‘A novel,’ Rachel answers immediately. ‘Something that draws inspiration from my grandparents and how they met. They have the most amazing story.’
The change in Rachel’s demeanour is immediate. Her eyes light up and an energy radiates from her that Tilly has never seen before.
‘Then you should do it. If the past year has taught me anything, it’s that life is short.’
There’s a silence where Joe’s absence feels so huge that it threatens to overwhelm her. But it doesn’t. She breathes through the moment and it passes.
‘What wouldyoudo if you weren’t afraid, Tilly?’
The question catches her off guard. Since leaving her job she’s been keeping busy with other things – reading, resting and her regular visits to the bookshop. But now she thinks of everything she’s been putting off – the flat cluttered with the chaos of all Joe’s things, and all the unanswered questions about the future of her career. As good as it feels to finally take a break, she knows she can’t keep living like this, free from responsibilities or any sense of direction. She can’t put her life on pause forever.
‘I honestly don’t know,’ she replies. ‘But I want to try and find out.’
Book Lane Recommends
Books for when life feels like a mess
The Gifts of Imperfectionby Brené Brown
Outer Order, Inner Calmby Gretchen Rubin
The Art of Rest: How to Find Respite in the Modern Ageby Claudia Hammond
Weathering: How The Earth’s Deep Wisdom Can Help Us Endure Life’s Stormsby Ruth Allen
26
When spring gives way fully to summer Tilly is there in the front row to see it. She watches the colours along the canal path change from pale to vivid green on her morning runs, and sees the park filling with picnic blankets and stretched-out towels as she loops around the base of the hill, not quite brave enough to runupit yet. Parakeets gather in the trees, and the air smells like cut grass, hot tarmac and sunscreen-scented optimism.
But as Tilly approaches the bookshop on the first of June, it strikes her that the arrival of summer means something else too. It means she is nearly halfway through her year of books. Her visits on the first of the month have become like bookmarks, keeping her place in the year. But there will come a day soon when there are no books left to collect.
‘Tilly!’ says Alfie as she opens the door. ‘It’s good to see you. Let me get your book for you.’
As he turns away Tilly picks up a copy of a book about one writer’s travels through Japan which is propped up on the counter.
‘That’s our book club pick for June,’ says Blue from across the shop. ‘Well,Alfie’spick. We take it in turns. He always picks travel memoirs ornatural history. This one actually looks good, though.’
‘Meanwhileyoualways choose historical novels that are about a thousand pages long and no one ever actually finishes.’
Alfie holds Tilly’s parcel under his arm, this time wrappedin a green ribbon. Blue rests her elbows on the counter beside him, their bodies touching. Tilly is aware again of the easy intimacy between them.
‘I suppose that’s the good thing about a book club – it encourages you to read things you might not otherwise have picked up. Even if you don’t finish them.’
‘You should come along, Tilly!’ Blue suggests brightly.
Alfie glances at her, their eyes meeting.
‘Yes, you should. It’s a nice bunch of people. And there’ll be snacks.’
‘Well, if there aresnacks…’
Tilly buys a copy of the book and takes this month’s parcel from Alfie. She considers opening it then and there but the door opens and a group of tourists step inside, instantly filling the small shop. She slips the books into her satchel and waves goodbye to Alfie and Blue.
‘See you,’ says Alfie over the heads of the customers. ‘And … good luck.’
It’s only when Tilly steps outside that his words strike her as a strange thing to say.
When she opens the package, back at home, a slim paperback falls into her hands. She stares at the cover.
