
Is it different? Is it the same? Is it worse? Is it better?
"I don’t know," I mutter, pacing. "I don’t know and I don’t WANT to know, Noah." But my brain keeps replaying it anyway.
What if Gio laughs? What if he says no? What if he tells someone? But also… what if he doesn’t?
"...Fuck," I whisper.
"YES!" Noah screams. "IS THAT A YES? THAT WAS A YES."
"I didn’t say—"
"You said fuck, and in my language, that’s a YES. Oh my god, this is happening. I’m so proud. I’m actually emotional. I don’t even hate you right now."
"I haven’t even asked him yet."
"Then GO. NOW. You have two days."
"Now?" I squeak.
"Yes, NOW. Go. March your ass over there and pitch the sexiest plan of the year." He hangs up. I stare at my screen, still flushed. Then I slowly turn toward my window.
Light. His room. He’s awake.
My stomach flips. Not in a romantic way. In a panic-attack-pending way. Okay. Okay. I’m doing this. I’m actually doing this.
I pull on a hoodie.
Why? I don’t know, it’s still like 27 degrees outside, but my hands are cold. That’s what panic does to your circulation. I walk toward the door, stop, turn back. Then sit on my bed. Then stand up again.
This is stupid. This issostupid. What if someone finds out? What if my dad hears about this somehow?
No. No, that’s not possible.
Still. It’s Gio.
What if I’m actually terrible at this? What if it’s obvious I’ve never done that? With a guy? Noah makes it sound so easy. But it’s not. What if I just freeze? Or worse, miss? God, what if I go in too fast and break his nose or something?
I sit back down and bury my face in my hands. It’s just a kiss. Just a kiss. Kisses are kisses. Doesn’t matter if it’s with a guy or a girl. It’s the same mechanics, right? Lips. Timing. Not drooling. Right? But what if I like it? No. That’s not possible.
He’s still Gio. Loud, cocky Gio who never shuts up.
Just because he was kind of close to me tonight, just because he looked at me a couple more seconds without swearing at me, that doesn’t mean anything. He’s the same.
Besides, it’s summer. That’s all this is. A weird summer with weird moments and weird choices. And when it’s over? I go back to studying all day.
He goes back to whatever it is he does. We don’t talk. We don’t run into each other.
I don’t have weird thoughts. This doesn’t have to be a big deal. Right? Right.
I’m standing outside his house again, like a pathetic loser. I shouldn’t be here. This is insane. But I’m already walking. Past the hedges. Again.
