“Well, did you tell Jester to put a pin in it? Sounds like Cleaver was able to fix the issue, which just proves they were more wondering about testing your loyalty lines,” I reply to him.
Winnie’s brow lifts while she stares at me from across the desk. I raise my finger to my lips and point at the cell phone. I mouth for her to listen. Her forehead furrows in both confusion and interest.
“Of course I did,” Prez scoffs. “O’Cronin doesn’t know when to back off sometimes. He’s noisier than church hens at a bake sale.”
I laugh with him, and he goes over the final numbers and the next shipment parameters for our Irish friends. The whole time we talk, I keep an eye on Winnie. She follows the conversation, her gaze so intense on the phone that not once does she look at me. My lips twitch, knowing that I’ve surprised her. I’m letting her in on information that not everyone else is privy to. I’m hoping it will help build trust between her and me.
“Anyways, Dodger, that leads me to the next issue I need to talk to you about. I heard back from Bianchi,” Prez says, catching my attention fully. This time, Winnie’s eyes do lift to mine, and I see the worry in hers.
“What did he say?” I ask, my hands clenching against the wood of my desk.
“He’s knee deep in Familia shit. I think his son is making some headway, but they’ve lost numbers and followers. He wasn’t happy to hear from me, in regards to Winnie,” Prez continues.
My eyes close tightly. I don’t want Win to see the rage and hatred I have for the man, or how I’m picturing his death slowly at my hands. “Is he willing to talk?”
Prez sighs. “He said he’s willing to talk. He didn’t say it, but I could read it in the context of his tone that he isn’t happy about it. We need to be careful with how we treat this. The man clearly thinks Winnie is more of a distraction to his son than the prize Marco thinks she is.”
Winnie’s hands move to her mouth, her eyes filling with tears and flickers of an emotion I know all too well, anger. I’m barely holding my own in. My hands are clenched tightly on my knees, hidden behind the desk.
“We’ll keep following the plan then. She’ll stay here. We protect her and wait for the meeting. I’m warning you, though, Prez, if he tries to harm her, I’m going to retaliate.”
“I would expect nothing less. We protect her at all costs. Leave that old bag of bones to me. With all the shit he’s in, right now is not a time for Bianchi to lose an ally like the club. His son took a woman hostage against her will. He needs to see that in the end, that won’t gain him favors or accolades from anyone,” Prez replies. Winnie’s shoulders relax a little after he agrees with me.
It hurts to know that on some level, she believes the club wouldn’t protect her. I think about the previous comments she has made about them not accepting her, or how she was belittled in the past because of her position in my life. All things I’m to blame for. I should have done a better job of protecting her and listening. I remember her concerns back then, but I minimized them, believing the club whores were just jealous of Winnie’s position in my life. I never realized just how bad it was until now. When I had exploded on my brothers about it, the few who had heard the comments from the club whores had spoken up. They were ashamed and wanted to apologize to Win for how they lether be treated. Now that I have her here, I won’t let her continue to believe that she has no value to me in the eyes of the MC. She may not be legally tied to me, but I already consider her mine in every way that matters.
“As long as we’re in agreement, Prez. I will go to war for her.” I glance up and find Win’s eyes on mine. I let her read the truth behind every word I just said, the vow I made.
“Got it, Dodger. Let’s hope it won’t come to that,” Prez says in agreement, but I can hear the heaviness in his voice. “Alright, I talked your ear off long enough. I’ll update you when I can.”
“Thanks, Prez,” I answer, before hitting the off button. The call ends, and the silence that fills my office is loud.
“Why did you let me in here?” she asks, her voice soft and sharp all at the same time.
My eyes sweep over her messy braid, the chunky black sweater that hangs off one of her shoulders, and the pair of jeans that clings to her legs like a second skin. My chest physically aches when I look at her. All I want is to hold her, to settle her body against mine, and to reassure her that everything is going to be fine. But this is Win, and she’s pissed. She’s conflicted, and as much as it twists up my insides, I need to let this go at her pace. I have years to make up for, thousands of apologies to live up to, and broken trust that needs to be repaired first.
“You deserved to know the information firsthand. It's your life that we’re talking about.”
Her brown eyes flare molten, and her little jaw clenches. “You’ve never told me about club business before. Women were always meant to be seen but not heard. Even if I had had a property cut from you, the wives never knew the full details of what was happening in the club.”
I wince slightly, knowing the truth probably is going to hurt her, but she deserves to know. I’m done hiding things and thinking I’m protecting her. “For patched brothers with oldladies, it is up to their discretion to share if they want to. Prez tells Jocelyn everything. Snake is more delicate with what he shares with Lottie, given her history. Badger chooses to never tell Hope anything. He wants her to be free from the knowledge in case anyone ever tries to harm her. Back then, you didn’t have a property patch yet, and I followed the rule that you shouldn’t know anything. I thought I was protecting you that way.”
“All you did was make me feel that I wasn’t good enough. Like I wasn’t the partner you needed or wanted in this life,” she says and rises slowly from the chair.
I follow her movement, standing, and shove my hands in my pockets before I do something really stupid like reach for her. Her arms cross over her chest, gripping her shirt sleeves. I breathe out slowly, forcing myself to hold her gaze, despite the accusation and hurt I see in them. “You are everything to me, Win. You were always good enough. I wasn’t enough for you. I did everything I could to protect you by pushing you to the outer circle. I thought it was the right thing. I’m sorry for how I treated you.”
Winnie blinks back tears, and my heart breaks watching her retreat away from me again. I hate the distance between us. I need to physically touch her, to comfort her. My legs move before I can second-guess myself until I’m right in front of her. She startles but doesn’t move away. Her head tilts back to look up at me. Other than her first night back when she slept on top of me, this is the closest in her space I’ve been.
“I’m sorry, Daisy. I’m sorry for everything. Please let me show you. I want to explain everything, to tell you the truth about what happened. And maybe someday you’ll be able to forgive me.” I’m begging her, pleading my case before her walls slam firmly back in place and she goes back to ignoring me. My hand reaches out, feeling her skin against mine. My thumbbrushes the tear from her cheek. For a small second, she melts into my touch, and my heart swells.
“I’m not ready, Dodger. I want to, but this is just too raw right now. It hurts too much. I may be able to forgive you someday, but I don’t know how I’ll ever forget.” Her voice catches, and more tears fall. My other hand moves to her face until I’m cradling it like I have a million times in our past. I catch all her tears and wipe them away. Her body shudders, and her eyes close at my touch. It’s too much and not enough at the same time.
Leaning forward, my lips press softly against the crown of her head. Then I do the only thing I know how to make her feel better. I let her go. My hands fall back to my sides and give her space again. “Take all the time you need, Win. I’m here when you’re ready.”
A small sound catches in her throat, but she swallows it down. Taking my reprieve, Winnie spins on her heels and darts out of my office. I listen as her soft footsteps echo through the living room and past the kitchen before hitting the stairs. Although this ended on an emotional note, it feels like there’s a shift between us. Small, sure, but it's there. A crack in the thick foundation she built to keep me out. But a crack can sprawl and widen. It can cave, buckle under pressure, and eventually, the foundation will crumble, hopefully taking the walls around her heart down with it.
Chapter 25
Winnie
