Kate’s mind races with a slideshow of small moments. The expression Rosie pulled when she tried grapefruit for the first time. Her first pair of shoes. Her dragging a book over from the bookshelf and throwing it in Kate’s lap, climbing in after and settling herself with a satisfied sigh, her little socked feet crossed at the ankles. Their weekly swimming sessions that have become the highlight of Kate’s week. The smell of Calpol on Rosie’s breath as she slept in Kate’s arms when she had a particularly bad cold and Kate hadn’t wanted to be anywhere else in the whole world but there, holding her daughter. The fact that even though everyonestilltells Kate that Rosie looks exactly like Jay, when it came to Rosie’s first word, it wasn’tDaddybutMama. The word that has become her favourite in the entire English language when said with the voice of her little red-haired, chubby-cheeked girl. Mama. Mama. Mama.
Each time she hears it, she feels it directly in her heart.
The past year has been the hardest year of Kate’s life. And yet, among all the sadness, there has been Rosie. Pulling her out from her darkness with her infectious joy, with small moments of happiness that are so much sweeter for being so unexpected.
The woman in the supermarket stares back with a dazed expression.
‘Sorry, I’ll leave you to it, but just know you’re doing great.’
Kate smiles and then turns away, leaving the woman and her new baby to contemplate the milk selection and Kate’s words. Maybe what she said won’t land in the way that the words of a kind stranger once landed with her. But perhaps it will.
CHAPTER 54
As Kate steps into the meadow, she has to fight back tears as she sees how many people are gathered on the grass.
The August sun beats down on the river, bees and butterflies drifting lazily in the hot air. There’s music coming from the Kingfisher and her heart catches as she recognises ‘What a Wonderful World’ – her mum’s favourite song.
‘Kate, let us help you with those bags,’ comes a voice and then her old friend, Frank, is stepping away from the huddle of her London friends and taking the bags out of her hands, his husband, Jermaine, helping and their dog, Sprout, leaping about at their feet.
‘Thank you so much for coming,’ she says, hugging them all in turn. It takes a while: they each squeeze her very tightly and are not quick in letting go.
‘You know we wouldn’t have missed it,’ says Emma, nursing her five-month pregnant bump.
‘Yeah, we wanted to be here to support you,’ adds Leonie, kissing her on the cheek.
Hope and her daughter, Jamila, and granddaughter, Aiesha, are here too.
‘We brought these,’ says Hope, handing Kate a tight bouquet of dahlias. ‘But it looks like you’ve got a whole flower garden here.’ She gestures to the meadow and the colourful riot of wildflowers.
‘They’re beautiful, thank you,’ she says, her voice choked at their thoughtfulness.
Although her London friends have all individually been to visit over the course of the past year and Kate has seen them in London when she’s been there for work, it’s the first time they’ve all been together like this in a long time. It feels surreal to see them here in the middle of a Somerset field instead of in London, as though her two worlds have finally collided.
Kate spots her family down by the water. Jay is holding Rosie on his shoulders and talking to Brian. Erin and Mark are working together to wrangle their boys, who are dashing about in the grass. Hope catches Kate looking in their direction.
‘You go be with them,’ she urges, giving her hand a warm squeeze. ‘We’ll catch up properly later.’
‘And we’ll set this food up,’ Frank adds, ‘don’t you worry.’ Jermaine is already reaching into the bags and pulling things out onto one of the fold-up picnic tables. There are other tables that are already laden with food: cakes she recognises from the Kingfisher and large bowls of salads from Giuglia’s. Everyone has chipped in to help share the load and make today special.
‘OK,’ she nods, hearing her daughter’s voice and feeling thesudden urge to hold her close. ‘Thank you. And thank you again for being here. It means a lot.’
As she makes her way down to the water, she says a brief hello to people, thanking them for being there. She spots her mum friends from the Tired Mums Club and those made at her weekly swimming lessons with Rosie, feeling touched that they made the effort to be here. They have been such a support over the past year and she now can’t imagine her life without them.
Jay looks up as she approaches.
‘Look who it is,’ he says to Rosie.
‘Mama!’
Kate scoops her daughter into her arms, resting her on her hip. ‘Hello, darling.’
‘Mama!’ repeats Rosie, clapping her hands together.
Kate kisses Jay, grateful as ever to have him by her side on a day like this.
With Rosie still nestled snugly at her side, Kate hugs her sister, brother-in-law and stepdad in turn, giving Brian an extra little squeeze. They’ve grown closer over the past year. He’s needed them and it has helped with Kate’s own pain to be able to focus on looking after him.
‘Hey, Kate, do you think we’ve got time before the ceremony?’ Erin gestures towards the water.
