“I did the classic stupid female thing and gave him an ultimatum. I told him I was going to break it off if he didn’t support me and he said fine, more or less. Actually more. Itmade me realize how unimportant I was to him as well as to the boys.” She sniffed and looked away.
“I thought he’d realize what he was losing,” she said after a moment. “I imagined he’d come charging to me, stand up for me to my mother and the press and everyone. I wanted a knight in shining armor, and I’m afraid I didn’t get one.” She sniffed again. “Sorry. I thought I was over this. And I am over Thomas, because leaving him didn’t actually hurt that much. It was just realizing how stupid I’d been, how easy it was for him to let me go, that hurt.”
The apple cart had moved on, and Bella and Poppy were returning with the fronts of their hoodies full of apples.
Alex didn’t say anything, and Lucy was starting to wish she hadn’t just off-loaded a whole Dumpster of emotional garbage. Just what Alex wanted from this day. He was probably freaking out, wondering if she was equating him with Thomas, and his girls with Will and Garrett. What if he came out with some awful line about how they were just friends? And what had happened to her resolution to keep today light and unthreatening for Alex and the girls? She knew Bella was suspicious of her, if her obvious silence and endless sighs were anything to go by. Poppy was easy to love; she’d slipped her hand in Lucy’s as soon as they’d left the car.
And knowing herself, Lucy acknowledged, she’d love Bella too. She’d love all of them, if they’d just give her a chance, and that’s what scared her. She didn’t want to end up as she had before, trying so hard and getting nowhere. Having a man choose his children over his girlfriend, a choice Lucy agreed with in some ways but that she hadn’t wanted Thomas to have to make. She certainly didn’t want Alex to make it.
So what was she doing here, holding Poppy’s hand and confiding in Alex? Why was she upping the ante with every moment she spent with this family?
“What on earth are you going to do with all those apples?” she asked the girls. Time to get back some lost ground, and make this light again. “Make loads of applesauce?”
“Apple crumble!” Poppy crowed, and then made the mistake of dropping her hands from her hoodie, so the apples rolled everywhere. “Oh, no!” Her eyes filled with tears and her lip wobbled and before Lucy could even think about what she was doing—or why—she was down on her knees, chasing after the apples. Bella made some kind of snorting sound and belatedly Lucy realized how ridiculous she must look, cavorting around on all fours after a bunch of apples you could easily buy in the supermarket.
This was what she did, she acknowledged as she reached for another bruised apple. She tried too hard. She acted pathetic and ridiculous and something about it pushed people away.
Slowly she got to her feet, a few of the apples cradled in her arms. The knee of her tights was ripped, she saw, and they were a new pair. Not that she cared about her tights, or even the apples. She cared about Poppy, about Bella, and, yes, about Alex, and she was afraid it was already too late to stop herself from caring even more. From getting hurt.
“Here you go,” she told Poppy, thrusting the apples she’d collected back into the little girl’s hoodie. “Sorry I couldn’t get them all.”
“You didn’t have to do that,” Alex said, and Lucy forced a smile.
“I know.”
Then Poppy hurled herself at Lucy, wrapping her arms around Lucy’s waist. “Thank you,” she mumbled, her face pressed against Lucy’s middle, and Lucy’s arms came awkwardly around the girl.
She glanced up from Poppy’s head still pressed to her stomach to see both Alex and Bella watching them, their expressions unreadable. Then Bella turned abruptly away and Alex smiled.
“Shall we have a look at all the food stalls?” he asked.
They walked along the market square, looking at the food stalls and different exhibits for a while, and Lucy was glad to relax a little. Maybe she just needed to stop obsessing over every little action and just enjoy the day, accept whatever it brought. Easier said than done, of course, but she’d try.
A man with a megaphone blared right next to them. “Last chance to enter the greasy pole competition! Winner gets a whole leg of lamb!”
“Daddy—,” Poppy began, and Alex shook his head firmly.
“You’ve got to be kidding me, Poppy. There’s no way I’m doing that.”
Lucy glanced in bemusement at the greased pole that was festooned with ribbons and had, amazingly, a leg of lamb perched on the top for the lucky—and greasy—winner.
“You sure you don’t want to try?” she teased, and Alex emphatically shook his head.
“I think you should, Dad,” Bella suddenly said, her eyes glinting a challenge. “You’re pretty strong, for an old guy. I reckon you could manage it.”
“Thanks, Bella,” Alex answered dryly, “but this old guy intends to stay with his feet planted firmly on the ground.”
“Of course you won’t even try,” Bella said, her face tightening as she looked away. Watching the exchange, Lucy had the feeling that Bella had been challenging her father for more than just amusement’s sake. Did she want Alex to prove himself somehow?
“Maybe you should, Alex,” Lucy said, and he stared at her in amazement.
“Are you having me on? It’s practically impossible, and frankly I have no desire to be covered in grease—”
“Don’t be such a prig.”
“Aprig—”
“I think you should try.”
