My bike loops out of town, and soon I’m on the highway. My gaze scans the different exits, and for the first time since leaving home, my heart clenches in my chest. Winnie. I made the dumbest mistake earlier by letting my insecurities get to me. She was offering me comfort, her love, and I chickened out when it mattered. My girl is the only good thing in my life; she’s the only reason this last year at home has been somewhat manageable. Being free from here, from this life, won’t matter if she isn’t with me. I love her too much to let her go.
“Fuck it,” I mutter under my breath and take the second exit that will bring me right back to her doorstep. I gun it down the roads through her town until I take the turn into her neighborhood. It's quiet and dark; everyone’s houses shut up for the night. The stillness and quiet are comforting and reminiscent of all the times I’ve snuck her out already. The need to see her guides me as I walk carefully through the trees in her yard until I’m standing under her window. The light is off, just like in the rest of her house, and panic zips through my veins. As quietly as I can, I pick up a pebble from the ground and toss it against the glass. The light ping echoes in the silence, and I hold my breath, hoping to see my girl, before tossing another one. By the fourth pebble, her light finally turns on. I run my hands down my jeans, my hands now sweaty from gripping the little pebbles so tightly. My heart races for an entirely different reason when I finally see her peek around her blinds and glance down at me, before lifting open her window.
“What are you doing here, Finn?”
Her voice sounds husky, and her cheeks look blotchy from crying. Shame burns through me for hurting her, for being the cause of her tears. Now I know I made the right decision to come here tonight.
“Can we talk? Please, Win, can you come down here?”
She sighs, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip while contemplating what she should do. I stand firm, refusing to pressure her, but silently begging her with my gaze at the same time.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Finn. I need some time.”
My heart squeezes painfully with her denial, but I can’t let her go. I need to see her, to explain, and to apologize. I rush to the side of the pergola and start climbing up the sides before swinging my legs up over the top. The entire structure sways under my weight as I shift from foot to foot on the boards. How the hell she ever manages to sneak out onto this thing is a mystery. I’m going to break my neck before I even get to talk to her.
“Have you lost your mind?” Winnie hisses, her eyes watching me, and an angry blush smudges her cheeks. “You shouldn’t come up here.”
“I need to talk to you, Win. Please,” I beg her, my hands reaching up to her windowsill, asking for permission to enter her room. I watch the indecision flicker in her eyes, and it feels like a punch to the gut. “Please.”
Winnie steps back into her room, making room for me to slide through her window. When I straighten to my full height, I’m able to take a look around her room for the first time. Whenever I’ve visited the house, her parents only allow us in the living room and dining room, and when I pick her up, she usually sneaks down to me. My eyes sweep her room, noticing the neutral-colored walls, the colorless bedspread, and her deskwith neatly stacked books and notebooks on top. Everything is plain, boring, and very unlike the girl who lives in it.
“Why are you here?” Winnie asks, pulling my attention back to her.
I take in her leggings, her bare feet, and notice for the first time that she’s wearing another of my hoodies. My insides melt at the sight, and I want nothing more than to just hold her. “I’m sorry, Winnie. I don’t know what I was thinking earlier tonight. I made a mistake leaving here and letting you think I wanted to break up. I didn’t. I don’t. I was just embarrassed and stupid.”
Her shoulders visibly relax, but her teeth are still worrying her bottom lip. Her eyes deepen and fill with tears when my gaze meets her. “You really hurt me, Finn.”
“I know, Daisy, and I’m so sorry. It kills me knowing that I made you cry.” I reach for her, unable to keep myself from touching her any longer. My hands slide up her arms until they’re cradling her face. “I never want to hurt you. I took my feelings of inadequacy out on you. I was so scared you were going to leave me after what happened and I panicked. I love you, Winnie. I love you more than anything.”
A small sob escapes her lips, and tears fall down her cheeks. At the same time, her hands reach for me. I waste no time in pulling her into me and dropping my lips to hers. Her lips are warm and soft against mine. It takes very little for me to coax them open and dip my tongue inside her mouth, tasting her fully. She sighs into the kiss, and her arms wrap around my neck. Everything inside me demands that I lower her to the bed and make love to her the way she deserves until I remember the new reasons why I no longer can.
Reluctantly and painfully, I end our kiss and pull back. “Win, I need to talk to you.”
Her eyes open, their brown depths are warm and heated. “Now? We can’t talk after?” Her lips quirk up in a smile, causing a rumble of laughter in my chest.
“I wish. It's important. I did something.”
The smile on her lips falters, and concern floods her features. “Tell me.”
I exhale, feeling the full weight of my decisions tonight. As if sensing the storm brewing inside of me, Winnie takes my hand and leads me to the edge of her bed. Once she’s sitting, I run my hand through my hair, gathering my thoughts. “I went back home after dropping you off. I was just going to lock myself in my room and sleep it off. Except that Rose was still there. Declan had taken off and it was just me. She cornered me when I came in and demanded that I fix things. I told her I wouldn’t ever bring you there again. She got my dad. They’d both been drinking more, and he was angry.”
Her hand lifts, and her fingers touch the edge of my jaw where I can feel a bruise forming. “Oh my god, Finn.” Tears fill her eyes again. This time they’re for me.
“I’m okay. It looks worse than it feels,” I chuckle, but it's hollow. “I couldn’t stay there anymore, Winnie. I can’t let him think he can use you and your family through me. I can’t let him dictate my life and put his hands on me either. I packed a bag and snuck out.”
“Packed a bag?” Her brow rises. “Are you going to stay at Noah’s?”
My hands clasp in my lap, fingers twisting as doubt creeps in. I haven’t thought this through fully. I made a decision while I was hurt, running on adrenaline, and in fight or flight mode. “No,” I respond, turning to her and reaching for her hands.
Winnie’s hands clasp mine and she turns to face me. “I don’t understand.”
“I’m leaving, Winnie. I can’t stay in that house anymore. That town…” I shake my head, my eyes stinging.
“Where are you going?” she asks, her voice breaking.
“My mom has some family in Tennessee. One of my cousins said I could crash with him if I ever needed to, and I think I’m going to take him up on the offer.”
“Tennessee?” Her face pales, and her fingers tighten on mine. “What about school?”
