‘It is for me. I am to be married off so that I do not vex Jasper or my mother any more. Everyone says it is a good match, but I cannot bear it.’
‘This is none of my business. You should talk to Jasper.’ Rowenna tried to free her arm, but Maeve’s grip was surprisingly tight.
‘How do you endure lying with a man you do not want? I am dreading it, you see, for Carstairs is loutish. He disgusts me.’
‘If he cares for you, then I am sure you can find happiness. And the act itself is not so bad. It can be nice.’
‘I know that,’ she snapped. ‘But I do not desire Alec in any way and that is what I cannot stand. Rowenna, last time Carstairs came, when we were alone for a moment, he put his hand down my bodice and pinched my breast and laughed.’
‘That is wrong, and you should tell your mother about his lechery.’
‘My mother! She does not care. She and my father despised each other, and that is all she knows of marriage. There was not one jot of affection in their union.’ Maeve’s fingernails dug into Rowenna’s arm. ‘Can you keep a secret? You look like the type who can.’
Rowenna was not sure if that was a compliment or not. ‘I do not want your secrets, Maeve,’ she said, pulling free, for she had enough secrets of her own to contend with.
Maeve was not deterred. ‘There was a groom at my aunt’s. He was so handsome and kind. He was soft on me, and I liked him, so I let him take liberties.’
‘But surely, you knew there could be no future in it,’ said Rowenna.
‘Of course. I’m not that much of a fool. He was just a diversion. He is poor as dirt, and the dullard cannot even read. Mother found out and had the skin whipped off his back.’
Rowenna could not think of what to say in the face of such selfish disregard for the welfare of others.
‘So you see, Rowenna, now that I know what it is to burn under a man’s touch, the thought of lying with Alec disgusts me.’
‘You must put it behind you.’
‘I cannot, for I fear Alec will find out.’
‘I am sure your mother can keep her counsel on your indiscretion.’
‘No. What I mean is, on our wedding night, when we consummate the marriage. He won’t know that I have let another man…you know?’
‘Oh, God. Did you lie with this man fully, Maeve?’
‘No, of course not,’ she said lightly. ‘But I think I might not be a virgin any longer because of what he did with his hands.’
Rowenna had no intention of asking exactly what the lad had done with his hands. ‘I am sure you are still a virgin, Maeve. If you were not, believe me, you would know it. That is all I can tell you.’
Maeve let go of her arm. ‘Thank you, Rowenna. It is bad enough marrying someone you don’t want, let alone him finding out that you are not chaste.’
‘I am sure that Carstairs would forgive you if he truly loves you.’
‘Don’t be too sure about that. No man can forgive a wound to his pride and his manhood. I may be a virgin, but even I know that much, and so should you, Rowenna.’
Maeve hurried away, and Rowenna was left with the awful feeling that the ground was shifting beneath her feet. She had wounded Jasper’s pride by lying with him to get Bran out of his imprisonment. What if he still secretly resented her treachery? And what if Jasper did not believe her when she said she had enjoyed his bed all those times they had lain together? It did not matter that they had shared their bodies and secrets just a few hours since. She was still at odds with her husband.
And she had not told him everything, especially that Sir Henry had manhandled her. God forbid Jasper should rush off in a fit of rage to protect her honour and kill the Warden.
And worst of all, Jasper had said he would not lie with her again unless she begged him to? Did he mean it? Rowenna nursed a vague feeling of rejection, for she craved his touch and ached to have him again. It was all too vexing, and now she had to face her loathsome brother.
***
Jasper strode into Kransmuir in a state of unease. He had his wife back, but whether she would stay was another matter. Did he blurt out words of love because he meant them or because they were a means of getting his own way? He preferred the latter, but he did not know his heart anymore. Anything else was weakness, and as if to confirm it, Criedne appeared.
‘Back, are you? Did you drag the lass back as well?’
‘What business is it of yours?’
