Cullen shook the man, like a terrier with a rat. ‘There’s a lot of blood. You are nearer your end than you think. Best to balance the ledger before you go before God. Tell me who sent you?’ shouted Cullen.
The man’s head lolled sideways, face chalk-white as all the life drained out of him. His pale eyes fixed on Lowri, and with his last breath, he said, ‘So bonnie, she is. I would have hated handing her over to him.’
‘Who?’ cried Cullen.
‘Your brother, Allard.’
Chapter Thirty
The ship ploughed the waves at breakneck speed, heading towards the grey shoreline of Scotland. A few weeks ago, Lowri would have been overjoyed at the sight, impatient to rush home to Fellscarp and throw herself into Peyton’s arms. But now, she hoped that they would never arrive, that Cullen would relent and turn back for Ireland and safety.
He stood at the prow, eyes fixed on shore, back stiff with anger. His face held the steely resolve of one who would not be turned from his purpose. Days had passed, as they waited for passage to Scotland, but Cullen’s rage had not abated. No matter how much Lowri had pleaded with him to stop and think, he had made up his mind to return to Scarcross and end his brother, Allard, once and for all.
Lowri approached and laid a hand on his back, and he turned and smiled at her, but that smile quickly faded when she said, ‘There is still a chance to turn back, Cullen. You don’t know what awaits you at Scarcross. You could be rushing into a trap.’
He grimaced. ‘Aye, but better that than sit and wait for Allard to finish me off. Something must have happened for him to chance his hand like this. He never had much of a backbone.’ Cullen shook his head. ‘Whatever has made him put a knife to our throats, I will kill him for it. I will drag my brother out by his scruff and slaughter him like a dog before all of Clan Macaulay.’
‘Cullen, please.’
He rounded on her, his face wild. ‘He wants to kill me, Lowri, and God knows what his plans are for you. That bastard has to die. There is no reconciling after this. I will beat him to a pulp, with my bare hands, if I have to.’
There had been many rants since then as to how painfully Cullen intended to dispatch his loathsome brother. Shoot him, gut him, string him up. It was his way of venting uncontrollable anger. Lowri understood that, but Cullen’s outrage would not calm. There was one way to stop him. If she told him about the bairn she carried in her belly, he might turn back. She had not been sure at first, but now she was. The bairn was inside her. It was a part of her, and she already loved it.
Then Cullen said, ‘I have to do it, or we will never be safe. He will send another assassin, then another. And we only just survived the last attack. Death stalks us, Lowri, and it must be faced down.
‘Oh, Cullen, are we cursed, do you think?’
‘Why would we be cursed, lass?’
‘For our past sins. I have many.’
Cullen brushed his thumb down her cheek. ‘And what might they be?’
‘Defying my brother, running from the nuns at the convent when they only tried to keep me godly. I reived all over the West March, and led my friends into danger.’
‘Donnan and Rory weren’t your friends.’
‘Rory was true to me. He was young and knew nothing of the plot with your father. And there is more that I’m ashamed of.’
‘What?’
‘Black Eaden.’
Cullen narrowed his eyes, and his grip stiffened on her arms. ‘What of him?’ he said quietly.
Lowri took a deep breath. There was no point in hiding it. She would eventually have to drag her shame out into the open. ‘I let him take liberties, Cullen. I was but sixteen, and knew nothing of men’s desires, but I knew what I was doing when I encouraged him. He touched me where he should not. He took me into the woods one day and kissed me, and I…’
‘It doesn’t matter now.’
‘But it does. I was unchaste, wanton and a complete fool. I thought I loved him, and so I gave a part of myself away. But it was not love. Nothing like it. It was sordid and humiliating. It was not like it is with you.’
‘What are you saying, Lowri?’
‘I know what love is now, Cullen. That is why I don’t want you to throw your life away in anger. I can’t bear to lose you.’
His face hardened. ‘Allard must die. I’ll not be persuaded otherwise.’ His words were so final, so bleak, that Lowri took a deep breath and blurted out the truth.
‘You cannot risk your life. We need you, Cullen.’
