She looks up and meets my eye. As I look at her it’s hard to know who I’m seeing exactly. She’s my old friend and Jack and Molly’s teacher. But now I see her mistakes as I look at her too.
‘I’m sure Lorna told you what happened?’ she asks. I nod in reply.
‘I thought so. That’s why I couldn’t face seeing anyone. I had to tell Lorna the truth though, I had to apologise to her. It’s been on my mind for years. I’ve felt ashamed for years.’
As I look at her I see it clearly now, this weight that she’s carried throughout so much of her life. I’d never thought of it before, but perhaps mistakes are sometimes as heavy a burden for those who make them as for those they hurt. Just looking at Jean now it’s clear how much this secret shame has impacted her over the years. She looks exhausted with it and despite it all I feel sorry for her.
‘I can’t go back and change the foolish mistake I made, although I’ve wished countless times that I could. But I want you to know that I really did try to learn from what happened. I tried my best to be a better person and teacher. To look with my eyes wide open and to do my best to care for those children. I don’t want you to think that I didn’t care about them – Molly, Olive, and all the others. I cared about them so much. I still do.’
‘I know.’ I picture the walls of Jean’s home that are covered in school photos, Jean beaming proudly among a huddle of students in each one, and the children who rushed to throw their arms around her on the beach at Ella’s party, missing their teacher.
‘Would you like a piece of cake?’ I add.
‘Oh, yes please. Thank you, Alice.’ There’s relief in her voice as I fetch two plates and forks. She starts to eat but then sets her fork down on the table.
‘There’s something else I wanted to tell you. I’ve changed my mind.’
‘What do you mean?’
My heart thumps.
‘I’ve decided to have the chemotherapy. Christopher and I are heading to the mainland next week. We’ve found a cottage to rent near the hospital and are going to stay there for a while.’
Hot tears prick my eyes and I reach a hand up to my mouth.
‘Really? Oh, Jean, that is wonderful news.’
‘You think so?’ she says hesitantly.
‘Of course I do!’ And then I stand up, push my chair back and step quickly to her side, leaning down to hug her. With a sob, she wraps her arms around me and hugs me back. Whatever mistakes Jean may have made, she is still my friend. Loving a person means seeing their worst and loving them anyway. And I love my friends, every single one of them. I love them fiercely.
After a moment we part, both of us sniffing and wiping our faces.
‘I wanted to thank you though,’ she says shakily. ‘For not pressuring me into doing anything I didn’t want to. It meant a lot to have your support.’
‘It’s just what friends do,’ I reply. We smile at one another, two old friends, neither perfect. As we settle at the table again the landline phone rings, startling me.
‘Sorry, Jean, I’ll just be a sec.’
I lift the receiver off the wall in the hallway, holding it against my ear.
‘Hello?’
‘Alice, it’s me, Lorna.’
‘Lorna, how nice to hear from you. How are—’
But before I can finish she interrupts me.
‘Alice, I just realised that there’s nothing here for us in London anymore. I miss the island, I miss Jack, I miss Molly, I miss you.’
‘Oh, Lorna, we miss you too.’
The front door opens. It’s Jack, in his muddy overalls, his face glowing from the fresh air. As he looks at me, raising a questioning eyebrow, Lorna speaks again.
‘I never should have left. But I’ve decided now. We’re coming back. And I hope it’s not too late, but I’d love to apply for the job at the school.’
For the second time in just a few minutes tears spring hotly to my eyes.
