I stare out the window, watching the porch lights flicker past like slow blinks in the dark. Baywood at night always feels quieter than it should, like the whole town is holding its breath.
I haven’t felt this awful in a long time. Or this alive. Messed up as it is, I welcome the pain. It means I’m more than a single dad running on autopilot. It means I’m still me.
We pass the Stone family barn, and for once, I don’t look away. I welcome the memories.
Xaden had been gone all summer, working at a farm across the state line. Said he’d be away all of August too. I missed him — pined afterhim, honestly — but there was also relief in not having to hide my feelings for a while. I’d been a blushing, barely functioning idiot around him for months, and I worried he was tired of it.
With him gone, I threw myself into the band. Alex, Devon, and I spent the summer rehearsing in Devon’s garage, dreaming big and joking around.
Then, the last weekend before school, Caspian threw one of his epic keg parties in his family’s renovated barn.
We played our usual set.I was singingWicked Gamewhen Xaden walked in. I almost dropped the mic.
***
He wasn’t supposed to be back yet. He wasn’t supposed to look at me like that, like I was the only secret worth keeping. Tanned from the summer, broader, impossibly hot, smirking like he knew every thought in my head.I barely survived the last verse. Afterward, I followed him outside like some moth to the most dangerous flame. “You’re here,” I said, wincing at how obvious I sounded.
He just smiled. “Came to hear the band.” Then, after a pause: “I like their singer.”
He said it like it meant something. Looked at me like I meant something.
I froze, like always.
I wanted to tell him how badly I had missed him, but the words got stuck in my throat.
He reached up, brushed something out of my hair, fingers lingering just enough to wreck me. Then he muttered something about an early start and walked away.
And I just stood there like a fool, hands in my pockets, watching him disappear into the shadows.
***
“Hey,” Caspian says gently, like he knows exactly where my mind’s gone. “We’re home.” We sit in the driveway a little longer. Noah stays asleep.
“You know,” Caspian says, leaning back, “when I saw him tonight, I wanted to ask if you were okay. But I figured that was a stupid question.”
“It’s not stupid,” I murmur. “It’s actually a very valid question.”
Caspian smiles, tired and knowing. “Yeah. I haven’t forgotten how it was between you two.”
“You noticed?” I deadpan. Pretty sure the entire school noticed. Later, there was even a group who claimed to ‘totally ship us’.
“Yes. For some weird reason I was paying close attention,” he says, meaning before he came out.
I smile faintly. “Yeah. After the Pumpkin Dance you basically cornered me at the lockers, asking if Lisa was telling the truth.”
Caspian groans. “I was a dick. ‘Did Xaden really tell Lisa he likes a boy?’ None of my business, and you were right to tell me so.”
“You had your reasons,” I say. “But Lisa and Justin and his stupid friends… I was so pissed at them.”
We fall quiet again. Not uncomfortable, just both caught in our own thoughts. Eventually, Caspian reaches back to unbuckle Noah’s seatbelt.
“Come on,” he says softly. “Let’s get you both inside.”
I tuck Noah in, stroke his cheek, watch his eyelids flutter.
When I tiptoe out, Caspian’s standing in the hall, ready to go. “I helped myself to a sandwich,” he says, yawning. “But I also made you one. And there’s tea. Noah get back to sleep okay?”
“Yeah, he barely woke up when I brushed his teeth,” I smile, glancing at the kitchen table. There’s a sandwich on a plate, a teabag already in the mug. A painstakingly tender mix of love and gratitude washes over me.
