“Can’t exactly wear cowboy boots in the ER,” I manage to get out, and Finn nods like he understands, but his eyes say something different.
Eventually, neither of us speaks, and silence creeps in. Finn sighs before opening the front door and leading me outside. I follow him around the front until we reach the side of the house where a small path cuts into the woods. I hesitate at the opening of the trees. Finn notices and turns to me, taking my hand.
“I promise we’re safe out here.”
Nodding and trusting him even when I probably shouldn’t, I follow. A few feet in, there's another clearing, smaller this time, but large enough to hold a wooden structure. Finn lets my hand go and moves out of the way, giving me the full effect. It’s a gazebo, the kind we used to talk about having. Inside is a bench that goes around the circle with a picnic table on one side. My feet move, carrying me closer. My fingers brush against the wood, finding it smooth; the craftsmanship is present in every detail.
Sinking onto the bench, I can feel the sturdiness of it. Despite the shape and the roof, there is still room to see the evening sky. After living in a city for so long, I forgot how much I used to enjoy seeing the sky full of stars. Finn sits next to me on the bench, his jean-clad leg leans against mine, and his arm brushes against mine as well. I bristle at the contact and the way his warmth bleeds into me, chasing the chill away. It's familiar, and my heart aches picturing how life could have been. The love story that died before it even had a chance.
“It's gorgeous,” I manage to breathe out, my voice hitching with too much emotion. I can’t look at him just yet, even though I can feel his weighted stare on the side of my face.
“That bench was the hardest part. Keeping it symmetrical took some learning."
“You built this?” I glance at him and around the gazebo. It shouldn’t surprise me, considering the house is also an exact replica of our dream home.
“I had nothing else to do without you,” he replies, his voice deep this time, gravelly.
“You had no idea I’d ever see it,” I remind him, feeling those flames of resentment flare up, ready to burn this structure to the ground.
“How did you do it, Win?” His steady stare turns to me. “How did you stay hidden so well? Atlanta isn’t far from here.”
Forcing myself to meet his determined gaze, I give him a steely one of my own, not even trying to hide the sly tilt of my lips. “I learned from the MC, too, Finn. I picked up all kinds of intel from Squirrel, Inspector, and even you. I used my momma’s maiden name on my lease and paid the deposit in cash, adding a little extra for discretion. The hardest part was convincing my supervisor that I didn’t want my name on their social media. Once I told her it was for my protection, she was willing to help. After high school, when we lived at the clubhouse, I stopped my socials then, so there wasn’t much to scrub clean.”
Finn grunts, and it almost sounds like a laugh. “I should have guessed. You’re a smart woman, Winnie. You always were.” Finn’s gaze drops from mine, and he clasps his hands together. “I never stopped looking for you, Win. I was hopeful that I’d find you, that I could show you how much you meant to me. I wanted to give you your dream home, the gazebo, and a million other things, just for the chance to see you smile again. I know I can’ttake back what happened. I was an asshole. I fucked up. And I am sorry.”
“You’re right, you can’t take it back,” I repeat the same words that I’ve lived with, had on repeat in my head for the last five years, since I walked out of our apartment. The moment I think about it, all the painful memories rush back, and I’m reminded of exactly why I left. I remember every detail of that day I learned about the runs at the clubhouse, and I remember the way Finn admitted to what happened on that run at the other clubhouse. My eyes close and I breathe deeply in and out, trying to calm my racing heart.
“Win, I don’t expect you to forget. Or even to forgive me. I know I have a lot of work to do to earn back your trust. I’m just asking that when this is over, please let me explain. There are things you don’t know?—”
“I don’t think it does either of us good to rehash the past, Dodger. It happened, and for me, there is no going back. You had your chance,” I cut him off, hopping to my feet and putting distance between us. Without the heat of his body next to mine, or his familiar scent in my lungs, I can think clearly. I can remind myself how dangerous he is to my heart. Finn reaches for my hand, but I step farther away.
“Night,” I mumble before racing out of the gazebo and heading back toward the cabin. I can’t let Finn wear down my resolve. There’s too much at stake, my life, his, the entire club’s. I’ll take his protection, and I’ll use the safety of his house, but that's where I need to draw the line. Finn will just have to accept that, and in time when he sees how high the walls I’ve built around my heart are, he’ll realize the work isn’t worth it. Just like it wasn’t to him back then either.
Chapter 24
Finn
If the word stubborn had another name, it would be Winnie. The woman simultaneously makes me want to pull my hair out and chase her harder at the same time. I know it's not fair to expect her to listen to what I should have been honest with her about five years ago. I also know I’m not in a position to expect her to talk to me at all. I don’t deserve it. I hurt her. I broke her pretty heart and damaged her faith in me, in us. I knew bringing her here to the cabin was a risk, but it was one I was willing to take. I needed her to see it, to feel with her hands, to live in the place that’s been my sanctuary, my only solace for the past five years. The place that was built from her dreams, which my hands physically shaped from all the memories of our late-night discussions. It was a gamble with how she was going to take it. The cabin shocked her. I can’t say for sure what happened in the gazebo. For one minute, I thought she would soften, just enough for us to actually talk, but then it was gone, and once again she ran from me.
That was five days ago now, and since then Winnie has retreated even further into herself, away from me. She still joins me for dinner, mostly just because she doesn’t want to starve.Every night I’ve made her something new to eat, something I think she’ll enjoy. While we eat, I manage to catch her up on anything she needs to know, but other than that, it's silent between us. Last night she even brought her Kindle down and read while we ate. I took that as a sign that it was not a good night to even try, so I gave her the space she needed. I’ll do whatever she needs, even if it slowly kills me. Having her here yet so far away at the same time might drive me to an early grave.
I’m just about to get up from my desk when my phone rings, an incoming call from Prez. My fingers quickly hit the green button and then turn on the speaker phone.
“Prez,” I answer, with a slight hint of questioning in my voice.
The man chuckles. “Dodger. This a good time?”
“Good time as any. Just going over my security footage and making sure everything is working properly.”
“Good. That's good.” He makes a grunting noise that I’ve heard a million times, and I can just picture him rubbing the bridge of his nose like he does when he’s thinking too much.
“What’s on your mind, Prez?”
He huffs. “Just enough club business gone wrong this week. The shipment to the Irish had a few discrepancies, and they started to panic. Thankfully, Cleaver was able to sort it out, and it wasn’t a huge deal.”
“Just enough to cause them some concern, given the war that's going on. They were probably questioning our loyalty?” I surmise, and he grunts again in response. A flash of blonde hair catches my peripheral vision, and I see Winnie step into my office, lips parted like she’s about to say something.
Quickly, I hold up my hand, pointing to the phone, and she freezes. A look of fear flashes in her eyes, followed closely by pain and then sadness. She starts to back away, out of the room, but I’m already out of my chair and rounding my desk. I grab her arm and ignore her confused reaction when I tug her back insidethe office and set her in the chair across from me. All the while, Prez is in the background explaining our Irish allies' concerns about the war escalating with the different mafia families and the cartels.
