He’s choosing me.
I want to believe he’s choosing me. But he’s told me pretty lies before.
I fist his hair at the back of his neck and over his lips, I say, “I’ll believe you when I see it.”
His eyes are dark like the deepest trench in the ocean. “Tomorrow, I’ll announce I’m dropping out.”
Those are the last words we say to each other about it that night.
Daegel knows my body well by now; he plays it like a harp.
But I’m not quite present, quite there with him. While I arch my back when I need to, and part my lips so needy moans can escape as a response to every touch of his fingers, caress of his lips, all of it is an act.
I may love him still, but I don’t feel safe with him.
I don’t respect him.
I don’t believe him.
He has lost the privilege of my ultimate surrender.
I don’t think.
I don’t feel.
I simply am, a steady mountain.
Once it’s over, slowly, I get off him and fall onto the bed next to him. He places a finger under my chin and angles my face so our lips can meet.
It’s a slow, lazy kiss.
Daegel pulls me closer to him and wraps his arms tightly around me. “Stay the night. Please.”
His voice is so relaxed, sleepy. I settle against him and close my eyes.
I have all the intentions of staying the night.
CHAPTER SIXTY-NINE
PHOENIX
Despite my efforts to wait for Daegel to fall asleep first, I fail. But I don’t sleep well. I am haunted by nightmares. Nightmares from my past, from my present, and even from the daunting future.
Thankfully, when I open my eyes it’s early morning and Daegel next to me is asleep. I can tell from his breathing and the stillness of his body against mine.
This is my chance.
I yawn and stretch my lazy limbs. Slowly, trying not to wake Daegel, I untangle my body from his and roll out of bed. I grab the satin robe hanging over the back of the armchair, but pause. If I find evidence, I’ll have to hide it somewhere. Quietly, I grab my leathers and slide inside my pants and the jacket. I don’t bother strapping my blades in—it would definitely wake Daegel. With one last glance at his sleeping body in bed, I head out.
I don’t have much time, so I have to be smart about this.
I make my way downstairs and walk straight for his home office. I’ve only been here a couple of times. It’s neat and organized, not a single corner out of order.
Thankfully it’s a small enough space for me to search. I find nothing on the massive shelves that line all three walls. I check behind paintings on the wall behind the massive oak desk, but nothing’s hidden in the frames. No secret doors behind them either.
My heart races, adrenaline coursing through me. Anytime, Daegel can wake up. If he does, and goes looking for me…I don’t think I can lie my way out of snooping around his office.
I push those anxious thoughts aside and focus on searching the desk. It would be so much easier if I knew what I was looking for. I doubt he has the poison he used to assassinate Kitajo lying around. Caligos are better than that…
