Asher’s lips widens in a closed-mouth smile. “Every second of every damn day.”
I know I should be alarmed by his actions, but I totally get them. I understand what it’s like to put your emotions on hold. Avoidance has been my companion for the last six months. Asher’s been dating the emotional devil for a year.
Actually, something tells me they’ve been together for years.
He takes the box with its opened plastic bag inside and holds it upside down over the water. Gray ashes drift out of the box, hitting the water and drifting off with the breeze. Either his grandfather was a small man or there aren’t as many ashes from a cremated body as I assumed there would be.
When the box is empty, he gives the bottom a final pat before setting it down on the floor beside him. Our legs are getting wet with the current that splashes up.
The two of us sit here for a while, watching the ashes drift away from us. A pile seems to stay close to the boat, not wanting to leave but after a while as the boat drifts away, the ashes gain some distance.
I won’t tell him that I’ve already said about fifty prayers in my head. I say most of them for the man the ashes belong to. I say a few more for Luke. He would have been twenty-one years old today. I bite back my tears and let out a breath to control the feelings falling from my eyes. Hopefully Asher just thinks I’m emotional because of the experience he is sharing with me.
“What would you have done if Leah came?” I ask.
“This wasn’t as monumental a moment as you think. I didn’t care who was here. I just wanted you.”
He has to stop saying things like that. It makes my heart beat twice as fast and my head spin in twenty different directions of anxiety.
“Why would you want me here?” I sidestep my words a bit. “I mean, I’m not weirded out or anything.”
Asher doesn’t miss a beat before looking straight into my eyes and explaining with deep conviction, “I’m drawn to you. When I want something, I take it. You already caught on to how impulsive I am. It’s just the way I operate.”
I envy him. Everything about my life had been planned out. Now I don’t know what to do. I want to be impulsive and free too. Maybe losing control is the only way to really gain it.
Asher didn’t drop anchor so we are drifting out, the ashes now far in the distance. We’re surrounded by nothing but the open ocean with the mainland in the distance.
My hands rub along the top of my thighs, and I catch his eyes as they follow the action. He rises on his knees, those intense eyes bearing down on me. I know he is going to kiss me and for a second I think about leaning forward. But, instead, out of sheer loss of control of my own nature, I spring up on my toes and dive into the water.
Cold Mediterranean water cools my warm skin. My body is submerged under and I break away, diving further down before swimming up to the surface.
My arms rise to push my hair smooth against my scalp. Looking up, I see the sun shining above me, beating down in approval. My body spreads out onto of the water, my arms and legs out like I’m making a snow angel. Instead, today, I’m an ocean angel looking up at the heavens.
This is for you, little brother.
Weightless, I bob and weave with the waves, a spatter of water covering my face but I’m not concerned. I don’t have any real cares at the moment. Everything feels so buoyant and it feels wonderful.
A splash awakens me from my date with the sun. Asher sidles up beside me and takes a place with me. We’re like two starfish in the middle of the ocean.
If anyone passes us they’ll think we’re out of control.
Because we are.
chapter TEN
Wrapped in a large towel, I swaddle myself and settle onto the sun pad at the bow of the boat. With the sun at its peak, our clothes will be dry in no time.
Asher’s may dry faster than mine. His shirt will, at least, because it is hanging from the railing of the boat, drying in the breeze and mid-day heat. In return he is wearing his shorts and nothing else.
Well-defined pecks with the perfect sprinkle of chest hair . . .Yeah.
A lean, taut stomach with two, four, six . . .Yeah.
Gorgeous thighs whose definition are made out by the wet shorts currently sticking to him.Oh yeah.
A loud sound from deep inside Asher’s throat catches my attention and I immediately avert my eyes north of the border. When I look back at him, he shakes his head and smiles, liking that he caught me gawking.
He kneels down to the sun pad, then lays his body next to mine, facing me. “Its ninety degrees out here. Lose the towel.” His hand grabs the lining and pulls the towel away from my body,
