‘She should have told someone. And I’m so sorry for you that she didn’t. But I guess none of it matters now, is what I mean to say.’
Beside me, Lorna shakes her head, a deep frown etched into her face.
‘I don’t know what to say. I shouted at her …’
‘And you had every right to.’
‘What about the school? Have you found a new teacher?’
I let out a sigh, my body heavy in the chair.
‘No. We’ve been looking for someone for months. But it’s a hard role to fill.’
‘What will happen if you don’t find someone?’
I close my eyes for a second, picturing the party that we left behind on the beach and how carefree and happy everyone seemed.
‘The school will close.’
I don’t need to tell her what that would mean for the island. She grew up here. She saw the abandoned classroom on Caora Island, weeds growing up between the floorboards and the desks rotting and forgotten.
‘Why did no one tell me?’
‘As soon as Jean found out that you were a teacher, she asked us not to,’ I tell her.
‘But I don’t understand.’
I glance warily across at her, not sure what to say. I suppose it’s out now, there’s no point keeping the truth from her any longer.
‘I think she thought that if you knew, you might feel a sense of responsibility. You might feel it was your duty to come back. So she was adamant that we weren’t to mention a thing, not about her illness or about the school.’
‘But now I know.’
‘Now you know.’
She lets out a long sigh, brushing her hair back from her face. We sit in silence for a moment, the air heavy with it.
‘I’m sorry you’re having to deal with all this,’ she says eventually, her voice quiet. ‘But you know I still have to leave tomorrow, don’t you?’
I nod slowly, because deep down, of course I do. I might have hoped that things would be different, but ultimately, I knew this was the way things were going to end.
‘I fought so hard to escape this island,’ she continues, rubbing her arm. ‘I’m so glad we came back and that I got to see Jack again and to meet you and Molly. But my life is back in London. It’s time Ella and I got back to it. It’s where we belong.’
‘I understand. But you’re welcome here whenever you like, you know that?’
‘Thank you, that means a lot.’
The quiet is suddenly replaced with the sound of the front door opening and closing and the voices of Ella and Molly in the hallway. The girls tumble inside, Ella hugging her mother tightly. I watch as Lorna leans into her, her face in Ella’s hair. I imagine that she’s smelling it like I so often do with Molly, hoping she doesn’t notice but loving her so much I could inhale her, eat her, hold her like she’s small again if only she’d let me. Molly would think me mad if I told her these thoughts, but I’m sure that Lorna understands. She’s a mother too. At the thought my hand darts instinctively to my stomach again, a fluttering in my heart.
‘Mum, I’ve just had the best day,’ gushes Ella. ‘Thank you. And thank you, Auntie Alice.’
She hugs me too and I breathe deeply the smell of barbecue smoke and sea air.
Jack follows behind the girls, carrying a wooden crate filled with Ella’s presents.
‘The others have cleared most of the other bits, and we can collect the final things tomorrow,’ he says, setting the crate down on the table.
‘Thank you, Uncle Jack,’ Ella says, reaching and hugging him too. For a second, he looks slightly alarmed and stands awkwardly as she wraps her arms around him. But then he softens, leaning down to better hug her back. I glance at Lorna. She watches them closely, her eyes shining.
