‘And I thought you might be a decent man, one I could care about. And I am not the liar here. You are. I am not ashamed of lying with you. I did it because I wanted you, because I…’
‘Because you what?’ Jasper hung on to her next words, pathetic and craven, like a cur showing its belly.
‘It does not matter now. You do not deserve my affection, Jasper, and you never have.’
‘And I feel the same about you, Rowenna.’
‘So, we are equals, at last.’
She rushed to the door but fumbled to unlock it.
‘Where are you going, bonnie?’
‘As far away from you as possible.’
Jasper leapt out of bed and took hold of her. In all her anger, eyes flashing, he longed to kiss her. Would it wash the bitterness out of his heart or melt the anger from her face? Could he kiss Rowenna until she felt for him what he had begun to feel for her?
Instead, he turned the key and opened the door wide. ‘Leave my sight. I cannot bear to look at you,’ he said.
***
Rowenna sought sanctuary in the nursery, only to find Osla cooing over her lad. He was slurping on her breast, and Caitrin was in her cot. Rowenna took hold of Jasper’s bairn.
‘Be careful. I just put her down for a sleep,’ whispered Osla.
‘Can I take her for a while and get some air?’
‘Aye, be good to have one off my hands, for I am worn out,’ said the woman. ‘Seems you are tired too. There’s dark circles under those bonnie eyes, and we all know who has put them there,’ she chuckled. ‘It is our lusty laird who can’t keep hishands off you. You will have a bairn of your own to cradle soon enough.’
‘Don’t be too sure,’ mumbled Rowenna, cradling the bairn against her neck and rushing out. It was unbearable. Even Osla thought her a whore.
Burning with shame, Rowenna made her way out onto the battlements. She had taken refuge up there many times when she felt it might be best just to throw herself off. But her life had become more bearable, and now she sought a spot that was out of the wind where the sun hit, and she stood against the stone as dusk cast its glow. The sun was gold like Jasper’s hair, the sky deep blue, like his eyes. But those eyes had been so cold when they looked upon her.
What was she to do? She was caught fast, not by Jasper’s power over her, but by her affection for him. There, she had acknowledged it. Even amid his cruelty and her anger, it was an inescapable fact. She held his precious daughter in her arms. She had begun to imagine a life with Jasper and children of her own - an escape from struggle and loneliness with the love of a good man. What folly to think she could be his helpmate, loyal companion and passionate lover. She could no more hold Jasper Glendenning than she could hold the wind.
A footstep made her turn in alarm.
‘What are you doing up here with my granddaughter? Give her to me at once.’
Joan Glendenning held out her arms, and the hateful Glenna stood beside her. Rowenna was so shocked to see them that she did as she was told and handed Caitrin over.
‘Did you wish her harm? Were you going to throw her over the edge?’ sneered Glenna.
‘Of course not. Why would I do that?’
‘You are a savage. That is why.’ Joan glowered. ‘Never come near her again, do you hear me?’
‘Jasper said I could spend time with her.’ Would he want her to now? Perhaps all that had changed. He had not told her that his mother and sisters were coming back to torment her. Was this a punishment? With Joan’s hostile stare and Glenna’s casual cruelty, it certainly felt like it.
‘She should not be alone with the little one,’ said Glenna.
‘Your brother allows me to tend the bairn,’ said Rowenna.
‘He has a wet nurse for that.’
‘Aye, but he encouraged me to do it, for the bairn needs a mother.’
‘I am mother enough,’ said Joan. ‘Caitrin does not need your influence, and you should be labouring to get your own child, not daydreaming your life away up here.’
