Talon:Maybe you'll go back someday.
She thoughtabout that for a moment.All the people, elbow to elbow in bars, the strangers, and the lack of personal space.Man, that was a goal, wasn't it? To be okay with a bunch of strangers around. To trust that most people weren't threats, that crowded spaces could mean celebration instead of danger.She lifted a shoulder. Yeah, it was good to have a goal.
Riley:Maybe.
It felt like hope,that single word. Maybe she’d go back to New Orleans. Maybe she’d travel again. Maybe she’d learn to live instead of just survive.
Riley rockedin the chair on the porch. It was cold outside, but she needed the bracing chill. The cold reminded her she was alive, grounded her when her mind wanted to drift back to dark places. Her therapist had asked a lot of hard questions that day. Questions she didn't have answers to, and that bothered her. She'd always been someone who had answers, who could solve problems and make things work.But how do you solve the problem of being fundamentally broken?
She lifted her phone and, for once, didn't have to stabilize it with her other hand.For all the little steps forward with her physical therapy, some daysit seemed like she was taking huge bounds backward with her mental health.
Riley:Therapist asked me today who I trust most in the world.
The question had hither like a punch to the gut. Who did she trust? Really, truly trust?
Talon:What did you tell her?
Riley:That's the problem. I couldn't think of anyone.
The admission felt like a failure.Twenty-eight years old, and she couldn't name a single person she trusted completely. What did that say about her? About the life she'd built?
Talon:That's okay. Trust isearned, not given.
She stared at the response.Well, that’s a new way to look at it, isn’t it?She let his words sink in, rolling the concept around in her mind like a smooth stone. Perhaps the issue wasn't that she was so damaged that she couldn’ttrust anyone.Maybe the problem was that no one in her life had bothered to earn her trust. But then a question popped into her mind.
Riley:How do you trust people in your line of work?
Because he did trust people.She could tell from the way he talked about his team, the confidence he had in them. How did someone in his position, someone who'd seen the worst of humanity, still manage to trust?
Talon:Very carefully. And only after they've proven themselves.
Riley:Makes sense.
That was gold,as her therapist would say. A nugget to remember. And suddenly, she realized something that made her breath catch. Talon had proven himself. Over and over in small ways and large. He'd earned something from her that she'd never consciously given to anyone else. Riley stared across the great lawn to the road where a lone car's headlights cut through the growing darkness.
I trust him.
November
Talon:Watching the sunrise over the Indian Ocean. Wish you could see this view.
Riley smiled,and the expression felt as natural as breathing now. It had been a week or so since Talon had texted. She'd missed their almost daily contact more than she'd been willing to admit, even toherself. He told her he would be out of contact for some time. His mission must have finished.
Riley:Describe it to me.
She wantedto see what he saw. To share this moment with him across the miles.
Talon:Orange and pink streaks across endless blue. Water so clear you can see the bottom.
She glancedout at the darkness of the night, but in her mind, she could picture it—the sun painting the sky in impossible colors, the water so pristine it looked like glass. She loved the sunrises and sunsets on the Gulf of Guinea. It was such an array of indescribable colors. She blinked and realized she'd remembered a good memory of the time she'd spent there. Another first. For months, every memory of that place had been tainted with terror. But this ... this was just beauty.
Riley:Sounds beautiful. I miss the ocean.
Not "I miss traveling,"or "I miss my job." She missed the ocean. The vastness of it, the way it made her problems feel small and manageable.
Talon:When you're ready, you'll see it again.
When I’m ready.Not if. When.He has more faith in my recovery than I do.
