Rosie has been crying non-stop for fifty-seven minutes. Kate has tried everything. Feeding, burping, rocking, holding her in her arms and laying her in her Moses basket. The sound of her crying fills the entire cottage and every space inside Kate’s mind.
She checks the phone again: 7.02. Where is Jay?
‘How about I sing to you?’ she tries. ‘Now, what could I sing …?’ She racks her mind, attempting to recall nursery rhymes from her childhood but coming up with nothing. ‘What kind of mother doesn’t know a single nursery rhyme? I’ll just have to think of something else …’
Which is how she comes to sing ‘Wonderwall’ to her daughter, each chorus getting wobblier and wobblier as her face grows snottier. When she finishes and Rosie is still crying, Kate continues through the very limited repertoire of the songs she knows by heart. Adele’s ‘Someone Like You’. 7.04. The soundtrack toThe Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. By midway through a Christmas carol pulled from the very recesses of Kate’s mind and her Church of England education, Rosie has finally fallen asleep in her arms and Kate’s face is wet with tears.
At 7.07, the front door opens and Kate rapidly wipes her face, blowing her nose on her sleeve. She leaps up, Rosie thankfully conked out after the exhaustion of her crying session.
‘Hi, honey,’ says Jay as he kicks off his shoes and sets down his camera bags in the hallway. ‘I’ve missed you both, how are you—’
But before he can finish, Kate hands Rosie across to him. ‘Can you take her? I really need the loo.’ She pecks him quicklyon the cheek and he nods, somewhat bemused, as Kate dashes upstairs.
Inside the bathroom, she locks the door and sits down heavily on top of the loo seat, pulling out her phone and typing a message in her Work Wives group.
Free for a video call?
She hasn’t spoken to an adult human since her trip to the supermarket that morning. She could, of course, talk to her husband, but he will likely want to hear in detail about Rosie’s every burp and bowel movement and Kate really wants to talk about something else,anythingelse.
Thankfully, Emma and Leonie reply quickly.
Leonie:Sounds good, just back from work, so perfect timing x
Emma:Yes! Would love to see your face xx
Kate:You might regret saying that, I’m a state as usual. Give me 5 mins.
She flushes the toilet and washes her face with cold water, checking that her eyes don’t look too puffy before heading back downstairs. Jay and Rosie are curled up together on the sofa, Jay stroking Rosie’s hair and looking down at her adoringly.
‘How was the shoot?’
Jay doesn’t take his eyes away from Rosie as he replies. ‘It was OK. The client seemed happy with what we got. I’ll need to edit the shots over the next few days. How was your day?’
‘It was fine. I’m just going to chat with the girls, are you OK to put her to bed?’
‘Of course. I’ll cook us both some dinner afterwards – itlooks like you could do with a proper meal.’ He glances at the plates of abandoned snacks.
‘Yeah, sorry about the mess …’
‘Don’t apologise. Are you sure it was OK?’
Kate nods but avoids his eye. It strikes her as she turns to leave that she used to tell Jay everything. But there seems so much more at stake now. She isn’t just his wife anymore, but the mother to their child. If she let herself be truly honest with him, it might change the way he thinks about her forever. There are certain things that just can’t be unsaid.
‘It’s so good to see you both!’
The sight of two of her best friends smiling back at her from her phone screen gives Kate exactly the boost that she’d hoped it would. She wishes she could reach through the screen to hug them, Emma beaming at her from the bed that Kate has crashed in several times over the years after nights out and Leonie reaching for a mug of tea from the table beside her fuchsia sofa.
‘You too,’ says Leonie. ‘We miss you! Where’s Rosie?’
Often when they speak, Kate is only semi-dressed, Rosie clamped to her, feeding, but her friends never seem to mind.
‘Jay’s just taken her up to bed. It means you have my full attention for once. And look what I can do …’
She jumps up, waving her arms.
‘I’ve got both hands free! I could do anything!’
‘Simple pleasures, Kate,’ laughs Emma.
