But ignoring everything else turns out to be a lot easier said than done when you have multiple cameras pointed inyour direction, studio lights glaring in your face, and the air is buzzing with the rising noise of a live studio audience.
Alfie sits stiffly on the other side of the presenter, his limbs tucked up awkwardly in the tiny yellow velvet chair that clearly wasn’t designed for a six-foot-something man. Tilly notices a sheen of perspiration on his forehead. A make-up artist dashes over to dab Tilly’s cheeks with powder. Alfie’s not the only one who’s sweating, then.
It feels somewhat ironic that after a career working with social media stars but doggedly refusing to use the platforms herself, Tilly has somehow become an overnight internet sensation. She couldn’t quite believe it when her phone started pinging with notifications and she’d received a message from Harper written entirely in capitals.
TILLY, DID YOU KNOW THAT AIMEE RAIN HAS SHARED YOUR LATEST VIDEO???!!!
Tilly had no idea that Aimee even followed her.
‘We’re just going to have a nice chat, OK?’ the presenter reiterates.
But despite the woman’s friendly demeanour, a knot of anxiety tightens in Tilly’s stomach. Maybe this whole thing was a very bad idea. She looks across at Alfie, catching his eye.
‘Are you all right?’ he mouths silently. His attention is fixed intently on her, his eyes locked on hers, everything else disappearing.
As she looks back at him, she knows with sudden certainty that if she were to say no, he would stand up and lead her off the set, ignoring the lights and the cameras and the consequences. If she said the word, he would take her home – just like he did when she was soaked through and exhausted from cycling for days and sleeping on a bed of rocks, turning up with tea and dry socks and a backpack full of food. Because it’sAlfie.
‘I’m OK,’ she mouths back, realizing that, actually, she is. And that she wants to do this. For Book Lane and for her year of books. And for him.
He gives her a nod and a little thumbs up, then a hush falls over the studio audience as the floor manager gives a signal.
‘Five seconds until we’re live, everyone. Five, four, three, two …’
As soon as the camera starts rolling, Alfie’s mind goes completely empty, his body flooded with adrenaline, sounds and sensations disappearing and leaving only numbness.
Where is he? And what on earth is he doing here?
And then he returns to his body, to the feel of the velvet chair beneath him, the smell of cleaning products and electrical cables, and the sound of the presenter’s voice saying enthusiastically, ‘So, I have to say, Matilda, I just love the videos you’ve been sharing on social media about your year of books. What a delightful idea. Can you tell us more about it?’
Alfie glances at Tilly, who appears to be much more at ease than him, her legs crossed in a relaxed manner and one elbow resting informally on the arm of her chair. Her hair has been styled in loose waves, and there’s a touch of coral on her lips that contrasts with the olive green of her knitted dress. She looksbeautiful.
‘Well, I lost my husband, Joe, a little over a year ago. Around six months after he died, on my birthday, I received a phone call from my local bookshop, from Alfie, saying that Joe had arranged a gift for me – a year of books. One book every month for twelve months.’
‘Wow, what a lovely gift. And you didn’t know anything about it before that call?’
Tilly shakes her head, her glossy hair shining in the studio lights.
‘That must have been quite a surprise!’
‘You could say that! I didn’t think I’d ever get to speak to him again, and here was this sudden gift, this connection to him. And through books, of all things. Yes, I know I’m a cliché – a Matilda who is obsessed with reading.’
Alfie looks out at the audience, noticing the way they are all captivated by her, not even looking at the presenter. A ripple of soft laughter spreads through the rows. They are enchanted. Of course they are.
‘And what kind of books did he give you – and how, would you say, have they impacted you?’
Tilly takes a beat, her head tilting, exposing a flash of pale neck.
Alfie swallows, tucking his hands under his thighs.
‘There have been all sorts of books. There was a cookbook, because I’ve always been a terrible cook and I think he was worried about me starving without him keeping me fed …’
Another soft ripple of laughter from the audience.
‘… a children’s book –Matilda– for my namesake, and to get me back into reading after I lost the love for it. There was a romance novel, a poetry book, a mix of fiction and non-fiction. As for how they’ve impacted me … Well, some of the influences have been quite drastic. Like the book that inspired me to rent an apartment in Paris for three weeks, or the book that got me back into running and even led me to run a half-marathon last month. I’ll admit I wasn’t so keen on the book about wild camping … But even the books I didn’t connect with immediately have changed me in subtle ways. They’ve made me braver. I feel like a different person because of the books Joe chose. I feel … stronger.’
An image flashes into Alfie’s mind of Joe Carter, sat on achair in the bookshop sipping from a beer bottle and telling Alfie about his idea for a gift for his wife, a gift he’d never get to see her open.I wish you could see her now, Alfie thinks as he looks at Tilly, smiling in front of the cameras and an audience of people, her scars there for everyone to see but sitting straight, her shoulders pushed back, her cheeks slightly flushed but her smile easy and bright.I wish you could see that she’s OK.
‘What a wonderful story,’ says the presenter. ‘And a brilliant reminder of how important books and bookshops can be. Which brings us on to our second guest.’
