‘That’s cool,’ she murmurs, a lot less impressed than I thought she would be. I guess she hears this all the time. Maddeningly, she doesn’t ask me anything about it.
‘So how long have you lived here with Naomi?’ she says at last, stirring her tea with tiny circles.
‘Wow, almost three months, I think?’ How can I have been here so long? ‘It’s just for now. I just wanted a change of scene from living in London. I’ve found it can help with creativity, just changing up the backdrop.’ I say it so naturally that I’ve almost convinced myself it’s true. ‘How about you? Do you live nearby?’ My throat starts to itch with the sheer effort of seeming casual.
‘Oh, I’ve a place across town. Just a small place. It’s only a tiny bit bigger than what I had in Ranelagh, but theshower is at least operational this time,’ she offers with a warm smile.
Does she know I am wrestling with various thoughts all at once? Can she see it in my face? That I want her living with her perfectly working shower in darkest, wildest Antarctica, but, equally, that I also want to be one of her very best and closest friends?
‘And who do you live there with?’ I ask.
This one question appears to set her on edge and, as she stiffens, I realize I’ve come in too strong. ‘Just… by myself,’ she says. If she recognizes me from Twitter as the person who described her as having a face like a dropped pavlova, she certainly doesn’t let on. Although why would she? I reason. My profile photo is two cute cartoon elephants.
The front door opens, and with it there’s a break in the atmosphere. I haven’t seen Naomi for a couple of days– she has been staying at Stevie’s, her ardour in no way dampened by anything I’ve had to say about him. Naomi does a theatrical recoil when she sees Alice in her living room, smiling sweetly up at her. ‘Oh my God, she’s even more beautiful in real life, it’s just not fair, right?’ Naomi exclaims, smiling over at me.
The two women move together for an embrace, leaving me to realize that this might just be the first time they’ve met in person. I wonder exactly how long Alice has been seeing Ted. I also remember that warmth from Naomi when we first met in that wine bar.
‘Thank you so much for allowing me to come meet you,’ Alice says, tearing up a little. ‘It’s just been, you know… a lot to deal with.’
Naomi gives her a matriarchal pat. ‘Oh, honey, don’t I know it,’ she tells her. ‘I know the drill well, believe me.’I try not to move a muscle, to blend into the wall. Don’t make me leave, guys, not now.
Unfortunately, I am noticed, and Alice puts a momentary halt on her crying, throwing an eye in my direction. Naomi notices this, and in one smooth move she picks up her car keys. ‘I think what this afternoon needs is a dark bar and an open tab,’ she tells Alice, who nods gratefully. I wait for an invite that doesn’t come.
‘Really great to meet you,’ Alice says as she exits the house in a graceful sweep, with Naomi right behind her.
I spend the afternoon looking for pictures of Alice, trying to square the 2D beauty online with the breathing, living person in the kitchen earlier.
When Naomi arrives home alone later, I have worked myself into a dreadfully sour state. I am slamming drawers in the living room and flinging the remote control, waiting for her to notice that I’m a bit colder with her than usual.
‘Are you pissed at me?’ she eventually asks, incredulous.
‘You probably shouldn’t have gone out for a drink with the car,’ I tell her.
‘Honey, I parked over at Spadina, what of it?’ she says. She appears irritated at being taken to task over this.
‘I could have driven you over! At the very least, I probably could have used a drink too.’ I find myself pouting.
This is all a bit new to Naomi, who has only ever seen the accommodating, amiable side to me.
‘Well, we could have one now,’ she says, heading uncertainly for the fridge.
The last thing I want to do is to have yet another boozy night with her, full of tears, snot and her vomiting up her feelings. I want to stew in my own shitty feelings for a bit.
‘Your friend is really pretty,’ I say quietly.
‘Alice?’ She chuckles. ‘She’s not really a friend as such… She dates my step-brother.’
FINALLY. Some actual concrete detail. I feel my phone buzzing in my jeans.
‘Oh, that’s nice. How long have they been together?’ The other questions bouncing around in my mind will just have to wait their damn turn. So will my phone, which seems to have taken on a life of its own against my thigh.
‘A while, I guess. He can be a bit difficult when it comes to dating. She just wanted some advice on how to steer him a little, you know?’
‘How do you mean?’ I almost whisper it, trying to sound noncommittal. I’m afraid it will seem too intrusive.
‘She’s way too good for him,’ Naomi says, almost to herself. ‘And he can besuchan asshole.’
She moves across the room to pick up her glasses and paperback, which I read as a sign that she is retiring for the night.Please stay,I want to shout out.Now that you’re finally talking about Alice, give me more. Tell me what I came here to find out. Don’t leave me now.
