As we work side by side, we talk.
‘I don’t do this often, you know,’ I say quietly, my eyes down on the paper. ‘You know, forcing myself on strangers …’
‘Lorna, believe me, you did not force anything,’ he replies. ‘But I know what you mean, and me neither.’ His face flushes and he runs a hand through his beard. ‘Actually, I haven’t been with anyone since my ex-wife.’
‘Wow.’
‘Sorry, does that make it weird for you? Maybe I shouldn’t have told you.’
To my surprise he sounds flustered.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so surprised, it’s just you seem so …’
He grins now.
‘So … what?’ he asks, raising an eyebrow. ‘Handsome, charming?’
It’s my turn to blush now as I meet his playfully glinting eyes.
‘Well, so sure of yourself, I guess.’
‘I guess I’m finally over it all. But god, for a long time there I was a total mess.’
I struggle to picture him as anything other than calm. But of course, everyone has something they’re dealing with or have been through, you just can’t always see it.
‘I’m sorry.’
He shrugs, a smile returning to his face.
‘Aye, it was hard, but life goes on, doesn’t it?’
And I find myself smiling back at him. Life goes on.
It’s late afternoon by the time I leave. When I return to the farmhouse I find the whole family gathered in the kitchen, the entire table covered in hundreds of sandwiches. Ella and Molly are busily spreading fillings, Jack cuts neat slices from a loaf and Alice flits between them.
‘What’s all this?’ I ask.
Alice meets my eye, raising an eyebrow questioningly. I want to tell her what happened but everyone else is here so instead I just smile and she smiles back.
‘We’re just getting things ready for tomorrow,’ she replies.
Of course. Reality suddenly hits, jolting me. Tomorrow is the funeral. With everything that’s happened today, I’d almost forgotten. Tomorrow, Jack and I will bury our parents. I glance over at him and he meets my eye and for once, he doesn’t look away.
‘How can I help?’ I ask, reaching for a spare apron hanging on the back of a chair. Jack hands me another loaf of bread and a knife.
My phone beeps in my pocket and I pause for a moment to read it. It’s a message from Cheryl.
Good luck for tomorrow honey. I’ll be thinking of you. Sending a big hug and lots of love xxx
I smile, moved that she remembered the date of the funeral.‘Thank you for remembering,’I reply.‘And for the hug, I needed it. Hope you and your boys are well. Can’t wait to see you when I’m back. Xx’Then I slip my phone into my pocket and get started on the loaf.
The five of us work quietly alongside one another, the silence broken every now and then by an instruction from Alice or a burst of chatter between Ella and Molly. When it’s quiet it feels different to the silences that have sat between us throughout this trip, though. It feels a contented kind of quiet, the kind of quiet I always imagined other families taking for granted. As I look around the room at the others working and at the growing pile of sandwiches, a thought enters my mind as quick as a blink. This is my family.
Chapter 34
Alice
Jack and I stayed up late last night, talking. I told him about Jean and let him hold me as I cried. It was hard to keep the news from the others, but I didn’t want to upset Molly, who loves her old teacher, and my promise to Jean held me back from telling Lorna. Now, it’s early, the house silent. I slip out of bed, careful not to disturb Jack, and pull back the corner of the curtains. It’s grey outside as though the sky knows that today there will be a funeral. There seems to be a strong wind too, the grassy dunes by the beach bowed over as though exhausted. I glance at the clock by the bed: 5.45 a.m. I know there’s no chance of falling back to sleep though. My stomach churns as though hungover, although I didn’t drink last night. It must be all the emotion instead. I steady myself against the windowsill for a moment before dressing quickly and quietly.
