I admit that I am a different man when I indulge, and that is a flaw that I must mend. Hence, I would like to put all of this to rest with you, so that we might both engage with society in a more respectable manner.
As gentlemen, we know that matters of the heart can get in the way far more than we might like to admit, but you are a sensible man. We can handle this with dignity, I am certain of it. I look forward to seeing you, and it is my hope that we can put aside our differences for your wife’s sake.
Sincerely,
Mr. Edmund Hargrave.
Her fingers trembled as she held the letter. It sounded polite, but that was not what worried her. What caused her great concern was where he had been that day.
“So, perhaps I was not in the best mood upon my return,” he acknowledged. “I apologize for that. The changes you have made are lovely.”
“Hargrave put you in a bad mood,” she muttered. “Is that to say that it did not go well?”
“On the contrary. Since you mentioned that he would have taken offense to what I said, I thought it best to appease him. I have apologized for my actions and made it clear that I only did it to protect you. He has accepted that. So, he should not provoke you again, and I will not need to be involved.”
“Then why were you unhappy?”
“Because he is infuriating.” He gave a small smile. “I suppose you have seen that ridiculous clock of his?”
“The one in the drawing room? It was his great-great-grandfather’s, if I recall correctly.”
“Precisely that. And do you know how I know? Because he told me four times.Four. Truly, Adelaide, I do not know why you ever thought he would make a good suitor.” He laughed.
Adelaide knew he was not trying to be unkind, but the memory of her engagement to Hargrave made her heart ache. She wished that she had never met the man, for he had caused her so much misery that she believed it would never be undone. But it was a choice that she had allowed to be made, and therefore she had to accept it.
Cassian stopped laughing when he saw her expression. “I did not mean to cause offense.”
“I know,” she replied, laughing sadly. “You see, I never really chose him. I was liked well enough, but no gentleman showed a genuine interest in me. Fortunately—or at least I saw it that way at the time—my father had made an arrangement when I was a child. The agreement was that I would marry Hargrave when I came of age, should he want me as his wife.”
“I see. I did not know that.”
“Nobody does, except myself and Hargrave. My mother, too, of course, but she would never admit it. I thought it would make everything simple, for I knew he was a respected man, but… he would probably make a different lady very happy, but not me. He does not interest me.”
“Why not? Aside from your history, of course.”
“You have met him,” she pointed out with a wry smile. “All he seems capable of is talking about himself and his accomplishments. He does not do anything particularly interesting, yet he speaks only of what he does. I do not find itat all interesting, and I knew from our second outing that he was not the man I wanted to marry.”
“So you were in a courtship with him for a year.”
“Did he tell you that?”
“He told me rather a lot, but since I do not believe a word of it, I shall spare you the details.”
“Well, the courtship part is true. I let it continue for a year, for I did not know how to end it. My mother wanted stability for me, and it was my father’s wish that I marry him. I could not change my mind when I considered that. At least, until we got engaged. I do not know what happened, but something inside of me protested it all.”
“And you could not go through with it. Is that right?”
“Precisely. So, in a way, you are fundamentally better than him. I did not feel the same dread at the thought of marrying you.”
He chuckled, moving to a seat closer to her.
They were sitting beside one another, and he was studying her intently. It was in such moments that Adelaide wondered if he might like her more than he was leading her to believe, but she knew the truth. She was a mere convenience to him, and she had to consider him as the same.
“Do I not frighten you?” he asked.
“Do you want to?”
“No, and I never will. I never plan to hurt anyone, yet the ton seems to think I want them all dead.”
