‘It’s good. It’s been fun, I mean. But I’m leaving in a couple of days. It was only ever going to be a fling.’
She shrugs, but her face tells me there’s more to it than that. Sarah and I exchange a look. I know that she’s been just as hopeful as me that Lorna might stay. It must be hard to think about saying goodbye to her old friend again, but at least this time I feel sure they will keep in touch. I hope we do too. I’m certainly going to do my best to make sure of it.
The pub door opens and the young couple who arrived with Lorna and Ella on the ferry and have been staying at Tess and Joy’s bothy come stumbling in, arms around one another, their faces flushed with smiles. They make their way to the bar.
‘Well they look happy!’ says Sarah.
The young man leans forward and says something to Ted, the pub’s landlord. Ted’s face spreads into a smile and he reaches across the bar and shakes the young man’s hand. His girlfriend stands next to him, grinning too and looking down every few seconds at her hands.
Ted rings the bell at the end of the bar.
‘Hey, everyone,’ he shouts. ‘These two just got engaged, let’s give them a good island toast!’
So that’s why the young woman keeps looking at her hands. Suddenly I spot it – a glint and wink on her left ring finger. We join the rest of the pub in cheering and clapping, while Ted pours two drams of whisky for the young couple. Morag slaps them both firmly on the back.
‘Well, isn’t that lovely,’ I say. ‘And Tess and Joy will be so pleased. I bet they’ll use this in their advertising for their bothy now, “most romantic destination in Scotland” or something like that.’
‘Oh, they will for sure,’ agrees Sarah. At the bar the tourists beam, knock back their whiskies and then kiss one another, gaining another cheer from the room. As I watch them I realise that there’s only one person in the pub who isn’t looking in their direction. While Ben has his body turned towards the couple, seeming to be asking the young man a question, Mallachy is looking in our direction, straight at Lorna. I don’t know if Lorna has even noticed but as I watch him it’s suddenly clear from Mallachy’s expression that while their romance may have been a fling for Lorna, it’s more than that for him. I have to look away; it’s just too much to watch the affection and hope in his eyes, knowing that Lorna will be leaving in just two days. Mallachy was a mess when he first moved to the island. It’s taken him years to get over his ex-wife. And in a couple of days he and Rex will be alone again.
The cheers and claps eventually die down and the babble of conversation returns to the pub. Sarah, Lorna and I pull our attention away from the bar and return to our drinks. We chat together for a long time, Sarah and Lorna sharing funny stories from their childhood days together, the three of us talking about motherhood and in particular the challenges and joys of raising teenage girls. Lorna asks about my niece and nephews and I show her photos on my phone, photos Sarah has seen countless times but which she joins Lorna in smiling at nonetheless. I tell them a few of the funniest stories from both Shona and Caitlin’s jobs.
‘They’re both amazing,’ I say, missing them with a sudden fierceness. ‘They’re so much cleverer than I am, both of them.’
‘Hey, that’s not true,’ says Sarah.
‘But they are,’ I reply. ‘They always have been.’
I can’t help but feel suddenly gloomy. Maybe if I was as smart as my sisters I’d have come up with a plan to save the school and the island. Maybe I’d have been able to change Jean’s mind about refusing treatment, but in a subtle way that didn’t make her feel like she was being forced into anything.
‘I’ve always known it,’ I continue. ‘And I think they know it too. Or at least, they know that I’m different to the two of them. When I moved here they thought I was mad. And then I had Ella so much younger than they had their children; they were both still studying when she was born, even though I’m the youngest. And I’ve never had a proper career, not like them anyway … I mean, it’s been my choice and I love what I do, but I don’t think they really take it seriously.’
I adore my sisters. I have always been so proud of them and miss them even now. And I always so look forward to our video calls, even if most of the time I do more listening than speaking. But there are times when I wish they were proud of me too, that I wasn’t just their little sister. That I was just Alice, not ‘Squirt’.
‘Alice,’ says Lorna, reaching out and placing a hand on my arm, ‘I know I haven’t known you long, but I have to say, I think you’re amazing. You’ve done such a brilliant job with Molly, she’s so confident and cares about the world. It’s impressive. And you are an excellent teacher – I honestly never thought I’d enjoy yoga but you made it easy. And look at everything you’ve done for Ella’s party. You’re so organised – I can see it at the farm too. Jack may do most of the work out in the fields but I can tell the whole place would fall apart without you.’
Sarah nods.
‘Lorna’s right. Alice, have you ever told your sisters you feel this way?’
‘I don’t want to bother them. It seems so silly, really. I mean, we’re all adults. This stuff shouldn’t matter.’
‘It isn’t silly,’ continues Sarah. ‘They need to know how you feel.’
‘Maybe you could invite them on one of your yoga retreats?’ suggests Lorna. ‘That way they could see you in action and see for themselves how good you are at your job? And it might be a chance for the three of you to talk, too?’
‘Oh, I don’t think they’d want to do that.’
But I can’t help but imagine what it would be like, having my sisters to stay here on the island and having them finally attend my classes. If they saw me teaching would anything change? And could I ever really find the words to tell them how I feel?
‘Let’s change the subject. Sarah, how’s Ben’s boat coming on?’
The conversation meanders, until eventually Ted is standing by our table.
‘Sorry, ladies, but I need to close up,’ he says. Looking up, I realise we’re the only people left in the pub. ‘I left you at it for a while, you looked so deep in conversation, but I need to get back to the wife or else she’ll turn up in her pyjamas and her wellies and drag me home herself. It wouldn’t be the first time…’
We thank Ted and head outside into the now cool air, the sun starting to dip in the sky.
‘This was so nice,’ says Lorna. ‘Thank you, both of you.’
