‘I am. I’ve decided to take a chance on love.’ At this John meets Tilly’s eye and winks.
59
After more champagne, hugs and laughter, the Parisian contingent head off to their Airbnb. Prudence and Blue wish them a Happy Christmas and head off for home, leaving Tilly and Alfie alone in the quiet of the bookshop.
There’s so much Tilly wants to say, but now that they’re alone together, she feels hesitant and acutely aware of her hands. Not knowing what to do with them, she settles for placing her palms on the shop counter, to steady herself. The shop is still softly lit by camping lights and glowing fairy lights, despite the fact the electricity came back on a few hours ago.
‘I meant what I said earlier,’ Alfie says gently. ‘Thank you for all of this. Before you go, I have something for you.’
‘I have something for you too.’
She hands him two parcels, one hard and one soft. He passes her a single parcel, his gift small, weighty and rectangular.
‘Hmm, I wonder what this could be,’ Tilly says, turning it over in her hands. ‘A football?’
‘OK, so maybe it’s not the most original gift ever. But I hope you’ll like it.’
‘You open yours first,’ says Tilly, feeling suddenly nervous.
‘All right, thank you.’
He unwraps the soft parcel first, pulling out an olive-green hand-knitted jumper.
‘I hope it fits OK, I had to guess. And if you hate it, you don’t have to wear it …’
He is already pulling off the one he is wearing, his shirt lifting as he does and giving her a brief glimpse of skin that makes her cheeks grow hot. He pulls the jumper down over his broad shoulders.
‘I know how much your dad’s jumpers mean to you. But I thought maybe you should have some things that are yours too.’
‘Thank you,’ he says gruffly. ‘It’s perfect.’ He begins to tear the paper on the other parcel too.
She watches as he pulls out the large hardback book with the Lonely Planet logo at the top of a cover that shows a beautiful sunlit lake and two people leaping into the water, arms outstretched.
‘“You Only Live Once”,’ he reads aloud with a smile.
‘It’s full of suggestions for adventures, some big and some small,’ Tilly explains as he flicks through the pages, beautiful photos of beautiful places flashing past. ‘There are some that are far away but others that I thought you could do here in London too. You deserve to have adventures, Alfie. To go to places, as well as reading about them. The book is right, we only get one life.’
It’s something that her head knew before Joe got sick but that she truly feels in her heart since losing him. Some days, the fragility of life and the knowledge that we will all lose people we love feels too much to bear. But on other days, it feels like a precious, remarkable gift. And thinking of Joe makes her determined to live her one life well – to make it one filled with books, adventures and love.
‘It’s beautiful, thank you,’ Alfie says, his voice rough with feeling. ‘And you’re right. Now the shop is safe … maybe there’s space for booksandadventures.’
‘There are a lot of great rocks out there in the world,’ Tilly says as he pauses on a series of photos of mountaintops.
‘There are,’ Alfie replies with a laugh. He strokes the pageand says, ‘I always thought it was either or. Either take over the bookshop or see the world, but maybe … maybe I can have both.’
‘You’ve got some pretty great staff,’ says Tilly with a smile. ‘I think they can handle taking on more responsibility. They might even enjoy it.’
‘You’re right,’ Alfie replies. ‘I guess I’ve felt in the past that I’ve had to do everything myself. That asking for help was a sign of weakness. But today has shown me that I’m not on my own.’
Tilly’s stomach tightens. At the start of the year, she thought she was alone too. But today has reminded her that it isn’t true. She has lost so much, but there is still so much left that is worth holding on to. That is worth holding onfor.
Alfie closes the book, smoothing the cover gently with his hand. ‘Thank you, Tilly. Now it’s your turn. Turn yours over.’
As she flips the parcel over, she freezes. The word ‘January’ is written on a sticky label.
‘It’s technically a January present, not a Christmas present,’ says Alfie, looking at her closely, his expression suddenly nervous. ‘But I thought you might like it today. It’s also only the first part of your present. There will be eleven more next year. I can send you the rest when I have your new address.’
Tilly holds the parcel, her hands shaking.
