I don’t admit it out loud, of course. He doesn’t need to know.
The tension between him and Vera remains. I can tell Jax is wracked with guilt. But Vera is unmoving, which I don’t blame her for.
Jax is responsible for the murder of the love of her life.
“Last one,” Oka Oya says and I’m relieved. “Upside-down serpent,” she orders. “On top of the rock.”
I don’t hesitate and climb on top of the flat rock. It’s slippery under my naked feet, and when I bend forward and brace my palms flat against it, I doubt whether I can keep my balance. Despite that, I transfer my weight onto my hands and use my core strength to lift my legs towards the sky. The raindrops tickle my bare feet.
“Well done, you shithead,” Kazh says coming to stand in front of me. She’s upside down. I look up to meet her gaze. “You have learned a lesson or two. I’m confident you can handle yourself during the Trial of Strength. At least you won’t die in the first ten minutes.”
I snort and roll my eyes.
“Now, if you want to win, you have to understand how to fight during the last trial. You’re a Phantom Ranger. Despite your gift, that puts you at a disadvantage against otheropponents because you need distance between you and them to utilize your full potential.”
“Did I hear you say I’m gifted?” I tease.
“I said despite your gift,” Kazh says, her voice flat. “I thought I’m the old crone. But apparently you’re the one who has hearing issues.”
Jax’s chuckle reach my ears even through the roaring rain.
“What are you saying, then?” I ask.
“When you enter the last trial, the first thing you want to do is find a way to put yourself in a position that allows you to use your skills to your best advantage rather than blindingly going into a fight. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Oka Oya.”
“Well, we’ll see during the Trial of Strength,” she says flatly. “Enough now. Get into resting position.”
Slowly, I unfold myself and get back into lotus position. Kazh stands in front of me, watching me with her dark eyes like a hawk. She’s all sharp edges, but for a heartbeat, she softens.
My chest tightens.
“You have been one of the hardest Decarios to train. Arrogant, stubborn, and with a head full of shit. Reckless like none other, and stupidly brave.” She pauses to clear her throat. “But when the path to greatness is rocky, full of obstacles, and leaves your feet bleeding raw, reaching the destination is that much more rewarding.”
The backs of my eyes burn. A lump forms in my throat.
“I watched you transform from a wild, feral, lost child into a well-rounded, balanced, and confident person with a purpose in such a short amount of time. You must know, it’s a special character trait in itself. Not many are capable of such change. I don’t say it often, and I won’t say it again, so listen carefully. I’m proud to have witnessed this transformation. And I’m proud to be your mentor.”
It might be the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me. I don’t try to blink away the tears. I let them flow down my cheeks and allow the rain to wash them off.
I press my fist over my heart and bow at the waist, as deep as my body will allow in front of Kazh. “It’s an honor to be trained by you, honorable Oka Oya, and to call you a mentor. Thank you for your guidance.” I straighten my back so I can look her in the eye when I say the next words. “Thank you for everything.”
She eyes me silently for a long moment. “Something weighs on you. What is it?”
I lower my gaze. So many things weigh on my shoulders.
“Soon I’ll have to face the man I still love.” I manage to choke the words out. “And kill him if I want to win. What if I can’t do it when the time comes?”
“Ah, that,” she murmurs. “Loving him was your first mistake.”
My cheeks burn. “I know.”
“Never fall in love with a man because of his potential, Phoenix,” Kazh says. It may be the first time she addresses me by my name, so I look up and meet her gaze. “Not unless you want to spend the rest of your life drowning in misery as he fails to live up to it.”
I give her a sharp nod.
“Your second mistake is thinking you can’t face your weakness when the time comes.”
