*FINN: shared a location
A groan leaves my throat. This week, Finn has been talking nonstop about a surprise he has for me. While I appreciate the gesture, the only thing I’m excited about is for these finals to be over. It's the last semester in my program before moving on to clinicals next semester. I’m so close to graduating that I can tasteit. I can’t wait to be working in the field and making my own money. Having some independence so that the money that takes care of me isn’t coming from the club.
Finn won’t admit to it, but I know they feel like I’m a financial drain, especially since I’m not even an actual family member. It's been three years since we came to Braham and a year since Finn became a full member. That night, I swore he was going to ask me to marry him, to be his old lady, and I was given a different gift instead. I get it, we are still young, and we’re working toward our future goals, but I thought by now we’d be married or at least engaged. His keeping me in limbo like this looks bad in the eyes of the club. I’m not a club whore, as I’m loyal and committed to Finn, but I’m not an old lady either. I’m a girlfriend, but I also help clean and cook at the clubhouse, which is the only way I earn my keep to stay there at night. The money Finn makes, he uses to help pay for my school and anything else we need, but it's expensive, and some of the girls have noticed. They’ve distanced themselves from me until we’re nothing more than cordially polite. More than once, I’ve been called a gold digger, a patch chaser, and accused of trying to trap Finn. Trap my own boyfriend who keeps promising we’re forever, but that the time just isn’t right. Each time he says this, I hold onto hope, even as a little part of me dies inside.
The first time I told Finn, he agreed with me that they were just jealous and confided in me that Bullet also told him to be aware that the girls might try tricks to tear us apart. We talked about it, and he made me feel better. Things were fine after that, so I let it go. Then I had another girl claim that Finn was only with me because he had promised to help me with school, and he felt bad. When I went to Finn about it, he rolled his eyes and said he didn’t have time for club drama, and neither should I. So I decided to push off the comments and excuse the rudeness, blaming it on the alcohol or the jealousy the girls may befeeling. In my head, I make it their issue even when deep inside, everything they say feels true.
ME: Just leaving the library. I’ll be there soon.
FINN: You’re still studying?
ME: I have finals this week, Finn.
FINN: You’re right. Well, I’m waiting.
Sighing, I pocket my phone in my jeans and pack up my books and notebook. The sky is dark when I exit the building and make the walk to where my Volkswagen Beetle is waiting. Once I reconnected with my parents, they decided to finally come visit me. They wouldn’t go to the clubhouse, but we met in town at our favorite restaurant. My dad surprised me when he handed me the familiar keys to my first car. I had launched myself across the table at him, hugging him and openly crying over it. Silly, yes, but it was nice to have that part of my old life back. It also gave me some mobility and freedom so that I didn’t have to depend on Finn to get everywhere.
On the drive over, I notice that the pin is leading me more into town and not at all close to the clubhouse compound. A frown pulls at my brow, but I keep following the GPS directions on my phone until I come to a stop in front of the new apartment complex that just went up this month. Pulling into the parking lot, I spot Finn leaning against his bike, his phone in his hands. When he sees me, he slides it into his pocket and walks over to my driver's side door after I park. He opens the door, and I’m met with his roguish, messy hair, the fine dusting of a beard on his jaw starting to grow in, and those electric blue eyes thatinstantly make me melt. With each year that passes, he keeps getting more gorgeous.
“Hey, Daisy.” His voice is low and intimate when he looks at me, before taking my hand and helping me out of the car. “Come on. The surprise is inside.”
I follow him into the building and then into a secure elevator. He pushes the button for the fourth floor, the top of the building. The elevator ascends smoothly, and soon the door dings, letting us know we’ve arrived. My hand is still in Finn’s, and he pulls me behind him down the hallway. We take a sharp left, and then I’m greeted with a front door.
“Do we know someone here?”
Finn chuckles and winks at me before holding the key fob up to the door. The light turns green and unlocks. He opens the door with a sweeping gesture. “Surprise!”
I blink. My eyes slide from him and into the bare, empty room. “Surprise what?”
For the first time, his smile falters. “Surprise, this is our new place.”
My brow rises, and my cheeks heat. I can’t tell if I’m angry, happy, or seriously sad. I want to cry, and yet I’d feel guilty if I did. “We have a new place?”
Finn leads me into the apartment, and the door closes behind me. He shoves his hands in his pockets, and his shoulders lift. “There was some movement happening since we have two new members, and I volunteered to take a smaller room when I’m at the clubhouse, and then I’ll be at the apartment here with you when I don’t need to be there.”
My arms wrap around my waist, gripping tightly, like I’m trying to hold my feelings inside. “I thought the rift between the Italians and the Irish was so bad that the members were encouraged to stay on the property with their families?”
Finn’s head drops, and his hand rubs across the back of his neck. “It is. Which is why Inspector and his old lady need our room.”
“So we’re kicked off the property? Is that even safe?” My eyes widen, and panic courses through me now.
“We aren’t married, and I don’t have a house on the property ready for us. As it is, when I am at the clubhouse on business, I’m going to end up rooming with Bullet or one of the guys. Anytime I’m not there, I’ll be here. This place is locked up tight. I did the security on it along with Karma. You’ll be safe here. You’ve been going to the self-defense classes, right? Plus, you aren’t my old lady, so there isn’t a target on your back,” he rambles, trying to assure me, but it just feels like the giant pit in my stomach is growing larger and larger.
I’m protected, but not enough to be allowed at the clubhouse because I’m not an old lady. “Why don’t you make me your old lady then? We can stay on the property, and it will be less going back and forth for you. I don’t like you being out in the open either, Finn.”
“Winnie, things are crazy right now with the club. The issues between the mafia and the Irish are spilling over into our territory. Prez is worried that there’s going to be a war and we’ll have to choose a side. That or we’ll be targeted for us to choose a side.” He paces the room, and I can see behind his eyes, his mind spiraling in a million different directions. “If we’re going to get married, I want to do it right, and right now everyone is occupied. I have long hours of work ahead of me. It's just not a good time. I was hoping this apartment would show you that I’m committed to you even though we can’t be traditionally part of the club together.”
I bite the inside of my cheek hard to stop the flow of tears that threaten to spill. I feel second best to the club. I hear his words, and in some way I understand, but at the same time I feel likehe’s stalling. “There will never be a perfect time to get married, Finn.”
He stops his pacing and turns to face me, his eyes running over me, stopping when he sees the tears swimming in my eyes. “Daisy?—”
“There will never be a safe time, either. You’re a member of an MC. There is always work, issues with other factions, other clubs needing jobs, territory disputes, all of it. It’s not going to magically stop one day so we can plan to get married,” I point out to him, feeling my heart squeeze in my chest as my throat tightens around the words. I hate feeling like I need to beg my boyfriend to want to commit, to want to marry me.
Finn doesn’t speak, and he can’t meet my gaze head-on. Guilt whirls in my stomach and mixes with the love and anger I feel. I take in the space, the open floor plan, new wood floors, and stainless-steel appliances. It is a beautiful space, and with some homey touches, I could see myself liking it here. But it feels second best to a cabin we should have on the property if we were married. I swallow back the emotion that is gripping my chest and making it feel like I can’t breathe. There’s a whole club of men and family who are depending on Finn. Depending on both of us to do what is needed to make sure everyone gets home safe at night and stays alive.
“Are we getting furniture or are we sleeping on an air mattress?”
His head snaps up, and a small smile tilts his lips. “The moving truck will be here in an hour. I thought we could order takeout while we wait.”
