‘I know you do,’ her mum says gently. ‘But they’re back in London. You need friendshere, mum friends. I think it might help.’
‘But I’m doing fine.’
‘I know you are, you’re doing great. But becoming a mother is a huge thing for anyone. You know we will always be here for you, and you have lovely Jay, of course, but you need all the support you can get.’
Kate is reminded of what Lydia said earlier about needing to build a network.
‘Some of the women I met when the boys were Rosie’s age are still some of my closest friends,’ chips in Erin. ‘You know I’m always here to answer any baby-related questions, but myboys are a bit older now. It’s great to have other people going through the same thing as you at the same time.’
Kate wraps her arms around her sleeping daughter.
All the things she hasn’t told them about how she’s really feeling swirl around in her head. The thought of sharing those worries with other women also grappling with similar things makes the tension in her body that’s been building day by day ease slightly.
Maybe they have a point.
‘I’ll think about it. Oh, by the way, Jay has a shoot in Bristol tomorrow. Which means Rosie and I are going to be flying solo. Do you think you’d be able to pop over, Mum?’
Up until now, Jay has been working from home, doing up the studio and taking on some freelance editing work. Kate knew he would have to get back to shoots away eventually and at least this one is just in Bristol, so not too far away, but it still feels daunting. Jay is so good with Rosie, always able to calm her down. And to calm Kate down too.
‘Sorry, sweetheart, but I’m busy tomorrow.’
‘Oh, right. No worries.’
‘I’d offer to help,’ says Erin, ‘but I’ve got a busy day in the office. We’re pitching for a new client.’
It strikes Kate how much she’s come to rely on her family over the past few months. Especially her mum, who has been coming over to visit every couple of days. But of course they wouldn’t be able to carry on like that forever. They can’t always drop everything for her, they have their own lives. She eyes the hoover in the corner, guilt bubbling inside her at how much they’ve both done for her. Has she been taking advantage?
‘Will you be all right?’ her mum asks anxiously.
Kate gives Rosie a little squeeze.
‘We’ll be absolutely fine. It will be nice actually, to have some time, just the two of us.’
She’s been so lucky to have so much help up until now – far more than a lot of people get. It’s time to start learning to cope on her own.
CHAPTER 8
Phoebe grabs a bottle of wine from the rack and twists open the cap, taking a quick swig before pouring herself a large glass. Then she looks around the living room, noticing the gap beneath the TV where Max’s Xbox used to sit.
When Max told her that he was leaving, she didn’t believe him at first. But then she’d seen how serious he looked and a sick feeling rose in her stomach so it had been hard to focus on what he was saying, her whole body in shock.
‘Things haven’t been good for a long time – surely you must know that. You’re always working. You’ve never really prioritised this relationship.’
His words had stung mostly because she knew deep down that they were true. But there was only so much of her to go around. Yes, she felt awful every time she had to postpone a date or turn up late. But what was she supposed to do? She didn’t want to let her patients down either. How do people do it? When she was younger, she had thought that jugglingfriendships, relationships and a career would be easy, or at least not this bloody impossible. But now it all feels so overwhelming, as if she’s holding the leads of a pack of energetic dogs and they’re all determined to head off in different directions.
‘I know things have been difficult, but that’s why I thought this holiday could be what we need. It could be a chance for us to reconnect.’
As she said it, all the images she’d browsed that morning came flashing back into her mind. Pasta, beaches, a villa with a pool. She’d coped for ages without a holiday, but now that the thought had come into her mind, it felt like a mirage in a desert. And maybe it could be the answer to their problems. Maybe things would look different in the golden light of a Tuscan vineyard. Maybe, it would make him love her again.
But it seemed it was too late for that.
‘Look, the thing is, I’ve met someone else.’
Phoebe couldn’t decide whether to punch him or burst into tears. But it probably wasn’t a great look for a nurse to get done for assault, and if she started crying, she might not stop and she had to get to work. So, instead, she took an incredibly deep breath – the kind of breath she often coached her patients in but very rarely took herself.
‘I’ve got to go. Let’s talk about this when I get back.’
But now he’s not here.
