“You’re not.Love magic can do these things.And no need to protest—I know it wasn’t love.It’s just what it’s called.However, magic also has limits.In some ways you remember.Last night I noticed that you were tired, physically tired, and you would have had nightmares if I hadn’t been there.I don’t want you to have nightmares, Kai.”
Kai put his half-finished food on his plate and wiped his fingers on a napkin.“I think I lived a nightmare.For three years, can you believe that?It took me three fucking years to come to my senses.What’s wrong with me?”
His voice was like an air bubble rising from the deep, unsubstantial and fleeting.Once again, Fian longed to hold Kai, wrap him tight.Would that be right?I don’t know.I don’t know what to do either.
“Why do you assume that something is wrong with you?Nothing is wrong with you, that’s obvious.You’re smart and sassy.You have great taste, both in your fashion choices and in your food choices.”
“Sassy.Work buddy used to say that.I used to get these headaches.I think that was when I tried to think for myself.So I stopped.I just stopped fighting.Who does that?”
Fian reached out across the table but stopped just short of taking Kai’s hand.“Kai.A smart fish who is caught in a brutal net does exactly that.He freezes.He does it to survive.He does it in order to live long enough to slip the cruel fisherman’s cold hands.You’ve slipped your net.”
“Then why the fuck doesn’t it feel like I did?”Kai asked, salt spilling from his eyes.
And for that, Fian didn’t have an answer.He scooted closer, said, “You can lean on me if you want to be held.”
Eventually, Kai did, and Fian wrapped his arms around him.
15
Kaifeltmuchbetterafter the food.They stayed at the little corner table much longer than necessary, but Fian’s company was soothing, oddly comforting, even though they didn’t know each other well.
He doesn’t seem to mind that I’m being such a downer.Or that…he doesn’t seem to mind what happened to me.
Every time Kai thought about what that was, his mind seemed to go in circles around a place Kai couldn’t quite see.The last three years he’d spent as Nick’s boyfriend—“under the barnacle man’s enchantment” as Fian put it—were like a cactus, long thorns keeping Kai from touching it.Yet at the same time, not thinking about it wasn’t an option either.
Helping Fian buy a phone made a great distraction though, and Kai was absolutely ready to get distracted when they walked into the electronics store.
“Do you know what you want?”he asked Fian, who’d been distracted by an air fryer he was examining with unabashed curiosity.
“A phone to call people with.It seems I will need it to organize things.”
Kai chuckled.“Calling people.How old-fashioned.”
Fian stepped away from the air fryer.“Is it really?”
“Nah.But making calls is pretty much a given with anything you get.Size, screen, camera, connectivity, that’s mostly what people are interested in.Oh, and how much you want to spend on it.”
Fian nodded like a fish contemplating walking on dry land.Then he brightened.Kai thought he saw him go a light blue around the nose.
“Oh, but I have an idea that isthe best.Do you know what kind of phone you’re going to get?You didn’t like that flip phone.”
Kai sighed.Right.I do need a phone if only to call for help.“I guess—”
“You get that.Get the nicest one.And then I pay for it because you’ll let me use it whenever I’m in the human realm.That way, I don’t have to worry about it getting wet when I’m going back and forth, you have a phone you like, and I can file it as a business expense.We do that too in the Morpheusrealm.Taxes.So annoying.”
Kai didn’t love the idea, but he was tired, and Fian was excited.Just like when he’d waved at Kai, just like when he’d carried all those clothes, it was this excited brightness of Fian’s that shone through the fogginess in Kai’s mind.It was like a sour taste cutting through too much sweetness, and Kai found himself reacting to it.
He’s an anchor and a life raft.Maybe he’s good for me.Fuck, is he really a demon?Am I really in the process of befriending a demon?
“You’re pushy,” Kai said, looking over to the phones.
“Just a little bit.”Fian stepped closer.“I want to see you enjoy something because that makes me happy.”
“You have to tell me if I go overboard though.I’m a coder.I like fancy tech.”
“Then you’re just like me.I’m a carver, and I like fancy carving tools.Allow me to enable you.”
Kai smiled and looked up at Fian’s ocean eyes.Some of the darkness that clung to him lost its hold.
