‘I know, it’s all been so sudden.’
‘But it’s good though, isn’t it?’ I force myself to say. ‘You’ll be closer to your parents and it’s a great step for Mike. I’m really happy for you all.’
I can hear a faint tapping sound and wonder if Cheryl is twiddling her hoop earrings like she does when she’s nervous or deep in thought. Suddenly I wish more than anything that I was there with her and that we were having this conversation in person. With everything that’s happened on this trip I’ve only exchanged brief messages with my friend but I miss her now with a strength that takes the breath out of me.
‘It is good, yeah. We’re happy. I’ve got a few interviews lined up for when I get there and we’ve found a flat already! It’s crazy how much more you can get there, it’s even got a garden. I can finally get Frankie that slide I’ve wanted to get him. But I’ve been so worried about how to tell you. I’m going to miss you and Ella so much! Promise me you’ll come and visit?’
I swallow hard.
‘Of course we will. I’m going to miss you too, we both will. But this is going to be good for you and your family.’
‘You think so?’
I can hear the mix of hesitation and excitement in her voice.
‘I know so. It will be great.’
Muffled noises come in the background and I make out the sound of crying.
‘Oh, sorry, honey, that’s Frankie, I’ve got to go. But I’ll see you before we leave, yeah?’
‘Yes, of course. Speak soon.’
We say goodbye and I hang up the phone, feeling shell-shocked as I sit in the quiet. I try with all my strength simply to be happy for my friend. And I am really; with Frankie getting older it will be brilliant for them to have more space and I know she misses her parents and that it will be a big help to have them closer. But I just can’t begin to imagine my life back in London without Cheryl in it. Without my friend to laugh with at work and to celebrate with on birthdays and at Christmas, what really is there waiting for me and Ella back at home? Our small flat where we don’t know our neighbours. The job I’ve had for a decade and which increasingly brings me far more frustration than enjoyment. I can’t help but wonder when it all happened, and how. How did I end up living this kind of life, lived within walls, loving and being loved by only my daughter and one close friend? At what point did the large life I’d always imagined for myself become so very small?
I sit for a while longer on the bed, staring out the window. Eventually I pull myself up and return downstairs. The others have risen from the sofas and are tidying, collecting empty glasses that are scattered around the living room and rearranging the furniture. I join in, helping Jack and Alice move the sofa back to its original position.
‘Have you told Ella?’ Alice whispers to me once the sofa is in place.
‘Not yet,’ I reply. ‘I wanted to do it when we were all together.’
The girls are collecting paper plates in a bin bag, holding the bag between them.
‘Ella, Molly, put that down for a minute, there’s something I want to tell you.’
Ella’s eyebrows dip questioningly. Jack and Alice pause too, the five of us gathered in the middle of the room.
‘Ella, how do you feel about staying here for your birthday?’
She squeals.
‘Really?’
I nod.
‘Alice and I have spoken about it, and I thought you might like to.’
‘Of course I would!’ she cries. ‘I’d love that, Mum!’
Molly grins too, and behind her I catch Jack smiling as well.
‘Great. We’ll stay until your birthday and then head home after that, OK?’
Ella’s smile fades slightly now but she nods. The party will be a perfect way to say goodbye to the island and everyone we’ve met here. Because we have to leave eventually. The longer we stay, the harder it will be to get Ella settled again before the new school term. However small our life might be back in London, it is our life. Perhaps when we’re back I will make the effort to finally introduce ourselves to our neighbours, and with Cheryl leaving the school maybe there are other members of staff I can try to make friends with. It will mean letting my guard down and risking them finding out about my past, but perhaps it will be worth it if it means a chance of creating new connections and a bigger kind of life. But as I look across the room at Molly, Ella, Jack and Alice, I can’t help the feeling that grips me. That really, I don’t want to leave at all.
Chapter 38
Alice
