‘It seems to be going OK, doesn’t it?’
I turn to find Lorna placing a handful of empty glasses down on the end of the table. I wonder whether, like me, she needed to get away from the noise and the bustle of the living room.
‘I think so,’ I reply. ‘I hope everyone has enough to eat.’
She laughs lightly.
‘I don’t think anyone’s going to go hungry, Alice. And thank you for organising all of this, I’m sorry I wasn’t more help. But I really appreciate it, and I know Jack does too.’
Her expression drops slightly then and she turns and glances outside, staring ahead in a way that reminds me of Jack this morning.
‘I’ve been wanting to ask you something,’ I say now, drawing her attention back to the room. ‘Molly told us it’s Ella’s birthday next week. Now, I know you might have plans back in London and probably want to get home, but if not, I wondered if we might throw a party for her here?’
I came up with the idea last night. We need something to look forward to, a reason to celebrate. The whole island does. And after having missed all my niece’s other birthdays, well, it would be special to mark this one now that she’s finally here on the island. I know it would mean a lot to Molly too, and Jack.
Lorna looked thoughtful.
‘When I asked Ella what she wanted to do this year she said she wanted to do something just with the two of us,’ she says. ‘But of course it was because she’d fallen out with her best friends Ruby and Farah. I should have known it wasn’t like her to not want to do something.’
I recall the shouted words Ella shared that horrible night before the girls ran away. It can be so painful being a teenager and dealing with the heartbreak of friendships gone wrong. I remember from my own childhood that those lost friends are mourned just as hard as any first love. I suppose when it comes down to it, the fiercely close friendships we make when we’re youngareour first loves.
‘Well we could certainly do our best to take her mind off all that. It’s a bit of a tradition here to throw beach parties for the children.’
Lorna looks at me and this time she’s smiling.
‘You know what, I think she’d love that.’
‘Oh, brilliant! We can have a barbecue. Oh, and there’ll need to be a cake …’
We’ll invite everyone, just like today, except it will be a purely joyful occasion. Just for one day, I want to forget everything else. And I’m sure I’m not alone. This party will be first and foremost for Ella, but it will be for Jean and Christopher too. A chance to eat and drink surrounded by their friends, a chance for us to make them know they’re not alone. And it will be for Jack and Lorna as well, perhaps an opportunity to create some new, happier memories together.
‘Thank you, Alice,’ says Lorna. ‘It will be a wonderful way to end our trip.’
My heart drops slightly. Because of course, this is inevitable. I may have gained a friend and Jack may have started to rebuild his relationship with his sister, but soon Lorna and Ella will leave and it will be the three of us again. I knew this moment would come eventually, but it’s still hard to accept it after everything that’s happened. Well, if they’re going to leave I want at least to give them the best send-off we can.
‘That’s settled then,’ I say with a smile.
Lorna heads out with a fresh tray of drinks while I do some more tidying up in the kitchen. Remembering the guests who have drifted outdoors, I load another tray and carry it outside, walking round the side of the house towards the back where I can hear the guests talking and laughing. But nearing the corner of the house I nearly bump straight into them: Lorna and Mallachy tucked away out of sight of the other guests, Lorna with her arms wrapped around Mallachy’s neck, his head bent down as he kisses her, holding her tightly around her waist. There’s an abandoned tray in the grass at their feet. As they see me they jump apart, faces flushed.
‘Oh good, it’s only you,’ Lorna says, relief written across her face. ‘I was worried it might be Ella …’
Mallachy runs a hand through his beard and glances at Lorna.
‘Don’t mind me!’ I say with a smile, sidestepping around them and continuing to the back garden where the other guests are gathered, trying to stop my tray from shaking. As I serve drinks and chat with the islanders, I do my best to smile and nod and say the right thing. But my mind is elsewhere. All I can think about is the strength with which Mallachy held Lorna. If we can’t persuade Lorna to stay on the island for good, perhaps Mallachy can?
Chapter 37
Lorna
One by one the guests leave and finally the five of us are alone in the house again. With everyone gone we all disappear upstairs to change out of our funeral clothes. When each of us reappears, Ella and Molly in pyjamas, Jack in tracksuit bottoms and a grey T-shirt and Alice in a pair of loose dungarees, the relief at being able to be like this and not forcing smiles and conversation is so great that for a moment we all sink onto the sofas in the living room. No one says anything, but it’s OK. It doesn’t feel like we have to.
Jack and Alice share one sofa, Alice dipping her head to rest on Jack’s shoulder, and I sit with the girls, the three of us squashed close together. I relish the warmth of the two of them next to me and the feeling of closeness it brings. I want to wrap my arms around both of them and pull them close, just like I did on Caora Island when I felt so overwhelmed with joy to see not just my daughter but the niece I’ve come to care for deeply in just a short space of time. I always thought of her over the years of course, imagining what she might be like and how she was getting on. But to meet her in person and to get to know her even a little … Well it’s been more than I could have hoped for.
This whole trip has turned out to be more than I ever imagined it could be. Yes, there have been rocky moments, moments of pain so raw it felt as though I might buckle from it. But it’s brought me so much too. A reconnection with Sarah, a new friendship with Alice and an acceptance into her eclectic but lovely group of friends. A sense of finally starting to build bridges with my brother. A step forwards in my relationship with Ella as well, finally accepting that she is getting older and I have to treat her differently as a result. And the surprising sweetness of whatever it is that exists between Mallachy and me. After the emotion of the funeral it was such a comfort to step into the warmth of his arms and give in to the simple pleasure of being kissed by him. It was a wonderful kiss, even if we wereinterrupted by Alice. I feel my cheeks glow as I remember it.
The silence is broken by the sound of a phone ringing. It takes me a moment to realise the noise is coming from the pocket of my jeans. I’m reluctant to leave the comfort of this spot on the sofa, but when I see Cheryl’s name flashing on my screen I say a quick ‘sorry’ to the others and leave the room, answering the phone as I head upstairs to my room.
‘Lorna?’
