I swallow the rage and shame that rises inside me. I deserve the verbal lashing, and much more. Yet, I still hate it. I might be exhausted and defeated, but my pride is still very much alive and well.
“Oka Oya, please,” Vera says. “If you don’t want to train her, then at least give us a clue on how to help her learn the lesson. I refuse to give up.”
“How many champions survived the second trial?” I ask.
“Half,” Kazh says.
I bite the inside of my cheek.
I hear the door open. It’s Kazh’s voice. “You better find a way to face your fate and deal with the consequences of your actions before it’s too late.”
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
PHOENIX
Being in the dark, all alone, is unsettling. I can’t sleep; my mind is running a thousand miles per hour.
After everyone leaves, I toss and turn in my bed for what feels like forever. I don’t even know what time it is. Has the sun come up yet, or is it the dead of night? Bussek is busy enough during all hours of the day for me to tell from the sounds coming through my window.
Pressure builds inside my chest. I don’t know how long until it bursts. The sky is falling, and I’m trying to keep it up above my head with my bare hands.
I sigh and get out of bed. I can’t do this anymore. I need to go. Where, I have no clue. But I can’t stay here, locked in this room any longer.
I stumble out of my bedroom, into a tiny corridor, and down the stairs. I kick a corner of a chest of drawers on my way down. It hurts like a motherfucker and almost makes me cry. But I bite the inside of my cheek and let the anger building inside me guide me forward.
Because I can’t see shit, it takes me a while to navigate the downstairs and find the entrance door. I’m not sure I put on my shoes, or if they’re someone else’s. But they fit, and that’s all that matters. I don’t care if they might be mismatched.
The burning between my breasts hasn’t eased. It’s a dull pain now. A reminder of the tattoo’s presence on my skin.
I can’t believe I got myself into this situation. Not once did I think something like this could happen to me…
The backs of my eyes burn. I feel more alone than ever.
I want my dad. My mom. My sisters.
Daegel…
I can’t say that after the last time I went to see him. Not after everything he’s done, all the secrets he kept, all the things I’ve learned.
The way he handled me last time, rough and possessive. He had never been so rough with me before, so obsessed with possessing my body, as if that could help him convince me.
A shiver runs through me. I don’t want to think about Daegel anymore.
What I need is to find a way to figure out what this lesson is I need to learn, and to learn it.
Slowly, I turn around and face what I imagine is the main area of Vera’s studio. If I get to my meditation space, I can try to figure out the memories during a meditation.
One by one, I carefully move my feet towards the glass paneled door that leads to the back gardens. I know there are two obstacles in my way. The dining table and the conversation p?—
One moment, both my feet are securely planted on the floor, and the next, I’m falling.
Ungraciously, I stumble on all fours into the conversation pit. I hit a knee on the corner of the cushioned bench andmanage to hit my forehead on the corner of the low table in the middle.
Cursing under my breath, I drag myself up. My knee and forehead ache, but that’s the only damage from the fall.
At least I don’t have to see myself in the mirror when that bruise blooms in the middle of my forehead. I bet Jax will have a great laugh at my expense.
Bristling, I grapple around the cushioned benches until I finally manage to get out of the conversation pit. I make my way forward much more cautiously. Tiny steps, arms outreached in front of me, I continue.
