‘But she was English in a castle full of strangers,’ said Rowenna. ‘She must have been lonely.’
‘I made sure she was not. I took my duties as a husband most vigorously.’
‘Because you wanted an heir.’
‘Because she was beautiful, and I wanted her, at first. And aye, a man wants an heir to carry on his name to ensure he has a future.’
‘Jasper, did you ever love her?’
‘No more than she loved me, which was not a lot.’ He gave a bitter laugh. ‘Now I think about it, I doubt Isobel even likedme much. My marriage had been one of convenience, a matter of amassing wealth, getting an heir and above all, giving vent to spite.’
‘Spite? Why would one marry for spite?’
‘Isobel burned with humiliation. She had been spurned by Seaton Bannerman when he had broken their betrothal.’
‘So that he could wed Brenna Curwen.’ The perfect Brenna with whom she could not compete.
Jasper seemed to stiffen against her. ‘Aye, Brenna was his true love. The man almost threw everything away to be with her.’
‘And you stood in the way. He injured your pride to get what he wanted.’
Jasper’s jaw worked, and so Rowenna held her breath.
‘Aye. I had everything he did not, and yet she chose him. Seaton persuaded her to leave me at the altar like a fool, humiliated before all my clansmen. That still burns a little.’
‘I am sorry, Jasper.’
‘No. Do not pity me. I would have done the same to Seaton. But it was the death of our friendship. Now that I have laid bare my humiliation, do you think less of me?’
‘Not at all.’
He stroked her hair. ‘You might not think so well of my next folly, marrying Isobel. I have had a long time to ponder my hasty and loveless union to an English woman and to see the error of my ways.’
Rowenna frowned. ‘Some might say you made a wise choice to marry for riches.’
‘I thought eschewing affection in a marriage would bring me peace from the torment of unrequited love, but Rowenna, I still ached for affection, acceptance, the warmth of a willing woman under me. Isobel made it plain that she suffered, rather than enjoyed, my attentions. When I had done my duty and gotten her with child, she barred me from her bed, and I happily complied. I could never care for her and would never offer my bruised heart again.’
‘And will you ever care for me?’ she said, dreading his answer.
‘Do you want me to?’ His gaze was so intense that Rowenna had to look away.
‘Let us not lie to each other like two fools, lass.’
The silence between them was suddenly deafening, and the ache in her chest was unexpected. ‘When your wife died, did you find comfort elsewhere?’ she said, determined to flay herself with jealousy.
‘A man like me? Of course, but I had to make do with hurried couplings, bought women, who pressed themselves against me in a pretence of love.’
He might just as well be describing her, save for one thing – she had liked his lovemaking. Rowenna’s eyes welled with tears at his loneliness, but she blinked them away. Why was he baring his soul to her? She did not want to think of him hurt and lying alone with no one to comfort and hold him.
Jasper sighed, and she laid her head on his shoulder.
‘Rowenna, you will come to understand that once you have known the sweet madness of infatuation, any pretend kind of love is humiliating. It is like having to make do with bread when you crave meat. After the cold rejection of women, I slowly felt my heart harden. I began to feel hollow, as if all the warmth andhope had been scooped out of my insides, leaving nothing but restlessness and an angry sort of lust.’
Rowenna rolled on top of him, surprised at her own boldness, and kissed him thoroughly, over and over.
Jasper broke away. ‘So soon, my love?’ he said, his manhood stiff again, pressing on her soft parts.
‘Aye.’ She squirmed against it. ‘You seem ready. Does that mean I am meat and not bread?’
