“My opinion is rather biased,” Declan added, just to hear Antonio’s breath catch on that laugh again.
“That’s the preamble,” he promised, laugh faded, determination quiet in its wake.“Right.Okay.I’m– It’s … this.”He gestured vaguely between them.This.“Not the bond.Just.Us.”
Oh.
“Anything in particular about us?”Somehow, he kept the drop in his stomach from his voice.“If you dislike my fashion, that’s a non-negotiable.”
“I can’t– You’re so …everything.”Not even said with a chuckle, the way someone might if rightly calling Declan out on his dramatics.“Patient and clever and fucking hilarious.Incredibly, unimaginably hot.”
That…
That was not a conversation started halfway through.
“I… Pardon?”
“I know.Okay?I know it’s not mutual.I’m not asking you for anything.But I sleep in your room.I drag you after me like a security blanket.It’s all the time and it’s always and I can’t get away from it.”Antonio kept his eyes on his hands, wrists without adornment, fingers flexing once, then still.“I can’t eventhinkabout it too much or, fuck, jerk off in the shower because you know what I’mfeeling.”
What was Declan tosayto that?
“We don’t feel through the bond when one of us is sleeping,” apparently.
A truth he’d tested and retested on a nightly basis.
Antonio shook his head and exhaled a near-soundless, joyless laugh.“Good to know.”
Say something.
“Why do… Did I say something to suggest it’s not mutual?”
“You’reyou.”And, voids and starshine, Antonio’s voice was as choked with emotion as Declan’s wasn’t.“Even if you hadn’t said it at the start, I’m no one’s first choice.Shit, even as a bond, I was, what, your eighth pick?”
“Was it the mating quip?”Declan stared at him, eyebrows knit together.He grappled for words, so often his most ready tool, and came up wanting.All he managed was a desperate, “I think there may have been a misunderstanding.”
It wasn’t the right thing to say.Antonio shook his head, jaw set and fingers still.
“I’m not actually delusional.Just,” another quick head shake and a short, sharp exhale, “maybe try to forget I said anything.This isn’t your problem.”
This wouldn’t do.Itwouldn’t.Declan could doubt his own appeal all day long, sexual or otherwise, but he’d not let Antonio thinkanyof that.
“I am sluagh,” Declan said, watching the top of Antonio’s head.Said it, as if that explained everything.And it would, to a fae.But for Antonio, who didn’t mind sluagh, who found themincredibly, unimaginably hot, it wouldn’t be enough.“I thought any bond would have the barest of contact with me a day.For their own safety, regardless of anything else.And, as I don’t obligate people to my bed, I didn’t want to make you think intimacy was required.”
Declan watched, helpless, as Antonio did not watchhim.The desktop.His hands.But no further.If he thought a new bond oath would dispel the tight clutch in Antonio’s voice when he said “Please don’t fucking reassure me,” Declan would swear it.Anything to rid the scent of noon-scorched blood from the following, tight, “I’mfine.”
Declan’s hand found Antonio’s hair.Soft, thick curls, looking darker than they were against the white of Declan’s skin.Declan carded his nails through them, catching a lock here and there, but gentle.His own racing heartbeat ignored in favor of the way Antonio’s breath caught.And caught again.
“You’re grand,” he agreed, allowing his touch to drag over Antonio’s scalp, drawing out those hitching breaths.“Brave.Considerate.Bloody hilarious.And if I’d known there would be you, I’d have approached no other.Not even Kevin and his bright yellow shirt.”
Thank the voids and stars alike, Antonio laughed.Short, surprised, rough at the edges, but he did, twisted warmth around Declan’s throat with it.
“Not a fan of muscular arms?”And, yes, a smile lurked in that question, for all Declan couldn’t see it.The cut of his emotions dulled, the iron sting softening
“I’m quite keen on muscular arms,” Declan countered, smiling himself.Relaxing, just a touch.Hope, that silly, stupid thing, dared make itself home in his chest.“But I would much rather those that come with a man I imagine tastes of leather and sunlight.One who looks at me with Hollow sight only to conjure descriptions such as ‘incredibly, unimaginably hot’ even after witnessing me at, arguably, my least appealing.”
Sick at the beach, but no different after.Offered him a jumper, a joke, the best smile either could manage.Welcomed the drag of Declan’s nails, the lack of a glamour’s bite.
If Declan had known there would bethis, his silly, childish wishes would have found form in Antonio’s name.
Antonio, who drew in another shaking breath.Whose exhale carried something broken free, loosed from wherever unwanted emotions hid.Want.Raw and urgent, sharp clawed and unfettered, bleeding through their bond, wildfire quick.
