The ‘friend’s place’ turns out to be a rooftop garden, laid out like a real tiki bar. The effect is thrillingly transportive. There are garlands and fake palm trees and coloured lanterns everywhere, while glasses of punch are being liberally doled out in ceramic tiki mugs. People are sitting on milk crates, and yet it is almost unbearably beautiful, like something styled for a magazine except it just happens to be someone’s regular gaff. It’s Dalston, without the too-self-aware Dalston baggage. How do people ever become this effortlessly good at life? What is their secret? Where are the classes?
Jodie’s friends are even more trendy than she is, making me feel slightly self-conscious in my leopard-print wiggle dress. Every which way I look, there are trucker caps, aviator sunnies, Marc Jacobs shoes with ankle socks, tattoos. Though it all feels laid-back and collegiate, I feel that I’m shrinking into myself a little. I’m weirded out to find that I’m missing Johnny. A tiny part of me would love him to be here, would love us to be seeing this together.But I like my new life, I keep telling myself.
Jodie is wearing the sort of polyester dress that little old ladies in the seventies used to wear. It clings to her in all the right, youthful places. I covet it with an almost physical longing and will myself not to ask her where I can get one too.
‘Here, come meet Elliott,’ she says, pulling me by the armand leading me to a guy with a Suicidal Tendencies T-shirt and cardigan. His eyes are warm and brown, and as they hold on me for a second, I feel a quick throb of something approaching interest. It’s followed by a flash of shame as I think momentarily of Ted.
‘Esther’s a writer from London,’ I hear Jodie telling him.
‘Cool,’ he says. ‘I’m an urban beekeeper.’
I react uncertainly, until he adds: ‘I’m kidding. I work in education.’
‘Not just education, an adjunct professor,’ Jodie chimes in, leaning in and smiling. Is she trying to set us up?
‘Sarcasm,’ I say to him. ‘I didn’t actually think you guys had that here.’
This makes him laugh.
‘What are you writing about?’
‘There’s a question,’ I admit. ‘I’m really not sure what I’m doing yet.’
‘You’ll get there,’ he says, nodding in such a casually encouraging way that I briefly wonder what it must be like to have this guy’s upbeat energy in your corner all the time. You’d get some amount of stuff done, that’s for sure.
‘Esther is also here because she followed aguy,’ Jodie sing-songs. ‘That I still don’t know anything about.’ Elliott nods, and I’m trying to read if this particular revelation is good or bad news to him. I can’t tell either way.
‘Well, it’s a bit complicated,’ I reiterate. I don’t really want to get into the Ted thing. I’m sure it would sound crazy if I were to say it out loud.
‘Yeah, you keep saying that,’ Jodie laughs. Pointing to the tiki cup, she adds, ‘I’m gonna get a few more of those inside you and then we’ll get you to talk.’
Suddenly I feel tired. I’ve told so many lies I can barelykeep the real version of my life straight in my head. Something in me wants to tell them all that I’m a blank slate in my new life. I’m ready to take anything this city has to offer.
On the streetcar home from the party, I read a box-fresh article about Ted.
Goss Weekly, June 2012
Ted Levy ordered to shape up for new movie role
Cuddly actor Ted Levy has reportedly been hitting the gym hard in a bid to get trim for his latest movie role. After hiring a personal trainer, a friend of Levy’s tells us that he is also embracing the Sirtfood Diet, which cuts out processed foods, sugar and full-fat diary and encourages its followers to drink green tea and eat, among other polyphenol-rich foods, parsley, turmeric and kale.
‘Ted hasn’t really cared too much about his physical appearance until now,’ the friend says. ‘He is moving in different, starrier circles, and this has made him have a rethink. But he is now finding himself in the public eye more than ever, and with that comes a certain amount of attention. The diet is definitely for the demands of his next movie role, and he wants to build muscle quickly, but he is also definitely feeling self-conscious about his body image. Having a model girlfriend has probably put things in perspective, too.’
A rep for Levy tellsGoss Weekly: ‘Ted has made a number of minor lifestyle changes because he is prioritizing his health. No more, no less.’
As predicted, some of the Tedettes are going a bit berserk about it all.
‘Our boy is changing, a lot. Too much,’ writes Violet on the group’s Facebook wall. ‘Never thought I’d see the day he would hire a personal trainer.’
‘Like WHO even IS he any more?’ This from Maxi.
‘This is outrageous,’ notes Layla. ‘Don’t tell me for one second this isn’t Alice Andre’s doing.’
‘If AA wants a Hollywood hottie, she should LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE and go get one. She could have anyone. Why is she doing this to him?’ Juliet is properly seething.
Molly, meanwhile, has pulled together a picture of a shirtless male model with a six pack, and superimposed Ted’s head on to it. The effect is unsettling, to say the least. ‘Ted ready for the beach,’ she captions it.
‘A DIET. Green tea. Insanity,’ adds Maxi.
