Alfie laughs again, throwing his head back, and Tilly feels the sound vibrate through her entire body.
Is this what it feels like to feel … relaxed? It has been so long since Alfie took a day off that he almost doesn’t recognize the feeling as he walks along the South Bank, the river Thames flowing on one side and Tilly strolling on the other, swinging her arms and looking around animatedly as though they really are tourists.
‘Ooh, can we stop here a minute?’ she says as they spot tables overloaded with second-hand books, beneath a bridge.
It is cool and damp here, the air smelling of river and old books.
‘Do you even have to ask?’
They split up, Tilly heading for the classic novels and Alfie lingering at the travel books. He spots a tattered guide to Mexico, noting how well used the book looks, pages folded down and stained in places. Exactly how travel books should look – unlike the pristine ones in his collection at home.
‘You know, you could actually go to some of these places instead of just reading about them,’ says Tilly, appearing at his side.
‘You’re forgetting I run a bookshop …’
For a few hours he had even managed to forget about it too. But his anxieties come rushing back. He puts down the book and steps away from the stand.
‘You left Prudence and Blue in charge today.’
‘That’s just one day. I couldn’t go away for longer than that.’
‘Prudence and Blue seem pretty capable. Don’t you trust them?’
‘They are capable and I do trust them, that’s not the issue. It’s just I’m the one who is ultimately responsible. I don’t think I could switch off even if I did go away. The shop isalwayson my mind. What would be the point in travelling when, in my mind, I’d still be in the shop?’
‘I get that …’ says Tilly.
The path is busy with people out enjoying the autumn sunshine, wrapped up in coats and scarves against the cold breeze that rushes in from the river. They sidestep around a family with pushchairs and are nudged momentarily closer together.
‘… but it’s so much easier to stay in touch these days. You could go away and still check in with the shop from afar.’
‘Just drop it, OK?’ His eyes flash, his hands clenching in his pockets, but as soon as he sees her flinch he relaxes his fists, letting out a breath. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap.’
‘It’s OK. I know nothing about running a business. I shouldn’t have overstepped.’
‘It’s not that. I suppose it’s a fair question. It’s just …’ She’s looking at him so intently that the words for some reason spill out of him. ‘It’s exactly what Freya used to say, and I guess I just find it a bit … triggering.’
‘Freya?’
‘My ex,’ he replies, flashing her a quick glance. ‘We got together at uni. She was with me when I got the call from my mum about Dad.’
It was years ago but that day still feels so vivid in his mind. He knew as soon as he heard his mother’s voice wobble, then break, as she said his name on the phone that his life had changed forever.
‘I didn’t realize you were with someone at the time.’
Alfie nods.
They have reached the iconic brick building of the Oxo tower and he veers off from the path, heading for a pier that juts out over the river. Tilly follows until they are stood side by side at the very end of the jetty, Tilly hugging her coat tightly to her, wisps of ginger hair flying like ribbons in the wind. Below them people beachcomb on the rocky shore and boats cruise up and down the river.
‘What happened?’ Tilly asks.
‘One moment I was on the beach with Freya, about to go to a bar for cocktails, and the next I was in a taxi to the airport, madly trying to find myself a seat on the next plane to London.’
‘Freya didn’t come with you?’
Alfie stiffens. ‘No. She stayed. I thought it was just until she could arrange a reasonable flight back and cancel our arrangements for the next couple of months. She said she’d sort everything while I was gone and then join me.’
‘Please tell me she actually came … Your dad had justdied.’
