He turned, bringing them face to face, and enveloped her in his arms. Cody held on tight, his face buried in her hair as he tried to get as close to her as possible.
Ella’s fingers found their way into his hair. Her voice, raspy from sleep, murmured in his ear. “What’s wrong, Cody?”
“I hate that we don’t know what comes next. What your father might try. If anything.” He pulled back, cupping one of her cheeks. “I can’t protect you against the unknown.”
“Oh, my love.” Ella’s hands curled around his suspenders. “You’re not meant to protect me from everything. I won’t wilt away if things happen from time to time.”
“No, but…” He choked. His throat felt as though it was closing. Cody wheezed in some shallow breaths. “I can’t fail you. Not like I failed…” The words died on his lips, words he couldn’t seem to force from his battered heart.
Compassion radiated from Ella’s face. “Your mother?”
Tears stung his eyes. The dam holding back his words broke, words he’d never spoken in the past twenty years. “It should’ve been me. Not her. I should’ve made sure Ma and Cassie were safe on the ground before I jumped out of that wagon.” His voice cracked. Tears slipped down his cheeks. A cry escaped. Once he got started, he couldn’t stop.
Ella held him as he sobbed. He clung to her, his tears falling onto her neck. She rubbed his back and murmured soft words of comfort.
When he regained a sense of control, he pulled back, ears burning. “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize for feeling, Cody. Thank you for trusting me with your grief.” She ran a tender hand over his cheeks, drying his tears. “What happened to your mother wasn’t your fault.”
“But…”
She covered his lips with her fingers. “You were a child. It wasn’t your job to protect your mother—it was her job to protect her children. She sacrificed her life to save Cassie because she loved her. She loved you. I’d guess that if she had the choice to do it again, she would.” She let her hand fall from his face to his shoulder. “Is that why you’re so protective? Did it start that day?”
The thought never occurred to him before. But as he mulled it over, the truth became clear. “I reckon it did.”
“That moment marked you for life. It helped turn you into the man you are now.” Ella’s eyes were soft as she smiled. “I love your protective side, Cody. But you have to remember it’s not all you have to offer.”
“Sometimes it feels like it is.”
She cupped his cheeks. “You’re strong and brave. You provide for your family and love us. You’re a good boss. People trust you. You took on three children even though you had no idea what to do. You married a stranger to save her from her past. You have a strong faith.” Her brows rose. “Should I go on?”
Cody shook his head, the right side of his mouth turning up. “You’ve made your point.”
“Good.”
She took his hand and led him to the sofa. Once they sat, she gripped both his hands. Cody held them like a lifeline.
He forced another admission from his tight throat. “With everything going on, I feel the same helplessness I did in that ravine. There was nothing I could do then, and there’s nothing I can do now.”
She brushed a lock of hair from his forehead. “Do what you can, and trust God with the rest.”
Cody drew in a breath. “You’re right. That’s all we can do.”
Ella’s fingers trailed down his cheek. “That’s another thing I love about you. You’re humble enough to take suggestions.”
“Darlin’, that trait is mighty new.”
“I don’t think so. You might balk sometimes, but you’re quick to apologize and admit when you’re wrong.” She smiled. “That’s a good trait to pass down to your baby.”
“We’ll see. The boys are a bit stubborn, but maybe they’ll mellow as they get older. Addie’s too young to tell. As far as…”Wait a minute.His mouth dropped open. “Ella. What do you mean?”
Her smile grew. She pulled one hand from his and pressed it to her stomach. “It may be too early to know for sure, but…I think I’m pregnant.”
Air whooshed from his lungs. “Pregnant? Already? Is that even possible?”
She laughed. “Yes, Cody, it’s entirely possible. I missed my monthly cycle in April but thought it might be a fluke. Now I’m late for another.” Her eyes sparkled. “There’s usually only one reason for that.”
“A baby.” His gaze drifted down to her stomach. “Our baby.” He touched her abdomen, awe flooding him. “How soon can Doc confirm it?”
