‘If you stay, we will be handfasted. You will be my wife, share my bed and bring my children into this world. If you cannot bear that fate, speak now, or it will be done.’
Rowenna stared up at him, her eyes full of fear and indecision. He could not let her go, and he could not make her stay.
‘Trust me, Rowenna.’
She nodded. ‘I do not trust you, Jasper, but I will stay because I must.’
Even when she did his bidding, she jabbed at his pride. It spurred his temper. ‘I am glad to hear it. But trust in this, lass.’ He glanced over at MacCreadie. ‘You will never have the same power over me as you had over him. I’ll be no begging fool.’
Chapter Thirteen
Rowenna paced in her chamber, shivering. The roaring fire did nothing to warm her or to turn her mind from the stark reality that she had made a deal with the Devil. A sleepless night had given way to a brittle, frosty morning, and when she peered out of the window, Kransmuir’s dark walls were coated in white, almost purifying the place. But she would not be pure after today. She was to be hand-fasted, as good as wed, and Jasper Glendenning was intent on putting a bairn in her belly.
After she had made her terrible choice, Morgan had departed with bitter words.
‘I would have given you the world, Rowenna, treated you kindly. But if this is your choice, then so be it. You have made your bed of nettles with this fiend, so now you must lie in it. Enjoy your rise in the world, but I will not see you again. You are dead to me.’
It was mortifying to think about. It made her angry, too. Morgan had never asked what she wanted. He had just gone behind her back and asked her father instead. Well, he was as dead to her as she was to him. At least Jasper had given her some kind of choice. That was surprising, but it didn’t make her trust him.
If only she had someone to tell her how to behave and how to place herself when Jasper took her to his bed. She was alone in a castle full of strangers, marrying a man as cold as the frost outside her window. He would put his hands all over her, strip her naked and force his manhood inside her. And if she did notallow him to have his way, then the marriage would not stand, and she would be ruined for nothing.
But if she could bear to let Jasper have her, she would be safe, protected, and live in a fine home. She smoothed down the blue plaid dress he had left for her. It was simple but clean, and the fabric was soft with an expensive feel, unlike the scratchy, poor stuff she had to make do with at Fallstairs.
Aye, Jasper had power and money, things she could use to find Cecily if she learned how to manage him. The very thought of her sister made her want to cry. Dreaming of their wedding days in their youth, Cecily had once said, ‘When you are to be wed, I will find a fine dress and make your hair up the way you like it. I will find the prettiest flowers for a garland. Your groom will be breathless with love for you.’
Well, her groom didn’t love her, and the frost had killed all the flowers in their buds, but this was her wedding day, and she would see it through. She was a MacCreadie, and they were nothing if not survivors. No matter how helpless her predicament, no man was going to force or hurt her. Rowenna placed her dirk under the pillow. If there was no one else to rely on, she must rely on herself.
Seeking comfort and with no idea when Jasper would come for her, she hurried to find Osla and Caitrin. They were huddled before the hearth, and Osla smiled when Rowenna rushed in.
‘Come and warm your bones. You are as white as snow.’ As soon as Rowenna was seated, she handed over the bairn. ‘I was hoping you would come, lass. I was afraid I had frightened you away the other day. My tongue does run on so. You look very bonnie, by the way, all dressed up for his pleasure.’
Rowenna sucked in the smell of Caitrin’s soft head. It calmed her fluttering heart a little. It was nice to talk to someone, evenif Osla was a little strange and spoke out of turn. Rowenna suspected she was lonely at Kransmuir.
Osla looked at Rowenna steadily and said, ‘I hear that you will be joined this day with the mighty Jasper Glendenning. What an honour for one such as you.’
Osla’s casual insolence bounced off Rowenna as she stared down into the face of Jasper’s daughter. ‘It does not feel like an honour,’ she said, but if she was seeking reassurance from Osla, she would not get it.
‘No. You’ll be fearful, I suppose, lass. Best just to lie there and let him do as he will. That way, the ordeal will be over sooner.’
‘Ordeal?’
‘Oh, aye, it can be. Depends on the man. It always hurts the first time, though, and he is a big beast. I’d not relish taking his manhood into me, but you will just have to bear it.’
Caitrin wriggled as Rowenna’s body tensed. Suddenly her eyes opened. Blue eyes. Beautiful eyes, fringed with gold lashes. His eyes. The bairn’s gaze locked with hers, drawing her in, and Rowenna’s vision swam. She felt a rush of affection mingled with hope as if the future reached out a hand and squeezed her heart.
Osla patted her hand. ‘It will all be alright and all over with soon enough. I should call you ‘lady’ after your wedding. That is proper. Funny, how letting a man shame you can give you nobility and riches, isn’t it. ‘Tis but a whore’s work, however you look at it, and ‘tis no great achievement to open your legs.’
Rowenna could not look at her. She was frozen and mortified. Was she nothing but Jasper’s whore? How had her life blown so far off course?
Osla rattled on about her son, her village and her quarrelsome family for a while, and then silence fell between them. Rowenna handed back the bairn, wishing she had not come, dreading her wedding night more than ever.
***
Jasper was feverish with anticipation one moment and wracked with dread the next. The priest fidgeted and kept clearing his throat. Where was Rowenna? He had summoned her an age ago. He wanted this done. His family had protested bitterly at his quiet, private wedding, but he had forbidden a big clan gathering to celebrate it, having learned his lesson the first time.
‘If you must hide your nuptials in the shadows, it is because you have an unworthy bride. Repent of this folly before it is too late,’ said his mother.
At that point, something in Jasper had snapped. He had packed his mother and sisters into a carriage and despatched them to an aunt several miles away. But his mother was right. There was shame in it, but not because of Rowenna’s birth. The shame was all his. He was forcing an innocent lass into marriage because he wanted her. Yet he would not repent of it. He meant to have Rowenna, and if he was damned for it, then so be it.
