Afterwards, he lay on her, trying to contain a raging tangle of anger, bitterness and regret. Finally, he said, ‘There. It is done. Now I suppose I am a bastard in more ways than one. But I have kept my word, and you have kept yours, much good it will do either of us.’
Then he rolled off Lowri and turned his back. He thought he heard a sob, so he turned and reached out a hand. It met her cheek, and it was wet. ‘What the devil is the matter?’ He shook Lowri by the shoulder. ‘You are not crying, are you? I tried not to hurt you, and you should have told me you were a virgin.’
‘I’m not crying about that.’
‘What then?’
‘I’m a wretched thing. My brother told me not to seek revenge on your father, and I ignored him, as always. I have only ever caused strife to those I care about.’
‘Aye, well, so have I, but ‘tis done now and no changing it. We are stuck together, as miserable a husband and wife as could be.’ A stab of remorse made him say, ‘Do you want me to hold you?’
‘No!’ she cried.
Why did he even ask?
Silence fell, then, ‘I had no girlish notions about love and happiness in marriage, but I never expected my wedding night to be like this.’
‘I never expected to have a wedding night, nor did I want one. And you must endure and make do with a disappointing husband. Nothing else for it.’
She went quiet again.
‘I would have been kinder, lass, if you’d told me it was your first time. I thought, with Black Eaden, that…’
‘I don’t care what you thought,’ she snapped.
Cullen lay seething. He should have known any return to Scarcross would end in agony of some kind. And this time the pain was worse than anything. Because his father had twisted his conscience to force him into marriage to a lass he might come to desire. How could he not want her? The lass was bonnier than he’d had in a while, and his body had craved her while his mind hated her. But Lowri despised him. Every look, every word from her was filled with hatred and disgust. And the blood running in her veins was that of an enemy. That stain could never be washed out by marriage or wishing it away.
That was his father’s real torture here – to hang something sweet, soft and delicious just out of reach, tempting him to take one poisonous bite. And all because he had a conscience, damn it to hell.
Chapter Eight
Lowri woke to a grey dawn and a musky, whisky smell. She tore open her eyes and froze. Cullen’s arms were around her. His chest was up against her face, revealing a smooth expanse of flesh where his shirt gaped. Her hands were pressed to his hard belly, and he gave off heat like a forge. Worst of all, what was between his legs was pressed to her thigh.
As far as she could tell, he had not touched her further in the night. He had inflicted that indignity on her only once, and it had been mortifying – a good deal of fumbling and groaning, and then a sharp pain, just like the sting of a bee. She’d suffered worse injuries, so why did she want to cry when he had realised she was a virgin and stopped with his manhood still inside her?
When she had urged him on, Cullen had cursed and pushed further inside her body, making her flinch, and when he had finished, he mumbled something about being a bastard and keeping his word.
Why did she have to bait him last night? Had her guilt over Donnan and Rory made her do it? Was it the whisky, for she was not accustomed to it, not that Cullen needed to know that. Maybe she hated herself so much for letting Peyton down that she had done it to punish herself.
Whatever the reason for her foolishness, and that bit of awful groping and thrusting between her and Cullen, Lowri had lost her virginity in a rush of anger and self-loathing. Her face burned at the memory. Afterwards, she had no idea what to do, so she had just lain there, sticky between the legs, her faceburning, Cullen unmoving beside her. But she did not think he had been asleep.
Now he was practically on top of her. She had to get away. Lowri bit her lip, took hold of his shirt between her thumb and forefinger, and used it to gently lift his arm off her. She slid her other hand off his chest and down onto the mattress to slowly push herself away.
Cullen’s hand shot out and grabbed her wrist. ‘If you are trying to seduce me, lass, then I must tell you, I am not in the mood just now.’
Lowri tore herself free and leapt out of bed. The thud of her heart against her ribs made her feel sick. ‘Why were you lying on me? What did you do?’
‘I fell asleep.’ He sat up and regarded her bleary-eyed. ‘What did you do? He patted himself down. ‘Did you molest me in the night?’
‘Absolutely not!’
‘That’s good. God, my head throbs as if all the hammers in Hell beat down on it.’
‘Serves you right.’
‘Aye, it does. Now, you may as well come back to bed, lass. ‘Tis a cold morning, and I’ve no haste to rise just yet.’ He smiled. ‘Well, not in that way anyway, so you are quite safe.’
‘No. You must take me to your father and tell him we have consummated the marriage.’
