“I feel like this is my last meal before the electric chair.”
“It is.” I cross my arms across my body, standing over her while she’s perched on the stool.
Leah puts her bagel down on the plate and pushes it away. “Okay, let’s have it. I can’t eat with you standing over me all righteous. What do you want me to say?”
“Just to be clear, you are well aware of why I am so rightfully pissed at you, correct?”
Leah nods her head. Her words are of mild exasperation. “Yes, Emma. I was drunk and stupid, not comatose. I know why you’re upset.”
My arms fly up, out and around my body. “What the hell were you thinking, Leah?”
Placing her hands on top of her head, Leah looks down and shakes her head. “I’m not going to sit here and have you yell at me like a child.”
I march around the island, my finger pointing at her like a weapon. “A child would have more common sense.”
Leah’s head shoots up, her eyes ablaze with a look I’ve never seen on her before. My usually sweet and bubbly sister who goes out of her way to make people feel like they’re part of the party is looking at me like I’m the enemy. “Don’t you dare talk to me like that. After everything I’ve done for you. Don’t you dare!”
I stare back at her dumbfounded. “Excuse me?”
Leah stands up and walks past me, making a lap around the room and finally coming to a stand behind the chesterfield, using it as a shield.
“Don’t talk to me like I’m in the wrong here, Emma. Don’t accuse me of doing something to hurt you when I was only trying to help.”
“Help me? Leah, do you realize how much you hurt me?”
Leah’s mouth falls open, her face heaving as the breaths come pouring out. “Do you hear yourself? Do you honestly think I set out to hurt you?” Her eyes well up with tears ready to fall any second. She takes a second to breathe in order to regain composure. “You selfish bitch.”
Her words stab me in the chest, and I bleed out. It’s not just the words that hurt, it’s the way she says them. My sister has never spoken to me like this before.
Leah takes a look behind her and sees the picture of Luke on the bookcase. As she stares at it, her tears start to fall, big and heavy and true.
When she turns back to me, her hand goes to her chest as she points dramatically at herself. Her pale blue eyes surrounded by red.
“I lost him too. Luke was my brother too. I cried. I mourned. But I got up. I didn’t do it because I had Adam. I had to be strong for you, Emma. Because no matter how much I lost, how much any of us lost, it wasn’t more than what you were going through. Everyone put their lives on pause for you.”
Leah wipes her face with her hands and down her neck, looking up at the ceiling. “I called off my wedding. I brought you on my honeymoon. I have been trying to help you.” She looks back at me, her face red and splotchy. “You were dead too. Don’t you get it? We didn’t just lose Luke. We lost youboth.”
I catch my breath. My spine is so stiff I’m afraid to move. She’s not telling me anything I don’t know. She’s just saying it in a way that has finally gotten my attention.
Leah lets out a loud sigh and places her hand on her hip. “And the Asher thing . . . God, I don’t know. I guess I saw him on that boat and I just thought, I don’t know, Emma. Honest to God, I really don’t know what I thought would happen. When we went to Capri you were doing better, but you weren’t the same. Asher put the light back into your eyes. I was so grateful. I had my sister back. For two days you were the old Emma. I mean—yeah, I hate Alexander Asher and what he did to you, but if I’m being completely honest, hehelpedyou. Look at you! You’re living in New York, you’re running a school, you’re around music again. I don’t know exactly what happened between the two of you, but I’m glad it happened.”
Leah takes a step toward me, wiping her tears with her shirtsleeve. “You’re always looking for someone to blame. It’s Parker’s fault you hurt your hand. It’s my fault you got screwed over by Asher and you think it’s your fault Luke is dead. Emma, it was no one’s fault. Sometime things happen in life, and no one is to blame. If you keep on looking for a finger to point at the sadness in the past you’ll forget to enjoy the happy times in the now.”
I open my mouth to say something, but I don’t know what to say. I still want to be mad at her. I am mad. But how can I be?
Leah is right. I have been the selfish one. This whole time I’ve been preoccupied by feeling sorry for myself and annoyed at the thought of others worrying about me, yet I never stopped and really focused on what they were going through.
We all lost Luke.
It’s at this moment, the front door opens as Kimberly, Jessica, and Suzanne come in carrying shopping bags. Their loud laughter echoes through my tiny apartment. The three don’t notice the tension between Leah and me in our living room standoff. When they see Leah’s face they assume she looks like hell from being hung over.
I leave the girls to pack their belongings. They have a flight back to Ohio in a few hours. While they chat about their day, I retreat back to my room and think about everything Leah said. My only interruption is when Leah knocks on my door to ask if I want to go with the girls for something to eat. I decline.
When they return, it’s to grab their bags and hail a cab to the airport. I walk them to the curb and wait until a taxi approaches. The girls thank me for an awesome weekend and hop into the car.
Leah has to go around the car to get into the passenger side. Before she does, she idles on the sidewalk, standing next to me.
“So, we still good?” she asks, uncertainty in her voice. “You’re still coming to the wedding, right?”
