‘It makes me feel lonely sometimes,’ I say quietly.
‘It makes me feel lonely too,’ he replies.
Then he takes a deep breath. He tells me everything Lorna said to him at the house yesterday. I place my hand gently against his chest as I listen, as he tells me about the bruises that came and went when Lorna was younger and the fire that destroyed her artwork.
‘And what doyouremember?’ I ask him softly.
He frowns now, his expression troubled.
‘It’s so hard, it’s like my brain feels foggy. I don’t know which memories are real, or which have been painted to look a certain way. But I think I believe her.’
I nod, thinking back to the conversations I’ve had with Lorna myself and also the way she has of opening up then holding back slightly, as though used to protecting herself. I think of Molly and Ella asleep in the room down the hall, their faces sweetly innocent as they dream dreams their parents will never get to see. I think of the way Jack, Lorna and I ran for them when we saw them huddled there in that cottage on the abandoned island, how we held them against us with all our strength. And I think of my in-laws, and how uneasy I always felt around them even if I couldn’t pinpoint exactly why. Now, it makes sense that I never felt comfortable leaving Molly alone with them. Thank god I didn’t.
‘I think I believe her too.’
We’re silent now, looking across the room we both know so well, decorated with photos of our life together, our clothes hanging on the back of the chair, our books stacked in the shelf. I wonder if for Jack, learning what he has learned might be like stepping inside a room like this only to find someone has moved all the furniture and repainted all the walls. The room you thought was so familiar is actually a totally different place.
Not knowing what else to say, I turn to him and ask him the question that has been on my mind since Lorna arrived.
‘Do you think we should tell her about the job at the school? Maybe it might make her want to stay? You could get to know each other properly again and make up for all those years you spent apart. Molly and Ella could really become like sisters. And honestly, I’d like her to stay too. I’ve liked having her here.’
But Jack shakes his head, a sadness etched on his face.
‘No. If she stays, it has to be her choice. Because she wants to, not because she feels she has to.’
‘You’re right,’ I reply, knowing immediately that he is, however much I might want otherwise. After everything she’s been through, she deserves that much: her freedom.
‘And what about the island?’ I add. ‘What about our home, Jack?’
He sighs again. He has put his whole life into this place, these fields, this house, this life we share together.
‘We’ll stay as long as we can. And whatever happens, we’ll face it together, won’t we?’
I reach up and kiss him on the mouth, feeling his rough stubble against my chin and the warmth of his body against mine.
‘We will.’
Chapter 29
Lorna
Has hot water ever felt quite so pleasurable? I’m taking my first shower in days and as the droplets fall against my skin I press my palms against the tiles and tilt my face up towards the stream of warm water. It feels good to be out of bed and to be doing something as normal as taking a shower.
For the past few days I’ve been confined to the yellow room, drifting in and out of sleep and getting up only to go to the bathroom and to eat and drink, propped up against pillows. Whenever I woke up there was always someone sitting in the armchair in the corner of the room. Sometimes Ella, sometimes Alice, usually my brother. During the nights I dreamt of the storm and Caora Island.
Now that I’m awake and feeling back to normal I need to make some decisions. But first I must talk to my daughter.
Molly is hunched over the kitchen floor, carefully mopping. Ella works beside her, wiping the kitchen surfaces with vigour. Alice sits at the end of the table drinking tea. My brother isn’t there, though.
‘Oh, you’re up!’ says Alice, jumping up from the table and pulling me into a warm hug. I’m used to Alice’s hugs by now and I hug her back, enjoying the strength with which she squeezes me.
‘How are you feeling?’ she asks when we step apart.
‘Much better, thank you. What’s all this?’
I gesture towards the girls, who are both pink-cheeked with the exertion of cleaning.
‘It’s part of Molly’s grounding,’ replies Alice. ‘And Ella offered to help.’
