‘I’m sure things with Luca aren’t as bad as you think they are,’ she says once Phoebe has finished and let out a big sigh. ‘And you don’t need to worry about any of that right now. You just focus on being there with your family. And remember, you’re not on your own when you get back, OK? I’m here for you and so are the members of the Farleigh-on-Avon River Swimming, Bathing and Recreational Water-Based Activities Club …’
She takes a huge, dramatic breath after finishing saying the long name, making them both laugh again.
‘Thanks, Kate, I really appreciate that.’
‘You don’t need to thank me. You did the same for me. You helped me change my mind about going to London and I’m so glad I went.’
They chat a bit more, Kate filling Phoebe in on the Londontrip. Phoebe nearly cries with laughter when she describes the incident with Rosie and the dress. Kate asks Phoebe to tell her more about her nan and listens to stories of them building sandcastles together on the beach when she was young and sharing favourite books with one another.
‘I feel a lot better, thanks, Kate,’ Phoebe affirms as they say goodbye. But even though Phoebe sounded much better at the end of their call, Kate thinks about all the things her new friend has been dealing with. Her break-up with Max, her work worries and now this …
She creates a new WhatsApp group with all the swimming group except Phoebe.
Swimmer in distress! Hey, ladies, hope you don’t mind the group message, but Phoebe has been having a bit of a rough time. I thought of something we could do to help, if you’re up for it …
Not long after she hits send, the replies come in.
Hester:Count me in.
Jazz:Me too! x
Sandra:Ooh! I love a plan! The Farleigh-on-Avon River Swimming, Bathing and Recreational Water-Based Activities Club to the rescue!
Jazz:Oh God, we really do need to work on that name.
Sandra:Never mind the name, I was thinking of a uniform instead. I think we’d all look very fetching in capes …
As Kate gathers her things and readies herself to head home to Rosie and Jay, it hits her how far she has come over the past weeks. Things with Rosie might not be perfect, but she’s let go of so much guilt and thinks she is moving forward at last,rather than feeling stuck at the beginning, back in that hospital bed consumed by fear. She’s reconnected with her old friends and made new ones too, friends who have helped her get back on her feet. Now she wants to do the same for Phoebe. Because if motherhood has taught her anything so far, it’s that when you’re someone whose job it is to look after other people, it can be all too easy to forget to look after yourself.
CHAPTER 40
After a week in Cornwall, Phoebe feels ready to head back to Somerset. Her grandmother is back at home and doing well. And the sea air and several more swims with her dad have made Phoebe feel better too.
The day before she’s due to leave, she receives an email from her boss, checking in and gently asking her if she might feel ready to return to work or if she needs more time off. Since arriving in Cornwall, Phoebe has had a lot of time to think. Usually, she’d use any spare moment to catch up on emails or check in with patients, but she’s forced herself to hold back. Instead, she’s spent the time considering whether she wants to go back to work or if it’s time to contemplate a different career altogether. It’s something she’s thought about over the years when what she does feels too heavy. She’s never acted on it because a good day always rolls around after the bad ones, but this week she has forced herself to consider the prospect more seriously.
However, every time she goes down that road, her mind pulls her down another path, back to a seed of an idea that was planted the very first time she visited the river and has been taking root ever since.
After reading Mel’s email, she calls her.
‘How’s your nan doing?’ is the first thing she asks and Phoebe suddenly feels grateful for having a boss who understands that she has a life outside of work – who encourages it, in fact.
‘She’s doing OK, thank you. And I’m doing much better too. I’m heading back to Somerset tomorrow.’
‘I’m so pleased to hear it. And I don’t want to put pressure on you, but how are you feeling about returning to work?’
Phoebe thinks of all her patients and how they have let her into their lives to share the tough days, but the better ones too. She pictures the feeling of satisfaction when she sees someone take a step forward. There’s nothing like it.
‘I’d like to come back,’ she says decisively. ‘But I’d like to shake things up a bit. My patients need more than I’m able to offer them. I can give them medication and time, but what they need too is community. A place to go where they can be among other people who share similar experiences, where they can chat, but also not chat too. Do something to help them take their minds to a different place.’
She remembers everything her father told her about the importance of his hobbies and the friends he’s made in the process. And she thinks about the women she has met at the river who have so quickly made her feel as though she’s part of something.
‘I’d like to set up a mental health wild swimming group. I’vestarted swimming at the river in Farleigh-on-Avon recently and it’s so beautiful there and has an amazing sense of community. It got me thinking that if it’s already helped me so much, then it could help my patients too. I know it sounds a bit out there, but I’ve done a lot of reading about the mental health benefits of cold-water swimming and time in nature and I think there could really be something to this. I think it could really help my patients.’
She speaks quickly so she can get it all out before changing her mind. She doesn’t say that she thinks it could help her too, but it’s there in her head. If she’s going to continue doing this job, then something needs to change. And getting both herself and her patients into the water feels like a good first step.
‘Yes.’
‘Yes?’ Phoebe realises that she’d been so focused on just putting her idea out there that she hadn’t actually considered that her boss might say yes.
