Just talking to her would make this all okay again. It would remind me why I was doing this.
Yanking on my yoga shorts and bra, I padded my way out of the bedroom and into the sprawling open-plan kitchen and living room.
Every day was the same. I got up, I switched on the coffee machine, I made my smoothie, and then I stood in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows and stretched with the amazing view of the park and New York City skyline sprawled out in front of me.
It was my favorite view in the world.
Or at least it used to be.
Now my daughter's face was, and I missed her so much that it felt like my heart was going to shatter into a million pieces.
Touching my fingers to my toes, I let out a sob. Tears fell off the end of my nose to land on the lavender mat.
“Why are you crying?”
Screaming, I whirled around. Tripping over my own feet, I fell onto the mat in a heap and glared up at him.
“What are you doing here?” Angrily, I scrubbed the tears from my cheeks with the heels of my hands.
He couldn’t see me cry. I wouldn’t allow myself to be weak in front of him. Just like I wouldn’t allow myself to fall for him again. No matter how much my heart wanted to.
I had to remember why I was here. Because he had ordered the hit on my parents, and because I wanted to raise my daughter without the constant worry of him finding out and coming for us.
Matteo took three steps. His polished shoes brushed the edge of my yoga mat. “Why are you crying?” he asked again in an even more steely voice.
“Am I not even allowed to cry now?” Climbing to my feet, I slapped his helping hand away. I stretched tall, standing there not a foot from him with my hands on my hips. “What are you doing here, Matteo?”
“This is my place.” He shrugged. “It's your turn to answer. Why are you crying?”
“Because.” My temper broke, all the emotion came flooding to the surface. Taking a step forward, I stabbed him with my finger. “I’m here against my will. You humiliate me, then you kiss me and tell me you have always loved me, and then you…” I blew a raspberry. And a stray curl blew up around my face. “You ignore me for over a week and then what?” Another stab, and his eyebrows shot up. “You break in here and watch me work out?”
He caught my finger before I could stab it into his chest again. “I have a key, Sophia. I don’t break in, but you’re right about all the other things. Especially the watching you part.” He chuckled. The sound was a mixture of condescending laughter and admiration. “I was watching your workout. And I have to say it’s the best thing I’ve seen all week.” Loosening his grip, he slid both hands around my waist and thendown to cup my ass. I let out a hissing breath. “The sight of your ass in those damn shorts.” He squeezed.
“Where have you been, Matteo?” It was taking everything I had not to melt against him. Even after what I had just been thinking, my body wanted to give up to him. Just like it always had.
And that’s what made this dangerous for me. I knew why I was here. I knew what was at stake for both me and Lily, and also my brother, but when he touched me, I didn’t really care anymore.
“Aww, did you miss me?” Pulling me closer, he ground himself against me.
“No. I just didn’t appreciate being locked in this house and not having any freedom. I’m not your prisoner, Matteo.”
“No one stopped you from going out, Sophia. You are a prisoner of your own making. You could have left any time you wanted to. Now stop changing the subject. Tell me the real reason you're crying. And don’t lie and say it’s because I haven’t visited.”
I glared at him. Why didn’t he get it? I was crying because I was overwhelmed and scared and lonely and so confused that I didn’t know whether I was coming or going.
“Forget it.” Pressing against his chest, I stepped away. Half expecting him to grab at me ,I was surprised when his arms dropped down to his side. “I don’t expect you to understand. Now, if you will excuse me…”
I’d taken half a step before he lashed out and grabbed my arm again. “No, I won’t excuse you, Sophia. Tell me why you were crying. Tell me why every time I look at you there’s tears in your eyes. You cry all the time, I can tell,”
I shook his arm off. “Why do you care Matteo? You wanted to be the only man who hurt me remember? Wasn’t that what you said when you last dropped me off here? You loved me, and you would make sure…”
“Sophia.”
“Coffee is in the pot.” I stomped away. “Make yourself at home. Oh yeah, it’s your joke home, isn’t it? It’s me who doesn’t have anything of her own.” Whirling around, I gave him a mock curtsey. “May I take a shower, your highness, or would you like me to kiss your feet first?”
Without waiting for an answer, I rushed away because fuck him. Fuck how he made me feel and fuck everything in between.
Slamming the bathroom door, I stripped off my sweaty clothes with so much force I was sure I heard a seam or two pop and stepped into the shower before I had even turned the water on.
