The man who’d been at my side, cooked me breakfast, and made love to me had nothing to say. His reaction crushed me, and if it hadn’t been so cold, I might have collapsed into the snow until my tears turned to icicles.
But if I was ever to hear his voice again, I had to seehim today, and I arranged a meeting in the library, using Antonia as a go-between.
I arrived at the library first and sank into one of the worn leather armchairs. When Riven arrived, I noted the shadows under his eyes, suggesting he’d experienced sleepless nights as I had.
“You didn’t say anything earlier.” I bit my tongue, wishing I could take the words back because it was an accusation.
He swallowed. “You wanted to be alone, and I respected that.”
Okay, enough of that. I had to move on.
“Who were you expecting at the lodge? Not me because,” I waved my hand between us, “I’m human, and this is a resort for shifters.”
“We were expecting a shifter. Your FBI contact mixed up the arrangements somehow. The lodge serves as a safe house sometimes.”
That checked one item off my list.
“Tell me more about the mate bond? For shifters? Antonia filled me in on some of it.”
Riven glanced at the fire. “It doesn’t always happen. Some shifters fall in love as humans do.”
Every time someone spoke the word humans, I was hit with the sense that I’d entered a new world.
“But you have a choice as I do? You can ignore it.” I had to hear him say he could, because I wasn’t going to be responsible for ruining his life.
“Of course.” He wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“Please be honest.”
“I am.” He leaned forward, clasping both his hands. “Yes, I can leave this minute and never look back.” He took a breath. “But…”
The fire crackling formed a backdrop to Riven’s ragged breathing.
“But I will never be with anyone else. When the universe chooses, shifters don’t get a do-over.”
I clenched my fists, but what I wanted was to race outside and shake them at the sky, yelling that it wasn’t fair. He was a good man and he shouldn’t be alone for the rest of his life. Guilt formed an angry little ball in my belly.
“I’m sorry.” Those words were pointless, but there was nothing else to say. “I'm leaving tomorrow.” The words came out more abruptly than I'd intended. “I have to testify at my boss’s trial.”
“I see.”
“I don't regret being with you. Whatever else happens, I wanted you to know that.” Before he could respond, I slipped out the door, unable to bear whatever I might see in his eyes.
That night when I couldn’t sleep, I remembered how safe I used to be in his arms, but then I remembered his voice when I told him I was leaving. He let me go, understanding he’d long for me until his last breath.
As I waited for Jeff to collect me the next morning, I scanned the lobby and the grounds, hoping for a glimpse of Riven.
Antonia appeared and gave me a hug. “He thought it would be easier for you this way.”
“Could you give him something for me?” I pulled a small package from my coat pocket. The present I’d gotten him was still in our cabin. But I’d sketched his wolf from memory. I wasn’t much of an artist but had taken classes.
“Tell him... tell him I'll be in touch.”
The drive to the airport passed in a blur, and the plane ride was no better. I stared at clouds, thinking of everything I was leaving behind. When I unlocked the door to my apartment, I was exhausted, wishing I was somewhere else but not certain where I belonged.
I threw open the windows and was greeted with noise and pollution rather than the scent of pine. I was home, so why did it seem as though I’d left my home behind?
I caught sight of myself in the mirror. I didn’t appear any different, but I wasn’t the same person as when I left, and I’d never be that me again. I was Riven’s mate, whether I accepted that or not. But was he mine?
