The crackle of a bonfire, the now familiar burn of smoke at the back of his throat.Declan.And there was Declan on the loveseat, his legs draped over the arm and his eyes on the ceiling, spilled like ink across the cushions.
“Christ, what sort of asshole walks off in the middle of breakfast?”Antonio asked, lips twisting into an attempt at a smile.“Someone should tell that bastard to get over himself.”
“Probably he had his reasons,” Declan answered, shifting to face Antonio.“As someone told many a time to get over himself, I believe I’d have to hear the bastard out.”
It was better like this.Just the two of them.They made sense.It was the rest of the fucking world that didn’t.Worlds.His and Declan's.Worlds broken for themselves and fucked all to hell for the other.
At least Declan was trying to fix his.It was more than Antonio’d ever done.
“Nah.I've heard him go on about his feelings.Soft touch.Squeamish.Be a waste of your time.”Antonio shrugged, trying to sound like he meant it.He did mean it.“You do what you gotta to survive, that's what I say.Got a boyfriend who's trusting you to come out the other side of this.”
“I intend to challenge Nimai to a duel,” Declan said, like that was a normal thing to say and not a reason for Antonio’s pulse to kick back up.“The party Tsuri and Nae spoke of is in a handful of days.Talia agreed to take me.”
“Alright.”It came out tighter than he wanted it to.But it wasn’t like Declan needed his permission.
“Would you come?”
Would hecome?And there with the question, ink faded, smoke lost to a cloudy sky.Because Declan didn’t trust him.
“Fuck’s sake, Murderpunk.”The words came out thick with concern and frustrated affection.Why did no one in the damned house think he could be trusted to keep an oath?“Swore I’d have your back.I’m yoursoulbond.And your boyfriend.I’m sure as hell not sticking around here waiting to be cursed or eaten while you go to some bullshit fae fight to the death.”
He wanted toshakethe bastard.He wanted to drag him into his arms and hold on.But Declan was still on the couch, and the habits of being a big guy around people who weren’t kept him by the door.
You didn’t loom over people.You didn’t.Even though Declan could easily throw him across the room, Antonio wasn’t going to walk over there and stand over him like a prick.
“Soulbond and boyfriend doesn't mean I'm going to assume you'll go to a bullshit fae fight and fancy party.”
“Yes.It does.Itshould.If I came down here and said, ‘Hey Declan, got this errand that might kill me,’ you better fucking believe I’d assume you’d want to come along.That you wouldn’t send me off to die on my own.”Jesus, he was bad at this.Taking a shaky breath, he tried again.“Declan.I love you.I know you know that.You really believe I’d make you do this alone?”
“Loving you doesn’t mean I suddenly start speaking for what you’ll do.I’ve asked.I’vealwaysoffered.”Declan sounded just as frustrated as Antonio knew he was, and it turned out lust wasn’t the only thing that got reflected and magnified.“I can’t imagine going there without you.I don’t want to.But I can’t make the choice for you, especially not with this.”
The air was smoke and ash, and Declan wanted to go commit murder orbemurdered, and all Antonio would be able to do was watch.
“I’m not telling you to make my choices.I just–” Take a breath.Another.“I’ve got my back up.I get like that sometimes, especially around fae shit.I don’t like it, alright?A duel at a party?It’s just bloodsport with cocktails.And I’ll have to stand there and watch.Fucking useless.”Hollow.“But that doesn’t mean I let you down.Doesn’t mean I send you off alone.If I bolted every time shit got under my skin, I’d never stop running.”
“You arenotuseless.Even if it’s not possible for me to draw on you, I am stronger with you near than I am without.”Declan’s voice had that tight, careful tone of someone trying not to shout.“I don’t know what to say, Antonio.Asking wasn’t intended as a slight, thinking you’d abandon me utterly into the jaws of the fae elite.”
Except Declanwasn’tsure.Antonio could feel his doubt.That bracing for being left behind.
“Look.I shouldn’t have–” Tone forced soft.Apologetic.“Next time I’ll stay at the damn table, alright?”
Declan stood, though he came no closer.Each of them in their corner, neither knowing how to bridge the gap.
“I'd rather know why you left so I can not do whatever it was that made you leave.”Declan’s low rasp had gone soft as well, and his pale blue gaze stayed fixed somewhere over Antonio’s shoulder.“I don't want to become that kind of fae to you, the ones you won't look at.”
He needed to drag Declan into his arms.To hold him tight and say the words that would take the pain from his voice.But he didn’t know what those words were.Still, Antonio took a step away from the door and then another.
“Talking about killing someone, it’s not something I’m used to, alright?I needed a minute to get my head together.When everyone already thinks you’re crazy, it’s not a good idea, getting upset in front of people.Bad things happen.”Locked doors and bottles of pills.“It’s not you, alright?It’s never you.You’re the one good thing I’ve got.”
“Two,” Declan said, thickly.“You've got an impressive car.And don't… don't stay at the table if you need a moment.I didn't know.”
Declan offered a small smile as he spoke and took a step forward.Close enough to touch.Almost.
“Yeah.Got a fantastic car.”When it wasn’t hard, it was so fucking easy.Declan knew how to reach into him, past the surface to untie the parts that got all knotted up with pain and history.“Wish I could take you driving.”
Antonio closed the remaining distance between them, reaching to draw Declan toward him.Words on his lips, almost said.Reassurance and explanation.
He never got the chance.
