‘The password’s “Lottie”. Help yourself.’
‘Thank you.’ He smiles. ‘I’ll have a look. I won’t take it anywhere, or tell anyone I’ve seen it.’
‘But I thought you said the police—’
‘Fuck the police,’ says Waterhouse.
I laugh. ‘Wow.’
‘So we’ve got a deal? Full disclosure both ways?’ His stare is terrifying. What was I thinking? ‘You give me everything you’ve got.’ He makes it sound like an order. ‘You hold nothing back. In return, I’ll do the same. And nothing you tell me will go any further. Agreed?’
‘Full disclosure both ways,’ I mumble, feeling as if my heart might jump out of my mouth and fly across the kitchen table at him. I can only hope and pray that this won’t turn out to be the biggest mistake of my life.
He nods, and holds out his hand for me to shake.
12th July 2006
I’ve been giving my ‘Too Good’ idea some proper thought. It works. I’ve stress-tested it from all directions. No one can put a dent in it, I don’t think – least of all me, and, let’s face it, I’m the only one likely to try. Perverse as it seems in so many ways, I think the Too Good Ollie theory is the magic ingredient I need: the conceptual foundation (listen to me!) that cannot be argued against, that’s going to make me believe, forever, that of course Paddy has to be, and was always going to be, the one. Of course Paddy’s perfect and Ollie isn’t.
Why? Because Ollie IS perfect!!
It’s taken me two days to fully understand it, and I’m the one who invented the proof. Yes, I’m calling it a proof because isn’t that what mathematicians and scientists call it when they formulate watertight theories?
Here’s how it goes, in full (allow me to ‘show my workings’!):
a. Ollie is perfect.
b. Anyone who would even consider choosing, let alone actually choose, someone inferior in every way (Paddy) over Ollie must be very inferior themselves (harsh, yes, but how can this not be true?).
c. Anyone very inferior to Ollie doesn’t deserve to be with Ollie; he deserves to find someone as high quality and impressive as he is.
d. Therefore, who is theperfect choice of love object and romantic partner for an inferior person who would choose Paddy over Ollie? Why, Paddy, of course!
I can’t say this makes me at all happy (I’m crying writing it) but I don’t need to be happy in order to go along with what the Tyrant has decreed. I just need to be able to believe that it’s somehow right and, most importantly, a blessing for Ollie rather than a tragedy.
22
Wednesday 1 November 2023, 1.15 p.m.
SIMON
‘Soon as I’d said it, I thought, “What horrendous thing have I just done?”’ Simon told Jemma. He hadn’t been able to admit it to himself until now, let alone to anyone else: exactly how much he’d regretted those terrible words.
He and Jemma were sitting in her lounge with new mugs of tea: her second, his third. ‘I could hardly take it back, though, or say, “Actually, forget you heard that. I don’t really want you to kill anyone. I’m just in the worst mood I’ve been in since records began.” Didn’t want to come across as weak or mad, so I had to try and convince myself I’d only said it because I was absolutely sure you were a time-waster who’d never harm anyone. That’s what I told Charlie, myself, everyone. I mean, I thought you were probably an attention-seeking weirdo, talking shite—’
‘Gee, thanks.’ Jemma smiled.
‘—but I couldn’t know for sure, could I? And then when I went back to the nick and Doug Brodigan told me Marianne Upton wasdead.’ Simon shook his head. ‘You can’t imagine my relief when it turned out she’d been killed while you and I were together. Thank Christ! It wasn’t my … encouragementthat moved the needle and got a woman killed. I was off the hook.’
‘And I wasn’t,’ said Jemma.
‘I believe you, for what it’s worth,’ Simon told her. ‘I just don’t see how you can know Tulloch didn’t go rogue. I’ve met the man, and I can easily imagine him turning round and going, “Oh, sorry, misunderstanding! Still, you’d better pay me the full five grand now.”’
Jemma was shaking her head. ‘Totally get why you’d think that, but no. Doing that would alienate me for ever and he knows it. What Tom wants most is to get back under my … wing, I guess. He’d never risk it. Plus, Tom’s the only one, out of everybody, who had no way of finding out what was in the diary file on my laptop. How would he have known I’d picked Monday 30 October at quarter past five? I don’t believe the timing of the murder can be a coincidence.’
Simon didn’t either. ‘Who do you mean by “everybody” and when could they all have got into your diary?’
‘Last Sunday, and so many times before then as well,’ said Jemma. ‘For all I know, there were regular … invasions, dating all the way back to when I started writing it earlier this year.’
