Stepping in front of her, I gently tilt her chin up, finding that stubborn look in her eyes. “River.” I stroke the pad of my thumb over her jaw. “What happened?”
She leans away from my touch, shifting her attention away from mine. “Every woman has a story. I’m not special.”
She is. She is so fucking special, and I force myself to keep my hands at my sides. I’m consumed with the need to break something becausethisis something every woman experiences.Thisis something I need to worry about with my sister.Thisis something Nadine has been forced to suffer through.
“You shouldn’t have a story. No one should have a story.”
Her snort of laughter is part condescension, part exhaustion. “I don’t really want to make it a thing, okay? It happened, it’s over, and there isn’t anything you can do to change it, so I’d really like you to stop the nostril-flaring and fist-clenching.”
I take a deep breath and cross my arms so she can’t see my fisted hands anymore. “What happened?”
“I was friends with this guy in college. We flirted and kissed a few times, whatever.” She waves a flippant hand. “We were at a party at his off-campus house one night. Both of us had been drinking, and I had been making out with him?—”
“Please don’t make excuses,” I grit out, my voice so low even I’m surprised at what it sounds like.
“I’m not. I’m just explaining to you what happened, and why I felt…” She slips past me to the kitchen, stuffing her keys and cell phone into her purse. “We were hooking up, but I was still a virgin and I wanted to stop.” She presses both of her hands into the counter, closing her eyes. “I just wasn’t comfortable enough to tell him to stop. He was my friend, so I didn’t want to disappoint him, I guess. And he kept going, kept taking his clothes off, kept taking mine off, and I…”
She lifts her head, glancing over her shoulder at me as if I could fill in the rest. I can, and it makes me furious. “You never actually consented?”
“I kept quiet. I don’t know why. He wasn’t violent ordisrespectful, but he kept telling me how long he’d been waiting, how he was so happy to finally be doing it, and that he’d make sure it felt good.”
My jaw aches with how hard I’m clenching, barely grunting out the words. “But it didn’t?”
“No.”
I think my jaw cracks from the pressure of grinding my teeth. She lifts a shoulder, and I’m getting tired of her shrugs. Then again, womankind is probably tired of my existence. Of men, in general.
“I didn’t say no, but I also didn’t want it to happen. I didn’t fight back, I didn’t leave, I just…let him do what he wanted. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, and I was too embarrassed to admit I didn’t like it.”
It feels like a physical blow, and I hunch over, holding back a shout of frustration. “Consent, enthusiastic consent is the fucking bar. The lowest bar. And he didn’t wait. He didn’t ask. It was as?—”
“Don’t.” She throws her bag over her arm, car keys in hand. “Please don’t say it out loud because it makes it worse. It’s a thing that happened, a bad experience I’ve dealt with and learned from, okay? I’ve never let it happen again. I stand up for myself now.”
Yeah. I know that firsthand, and when I step toward her, she shakes her head. She doesn’t want me in her space. So I stay right where I am, helpless.
She pushes a loose piece of hair behind her ear. “I told you because I don’t need you bulldozing into my life, talking about what nice guys do. Iknowwhat they are capable of.”
“Have you told anyone else about this?”
“Some girlfriends.” She smiles the saddest smile I’ve ever seen. “These are stories we share in whispers over wine. Battle scars we show off to each other.”
I don’t have words for how utterly useless I feel. “I’m sorry.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” She ignores the apology and brushespast me. I don’t bother chasing her, understanding that she needs time alone.Ineed time alone. But I do stop her with one more question.
I stand in my open door as she waits for the elevator. “What happened to him?”
“Don’t know. He never talked to me again after that night.”
Motherfucker.
“And just so we’re clear,” she says, the spark I love so much back in her eyes. “I am fully aware of who is a nice guy and who is not.”
With the way she scowls at me, I assume she means I amnota nice guy. Well, if the shoe fits…
A day later, as I’m on my way to the team dinner in the hotel, I receive a text.
Did you get a second trainer hired?
