“Did you love him?”
Juliet thought about this for a moment. “No,” she finally said. “I don’t think I did.”
Lucy pondered too, about how different she and Juliet really were. Juliet kept herself from loving people, while she swan-dived into the emotion with abandon and glee.
“What about the baby?” she asked Juliet. “Did you . . . did you want the baby?”
Juliet’s face contorted for a second and then her expression ironed out. “Yes,” she said tonelessly. “I wanted the baby.”
“Oh, Juliet . . .”
Juliet shrugged off any sympathy Lucy had been about to give. “It was a long time ago.”
“But it must have been awful,” Lucy said quietly. “Going through that alone . . .”
“Yes,” Juliet agreed after a slight pause. “Yes, that part wasn’t much fun.” She took a deep breath and then continued, her voice low. “The man in question wasn’t keen on me having a baby, of course. He wanted me to have an abortion, and when I refused, he stopped speaking to me altogether. I didn’t mind so much then, but when I was in hospital with the burst tube and I was unconscious . . .” She paused, her gaze shuttered and distant. “The hospital called him, as my emergency contact. And he refused to come.”
Lucy’s heart ached to imagine Juliet alone in the hospital, her very life in danger, and the father of her would-have-been child refusing even to see her. No wonder her half sister had a few issues.
“I’m so sorry,” Lucy whispered. And then, because she wanted to show her sister that she wouldn’t reject her, she stood up and opened her arms up for a hug. Juliet simply stared. Lucy started walking towards her.
“What are you doing?” Juliet asked, her voice cracking.
“I’m giving you a hug, silly.”
Juliet stood woodenly while Lucy put her arms around her, and didn’t soften into the hug in the least. After a moment Lucy took her arms away and stepped back. So maybe they’d try that again someday.
“So, you still want a baby.” Juliet eyed her warily and said nothing. “What are you going to do about it?” Lucy asked.
Juliet hesitated, and then answered, “My appointment in Carlisle a few weeks ago was at a fertility clinic. I was looking into going the sperm donor route.”
“Oh, don’t,” Lucy cried, and Juliet raised her eyebrows.
“Why not? It seems a sensible option.”
“Because I hated not having a dad. I still do. Even kids with divorced parents have someone, you know. A deadbeat dad is better than nothing, a man who doesn’t even know you exist.”
“You can contact a sperm donor when you turn eighteen. Did you think about doing that?”
“Thought about it,” Lucy admitted. “But I never did. It just seemed too . . .”Risky.She didn’t really need another parent in her life who wasn’t interested in her. “Didn’t you wish you had a dad?”
Juliet frowned. “I wished I knew who my dad was.”
“And don’t you think your child would be the same?”
She shrugged impatiently. “It hardly matters. Like I said, I have limited fertility. I got a reminder from the clinic today to go in for my fertility consultation.Assessment.” She pressed her lips together, and Lucy guessed this was what had put Juliet into a dark mood.
“So what are you going to do?” she asked.
“I don’t know. Forget it, probably. It was a stupid idea.”
“Having a baby isn’t necessarily a stupid idea. If your biological clock is ticking—”
“What does that even mean, anyway?” Juliet said, and Lucy smiled.
“I don’t really know. But what was motivating you, then, to even think about sperm donors?”
Juliet took a sip of tea, her expression turning both thoughtful and guarded. “I suppose,” she said slowly, “I just want someone to belong to. And someone who belongs to me.”
