CHAPTER 27
Cassian wondered if his wife could tell that he was lying.
There was no business to attend to, but he knew it was the only way he could leave without her thinking he was abandoning her. That was not what he wanted to do at all, but he needed to leave. He needed to spend time alone before he lost his mind.
It was a lesson learned. He had been vulnerable with her, and she had taken it as an invitation to go too far. If that was how she was going to be, then he would not let her in again.
Not having anywhere to truly go, he decided to visit his friend.
Rowan was surprised to see him, but welcomed him in regardless.
“If that is what you insist on doing,” he sighed when Cassian explained everything, “then you are more foolish than I thought.”
“What else is there for me to do? I trusted her.”
“And she had more questions that you had not answered. I understand that you are unhappy with what she did, but that does not mean you can run away and hide. That is not anger; that is cowardice.”
“It is all much the same. The outcome is unchanged, in any case. Besides, she betrayed me by going into the west wing, so I have every right to do the same.”
“Ah, so you have decided to be just as bad. That makes perfect sense.”
“Would it hurt you to be kinder to me? I did not come here asking for your judgment.”
“No, but if you wanted pity, you would have sought a mistress. As you have not done so, it means that part of you wants to fix things. Therefore, it is only fair that I tell you what I think.”
“I will never take a mistress. I will not embarrass Adelaide like that.”
“No, because you care about her. I am pleased that we are in agreement.”
Rowan let the words sink in for a moment.
Cassian could not deny that he cared for his wife, but that was what made it hurt all the more when she disobeyed him. He knew that resisting her would be futile in the end, but he had hoped that she would at least prove that it was worth the risk.
“Must you always side with her?” he grumbled. “It feels as though every time we discuss something that has happened, you leap to her defense. You are supposed to bemyfriend.”
“Which I am. If I were not truly a friend to you, I would simply agree with every word you say, like those debutantes you so detest. I disagree with you because I think you will be making a mistake if you do not fix yourself.”
“The mistake was allowing her to?—”
“The mistake was leaving rather than mending things. You can try to fool yourself into thinking you have done what is right, but we both know it is not. I can sit by and tell you that I am pleased if it is truly what you want, but we both know why you are here.”
“To see a friendly face.”
“To be told that you are wrong,” Rowan corrected. “You knew that I would tell you that I think you are foolish, and that is why you came here.”
“Do you think I am foolish?”
“Do you think she was truly trying to make you relive that night?”
Silence ensued.
Cassian instinctively reached for the scar on his neck. He only brushed it with his fingertips, but it felt like he was being burned all over again. He dropped his hand, wincing.
Having had time to think it through, he was not so certain that his wife had deliberately tried to push him. She had repeatedly told him that she was only trying to understand, but he had not believed a word of it.
It was what people had always done once they heard about the fire. They wanted to ask him for more and more details, and then they tried to fix him.
Cassian did not want to be fixed, only left alone, and he had told himself that was why he wanted Adelaide to stay out of it, but he was starting to realize that he was wrong.
