My palms rest on top of my thighs and I close my eyes.
It’s soothing, to take part in familiar rituals. Yet, it’s not enough to take away the ache that tears my chest in half. So, I bite my bottom lip to stifle the sound as tears spill down my cheeks while I sit there alone, surrounded by the night.
CHAPTER SEVENTY-FOUR
PHOENIX
I can barely sleep during the night. For hours on end, I toss and turn. My body is tired, but my mind is racing.
When I hear the first chirps of morning birds, and the first rays of sun paint the sky in deep reds and oranges, I groan and push myself out of the bed.
I roll my shoulders and do a couple of stretches on the floor of my bedroom. It helps calm my mind a bit. But not enough. So, I take a long bath. I pour every single essential oil, type of flower petal, and bottle of weird milky elixir I find in the vanity into the water.
While I lay in the warm bath, I struggle to breathe through all the aromatic oils and scents. So, ten minutes in, I get out of the damn water and get dressed.
I need to speak to Vera.
The Trial of Strength can happen any day now and I don’t want to go into the last trial with unresolved conflict. Focusing on solving our issues helps me not to think about Daegel and all that went down in the last forty-eight hours.
Quietly, I make my way downstairs. When I approach Vera’s bedroom door, I notice that it’s cracked open. I pad over, press my back to the wall next to it, and listen to any sounds in the room.
“You saved Jax’s life last night,” Noire says quietly. “If it weren’t for your healing right then and there, he would have bled out completely. The Ezkai mender says he was in a critical condition.”
“Isn’t that what he deserves?” Vera’s voice is rough, as if she spent the whole night crying.
“Nobody deserves to die before their time is up,” Noire says calmly. “Even our enemies.”
“Whatever,” Vera says.
I imagine her rolling her eyes.
“If Ezkai Phoenix and Jax wouldn’t have shown up when they did, you might not have survived the night, Vera dear.”
Vera doesn’t reply to that. My heart sinks. I don’t know how we can resolve this, how we can find our way back to a place where things are not as…dire as they are now.
“I know you’re grieving, dear. You have every right to,” Noire says gently. “But we have a job to finish. You have to see it through so that the Talbots don’t win. If they do, all of it—all that we, you, have accomplished so far—will be for nothing. Kitajo’s death will be for nothing.”
“Don’t speak to me about Kitajo’s death,” Vera says and her voice trembles. “I don’t want the job anymore. You can have it.”
Noire sighs. “We all have a part to play during these trials, my dearest. It’s not easy waking up every day when your heart is heavy. I know that. But if you don’t, if you give in to the darkness, it will swallow you whole. And the rest of the country with you.”
“That’s a whole lot of responsibility for a simple Caetra.”
“You’ve never been just a simple Caetra. From the very first day I met you, when you came to see Kitajo at the castle with Sagara’s file on Caligos, I knew you were one of those people who have the strength to move mountains.”
“You’re lucky you know how to sweet talk me,” Vera says with a sigh.
It’s an intimate conversation, one I shouldn’t have eavesdropped on. I’m about to walk away when the door opens wide and Vera walks out. She arches an eyebrow when she sees me standing pressed to the wall by her door.
I clear my throat. “I wasn’t spying on you. I just came to speak to you.”
Noire emerges from the room, too. “Good morning, Ezkai Phoenix. Have you slept well?”
I only shake my head.
Noire nods as if he understands the struggle well. “It’s been an intense couple of days. I know just the cure. There isn’t much a good hearty breakfast can’t fix.”
My stomach rumbles right then. I don’t even remember the last time I ate.
