Lyric sucks in a deep breath. “And that's my cue to leave.” She skips to the door, calling over her shoulder, “Talk later, Win!”
Winnie and I are at a standoff, neither of us blinking. “I don’t think you’re running from your problems. But I do think you’ve been starting over and starting over again. You shouldn’t have to run from this, Win. You shouldn’t have to hide because you did nothing wrong. You deserve the life you want to live without looking over your shoulder, waiting for Bianchi to swoop in.”
She blinks then blinks again before dropping her eyes to her lap. Her fingers twine together. I study her, taking in every deep breath, cataloging the way she bites her bottom lip and then how it quivers when she releases it. I used to know this woman inside and out. Every dream and every fear. She may have been absent from my life for the past five years, but I still recognize when she’s fighting a battle within herself. This time, I’m determined to be better, to listen and not react. So I wait. Silence settles around us for seconds, or maybe minutes as they pass by, but I wait. I let her think and make her own decisions.
“I don’t want to run. I want my life back.” Her voice is quiet but steady. “So what do I need to do?”
“I offered my place as a sanctuary. It's off the compound, off the grid, and well hidden in the woods. No one except the brothers knows where it is. Karma and Squirrel helped me set up each and every camera and security point. You’ll be safe there,” I quickly explain to her.
Winnie’s eyes get big and her cheeks flame red. “I am not going toyourhouse.”
My hackles rise. “Why not?”
“You think that will make me safe?” She scoffs and jumps off the bed. Her arms wrap around her middle, and my gut clenches at the way she holds herself. “I won’t be safe with you, Dodger. I don’t trust you. There’s too much history and hurt feelings between us. I want to heal, to be free. And at the end of this, I plan to leave the club behind.”
“Leave me behind, you mean,” I say as her gaze whips to mine. Not only can I see her pain, but I can feel it deep in my bones where it resonates with mine. “At least this time, before you decide to walk out, let's make sure you have a plan first.”
“Screw you, Dodger,” she grits out, anger snapping in every word. For the first time since she arrived here, she looks alive. She might be hella mad right now, but there's color in her cheeks and a spark in her eye. She’s looking and acting like the woman I remember.
My lips lift in a smirk as I run my eyes over every inch of her. “Anytime, baby.”
Winnie throws her hands up in the air. “And this is why I can’t stay with you. It will never work because I’ll end up killing you before I’m truly safe.”
“Death by your hand would be a blessing. I haven’t been truly alive since you left and took my heart with you anyway.” I shrug, baring my truth and hoping she hears it.
“Don’t do that.” Winnie shakes her head, pacing the floor before glaring at me. Only this time, I see them, the tears she’s holding in. “Don’t make it out that I hurt you, when we both know you destroyed my soul way before you broke my heart.”
“I know, Win. I know it was my fault, that I fucked up. Only when I went to sleep that night, I thought I had a chance to fix it. You left before I even had a chance,” I fire back.
“You had a million chances, Dodger. You kept hurting me instead.” Her shoulders lift and fall before her hand wipes away the tears that landed on her cheek.
I want to hold her. I want to pull her into my arms and rock her body against mine so she can feel the way my heart beats only for her. As much as I want to hash out our past, right now I can’t make this about her and me. Winnie’s safety needs to come first. The threats against her need to be eliminated. Plus, if I keep pissing her off, I’m never going to get her to my cabin.My girl has always been a spitfire, never afraid to call me out on my bullshit. I miss that about her. I missed the way it was absent from her at the end before she left.
My hands clench at my sides, and I release them slowly before opening my mouth again. “Look, we can’t go back and change the past. Right now, my priority is making sure you’re safe, and as much as you may hate it, my place is the best option. When you see it, it will make more sense. I know you don’t trust me right now, Win, but at least let me make sure you’re safe from Bianchi.”
“I don’t trust you, Dodger. And I sure as hell haven’t forgiven you.” She glances away from me. And yeah, that fucking hurt. Her words are another reminder of the hill I have to climb to fix my wrongs.
“That’s fine, Win. I’m still going to protect you anyway,” I respond, feeling a real smile tilt my lips this time. I’ve waited one thousand, four hundred and sixty days for her to set foot in the home I built. I’d say my patience is top tier.
She glances at me quickly, then looks away. “Isn’t your old lady going to be upset that you’re bringing your ex to your house?”
Her words make me freeze. Something like elation spreads through my chest, thinking that she’s jealous. Until I stare at her long enough and see the naked pain on her face rather than anger, and it hits me. In our past, I was constantly turning down building us a house. First, because I wanted to have time to afford it, to prove to her that I could provide for her. Then later, because of fear that she would eventually realize I wasn’t good enough for her, and then I’d have this house all by myself when she eventually left. And I used every excuse I could to not take that step out of fear and self-hatred. We weren’t married. She wasn’t my old lady. Only married couples could build a house onthe compound. I rented us an apartment under the guise of it being closer to her school just to avoid the discussion.
I force myself to hold her gaze, even as I can feel my emotions clawing at my throat. “I don’t have an old lady, Winnie.”
I want to tell her that there's never been anyone for me but her. I want to tell her I built the cabin, hoping that when I found her, she’d want to live there and make it ours, like we always talked about. But now is not the time, and I haven’t earned the right to apologize yet.
She clears her throat and looks away, giving me her back. “I didn’t mean that how it sounded. I would just want to be respectful coming into another woman’s home.”
Her words hurt, and I fight the urge to rub my chest with my hand. “There isn’t another woman.”
She falls silent, and I can only watch as she breathes in and out, deeply as if she’s using her calming meditation shit. I smile, picturing her eyes closed, and her lips pursed like she used to before taking a big test or preparing for a long night of studying. Still, I don’t want to be the cause of her stress right now. Especially when we’re only at the tip of the iceberg of problems we’re about to face.
“I’d like to leave today for the cabin so we can start the next part of the plan to keep you safe. Take your time. I’ll be outside when you’re ready.” Without waiting for her response, I walk out of the room and gently close the door behind me. I’ve spent so many years avoiding this room and all the memories that it holds. Leaving this time, knowing she’ll be following me, wakes up something that’s been dormant for years. Something I thought I let go of when I realized she wasn’t coming back. Something I’m terrified to name. Hope.
Chapter 22
Winnie
